Depression Killing Personality - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 06:50 AM
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My Mood: Angry
Depression turned me into an angry mess, any semblance of a personality I may have once had is long gone.
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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrub-Zero View Post
It's okay. 25 years wasn't that bad. Just kidding, it was hell
But back then in the 80s and 90s help wasn't really available for depression and anxiety. Especially not in small towns so i spent a long time just wondering what was wrong with me. Later i moved to Montreal and i found a bit of help here and there. It made a difference. Now i work by myself through eating better and exercise. I'm much better than i was, when i don't have the depression bouts.

Anyway. It's awesome that you got an appointment.
Good luck with that.
Ah that is good that you have a way to deal with your depression. I also found that doing exercise & eating better helps because these are things that are physically improving the body when depression wants to turn you in the opposite direction. So it's like our way of fighting back,keeping busy! You've been on a long & tough journey, you know you're like a warrior for surviving this long. wow.. I hope you will keep fighting & keep with the healthy habits!! I'm happy to hear you have made progress compared to the past I wish you lots of luck & strength in the future!!!!

I got back from my appointment a few hours ago...
The session left me thinking that no one can really help me...
But I don't want to go into it...I'm thinking about turning to some meditative techniques like qigong or yoga (even tho i'm not even flexible!)

I am a broken bird without a true home. I look to the skies & dream of a happiness, which stays in the heart & never leaves. I do not hate the world & do not wish to. I want others to be happy. I do not want them to feel the pain that I feel or anything greater...

"I don't hate nobody. I hate certain conditions that are inflicted upon the people - & they're helpless with it." ~ Mos Def

"Extreme hopes are born from extreme misery." ~ Bertrand Russell
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 08:14 PM
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My constant struggle with depression crushes my motivation to attempt to get better. There's the always present comfort in complete hopelessness, and the inconsistency in what I want and who I think I am. I'm absolutely lost and generally don't care to find the exit to this maze I'm wandering. Every time I stop doing I lose stride. Everyday is a new horrible day.

blessed are they who bash your children's heads against a (punk) rock
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 08:26 PM
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I can relate. I have depression and I feel like it has made me completely void of personality. Like - I have no depth to my character. It's why I never even bothered to fill out an "introduction" thread on here when I signed up a couple of days ago. When people say "tell me about yourself" I don't even know how to answer that aside from saying "Well - I'm a depressed internet junkie who hates himself"

Ennui - It is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for.
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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 11:30 PM
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I've been so tired and soulless lately.

Quote me if you reply to my posts, so I'll be notified to respond.
Looking for Skype groups, add v1530545
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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-13-2016, 06:59 AM
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I completely relate to you SeraphSoul


Quote:
Originally Posted by SeraphSoul View Post
Yeah I understand...
I used to be hyper & talked non-stop...
Until depression took over.

At this moment, I don't feel energized to talk about anything unless it's related to God, spirituality, or life...
It's like a state of "contentment."
You don't actively seek out anything... =\

I've had depression for about 9 years & I'm feeling its claws sinking deeper than ever before, & I've always been afraid of therapy, but finally got an appointment tomorrow...

I'm sorry that you had depression for so long. =(
I am 52 years old and have struggled with depression my entire life. The past 4 years have been some of the worst ever. I have been on antidepressants and therapy and nothing is helping this time. Life continues to throw **** at me and I am officially done. No matter what I do to try and better myself and be a better human being, I just get **** on every turn. These last few months have been the absolute worst point in my life ever. I have no desire to do anything and I'm ready to just go home....my real home. Some of you may not believe in an afterlife, but I do. I am not going to commit suicide but I look forward to dying. I think about it all the time. This world sucks and I can't stand to see, hear or read anything in the news or what is going on in the world because it is all bad and it seems people are getting more sadistic with their crimes.

For you spiritual members, you may understand more of what I'm talking about. I feel that this is more my Spirit not being able to tolerate this cruel world anymore, more than it really being a physical problem. I'm so tired, just tired and want to go home. I find little joy in anything anymore. I have always been a very outgoing person. I have pretty much cut off all of my friends and only want to be around my husband and kids, and even then sometimes I prefer to just be alone. I really would like to just go live out in the woods somewhere where I can't be bothered. I constantly have the mindset of, Just leave me alone! I don't even care to get better. I used to care to get better, but not anymore.

BTW, I'm new to to the group and found it by Googling, looking forward to dying forums. I feel the need to connect with others that feel the same why, or at least similar to me. No one understands me and honestly I can't tell anyone anyhow because they will all think I'm wanting to kill myself and have me committed lol.
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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-14-2016, 05:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeraphSoul View Post
When I started having depression, that's when my personality started slipping from me...Then after, social anxiety teamed up with depression to further take away the individuality I once had...It's hard to be reborn from internal burdens...

I feel like I'm completely frozen over inside.
Nothing going through my brain when I interact with people...
Depression & social anxiety keep me from growing, reaching out, really interacting with the world around me.
I feel out of touch, an alien in human skin...
I feel like there's a wall between me & the people I meet...

Does anyone else had depression changed them into zombies?
Is there a way to gain back yourself?
I'm feel kinda depressed at the moment, but I'm not sure how long it will last. Last time (a few years ago), it went on for a couple of months, it's awful. At the moment I feel completely flat and empty, except for some positive spikes when I listen to my music, or negative spikes when I feel pressure or stress. I can't focus at all at the moment, not even at my favorite hobbies. Anything that requires the least amount of effort (even gaming and watching series) feels like a chore and very hard. My life at this moment is basically refreshing Youtube and Reddit, and worrying about me doing nothing all the time, and being scared I may get some terminal illness or accident before I even get the chance to do anything better with my life. This sounds pretty dark, but the depression (or internet binge) is numbing my emotions, so it doesn't feel as extreme.

If you want to talk to me, send me a message.
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