Depression turned me into an angry mess, any semblance of a personality I may have once had is long gone.

Ah that is good that you have a way to deal with your depression. I also found that doing exercise & eating better helps because these are things that are physically improving the body when depression wants to turn you in the opposite direction. So it's like our way of fighting back,keeping busy! You've been on a long & tough journey, you know you're like a warrior for surviving this long. wow.. I hope you will keep fighting & keep with the healthy habits!! I'm happy to hear you have made progress compared to the past I wish you lots of luck & strength in the future!!!!

I got back from my appointment a few hours ago...
The session left me thinking that no one can really help me...
But I don't want to go into it...I'm thinking about turning to some meditative techniques like qigong or yoga (even tho i'm not even flexible!)

My constant struggle with depression crushes my motivation to attempt to get better. There's the always present comfort in complete hopelessness, and the inconsistency in what I want and who I think I am. I'm absolutely lost and generally don't care to find the exit to this maze I'm wandering. Every time I stop doing I lose stride. Everyday is a new horrible day.

I can relate. I have depression and I feel like it has made me completely void of personality. Like - I have no depth to my character. It's why I never even bothered to fill out an "introduction" thread on here when I signed up a couple of days ago. When people say "tell me about yourself" I don't even know how to answer that aside from saying "Well - I'm a depressed internet junkie who hates himself"

I've been so tired and soulless lately.

I am 52 years old and have struggled with depression my entire life. The past 4 years have been some of the worst ever. I have been on antidepressants and therapy and nothing is helping this time. Life continues to throw **** at me and I am officially done. No matter what I do to try and better myself and be a better human being, I just get **** on every turn. These last few months have been the absolute worst point in my life ever. I have no desire to do anything and I'm ready to just go home....my real home. Some of you may not believe in an afterlife, but I do. I am not going to commit suicide but I look forward to dying. I think about it all the time. This world sucks and I can't stand to see, hear or read anything in the news or what is going on in the world because it is all bad and it seems people are getting more sadistic with their crimes.

For you spiritual members, you may understand more of what I'm talking about. I feel that this is more my Spirit not being able to tolerate this cruel world anymore, more than it really being a physical problem. I'm so tired, just tired and want to go home. I find little joy in anything anymore. I have always been a very outgoing person. I have pretty much cut off all of my friends and only want to be around my husband and kids, and even then sometimes I prefer to just be alone. I really would like to just go live out in the woods somewhere where I can't be bothered. I constantly have the mindset of, Just leave me alone! I don't even care to get better. I used to care to get better, but not anymore.

BTW, I'm new to to the group and found it by Googling, looking forward to dying forums. I feel the need to connect with others that feel the same why, or at least similar to me. No one understands me and honestly I can't tell anyone anyhow because they will all think I'm wanting to kill myself and have me committed lol.

I'm feel kinda depressed at the moment, but I'm not sure how long it will last. Last time (a few years ago), it went on for a couple of months, it's awful. At the moment I feel completely flat and empty, except for some positive spikes when I listen to my music, or negative spikes when I feel pressure or stress. I can't focus at all at the moment, not even at my favorite hobbies. Anything that requires the least amount of effort (even gaming and watching series) feels like a chore and very hard. My life at this moment is basically refreshing Youtube and Reddit, and worrying about me doing nothing all the time, and being scared I may get some terminal illness or accident before I even get the chance to do anything better with my life. This sounds pretty dark, but the depression (or internet binge) is numbing my emotions, so it doesn't feel as extreme.