Depression I can't shake - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-02-2016, 11:13 PM Thread Starter
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Depression I can't shake


Hi,

I suffer from depression that is made worse by the social anxiety. I am majorly isolating myself. All my friends are married with kids. I have my mom (who can't really help me right now because she's caring for my grandma) kind of boyfriend type/best friend, and my gram who is currently dying. I need more support than a normal person cause I can't go in public alone, so someone has to be available for me to even leave the house. Most days I sit alone and wonder why no one gives a sh** about me. I lost my job and have been fighting to get SSD with no income, but since I dont work, I have nothing but time on my hands. I take meds for anxiety and depression. Sometimes I take a pain pill to cope with the sadness and loneliness and fear and I try hard not to do that cause I don't have access to many and I don't want to add addiction to my list of problems. I have pretty bad health problems, and watching my gram die makes me scared for what she will go through and makes me wonder what scary health problems I'll get. Sometimes I find myself googling the scariest stuff and getting suicidal over it cause it's absolutely terrifying. I don't know why I do it. Why do I seem to want to make myself even more anxious? But basically my problem is I feel so lonely and helpless with only one person as a support system who can't be there for me really either and that's a whole other story. But my depression from this takes over me and I can't shake it no matter what. It feels like it rises up from someplace deep inside and just stays in my head. I think my mom and friend are even tired of my downer attitude. It's bad when your own mother thinks you are a bummer. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-03-2016, 08:42 AM
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i can relate to many things you wrote. my only 2 friends that are left, will soon be gone.
most of my time is spent on movies, video games, anime, and from about 1 year ago i've started making a game, which is somewhat helping, as it gives me a sense of accomplishment.

but the loneliness is still there, even more, as i see friends\ past friends, building a family.
i hope you will find your answer.

"everything that lives exists in pairs and propagates descendants, but I am alone. I want now to travel and to seek a wife of my own kind; I wish to measure my strength against my kind; I want to become acquainted with men—to live according to the manner of men. Do not deny me thy blessing; I do humbly pray. I bow my head and bend my knee."
Yryn Uolan

"Trust no one"
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"Heat and cold, life and death, and of course... Light and Dark."
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-03-2016, 09:49 AM
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I'm sorry you're going through this. Depression coupled with Social Anxiety is an awful combo. I'm going through the same.

It's especially worse when it feels like you have no-one to talk to, or those you talk to are soon to disappear from your life. That looming threat is so uncomfortable to sit with.

Have you tried any therapy? Talking to someone, seeking more help? I'm not sure where you live but I think if you have problems leaving you can be offered therapy over the phone, which could be a good start?

You said you have alot of spare time on your hands, do you have any hobbies or interests? If it wasn't for my own passions I think I'd go crazy!
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-03-2016, 08:44 PM Thread Starter
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I have found that if you feel worse that all your friends have families (I actually don't even like getting together with those friends anymore cause they only talk about baby stuff while I sit awkwardly and stare.) stay off Facebook. It's depressing cause it's all phony happiness. It makes you think everyone is happier than you. Social media is the worst. Good thing we have sites like these to let us know we aren't alone and see people being honest about their feelings. It's awesome that you're making a game. I should start some kind of project to distract myself.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-03-2016, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
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SirSteel I have tried therapy but my last therapist that I tried, I only had three appts with her, and she closed her eyes while I was talking, and once I had to say "are you awake" I knew she wasn't the right therapist. My other left cause she had a kid. I was with her for 4 years, and I was bummed. I've been so isolated and avoidant and was so disheartened by the last lady that I haven't been back. I would like chat therapy. I wish they had that. I'm not sure I could do the phone, cause I think that makes my anxiety worse. I'll have to get the courage to try to find a therapist to go to again. I do have hobbies. I see you play the guitar. That's cool. What else do you do to keep busy? I play guitar too, just rhythm though, nothing fancy, and I sing. It might be lame, but after being in the hospital for depression and going to art therapy there, I started doing those adult coloring books, that is a form of meditation for me. I also draw and journal.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-09-2016, 08:05 AM
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'An empty mind is a devil's playground', Museinc. I feel the fact that you are staying in your home without any meaningful activity to participate in is the real cause behind your depression and anxiety. You need a fresh beginning in your life. The only option is to go out and be among people. In case, u just cant get out, then look for certain activities(including hobbies) that you can do from home which will keep you busy. These days, people even work from home. But, its better if you go out as that will bring novelty in your life.

DONT STAGNATE. KEEP MOVING.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-09-2016, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Museinc View Post
Hi,

I suffer from depression that is made worse by the social anxiety. I am majorly isolating myself. All my friends are married with kids. I have my mom (who can't really help me right now because she's caring for my grandma) kind of boyfriend type/best friend, and my gram who is currently dying of lung cancer. I need more support than a normal person cause I can't go in public alone, so someone has to be available for me to even leave the house. Most days I sit alone and wonder why no one gives a sh** about me. I lost my job and have been fighting to get SSD for 4 years with no income, but since I dont work, I have nothing but time on my hands. I take pamelor for my depression and Ativan and inderal for the anxiety. Sometimes I take a pain pill to cope with the sadness and loneliness and fear and I try hard not to do that cause I don't have access to many and I don't want to add addiction to my list of problems. I have pretty bad health problems, and watching my gram die makes me scared for what she will go through and makes me wonder what scary health problems I'll get. Sometimes I find myself googling the scariest stuff and getting suicidal over it cause it's absolutely terrifying. I don't know why I do it. Why do I seem to want to make myself even more anxious? But basically my problem is I feel so lonely and helpless with only one person as a support system who can't be there for me really either and that's a whole other story. But my depression from this takes over me and I can't shake it no matter what. It feels like it rises up from someplace deep inside and just stays in my head. I think my mom and friend are even tired of my downer attitude. It's bad when your own mother thinks you are a bummer. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Have you ever had your thyroid checked? Thyroid disorders are much more common in women, and when untreated, can cause horrible depression. The kind of depression that doesn't seem to respond to medication. It happened to me. A simple blood test that your doctor can order can tell you if your thyroid is functioning normally or not. Most people don't know that a malfunctioning thyroid can profoundly affect mental health. If you've never had yours checked, I hope it is something you will consider.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-13-2016, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks mukut I agree. I really need to try to be around people more.

greenbananas that is actually a great point because that is the cause of my depression sometimes. My TSH has gotten on the higher side and they have said it was early stage thyroid failure. However, I just got my TSH checked a week ago and it was normal. which is a bummer cause it would be nice to have some synthroid fix me.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-14-2016, 05:26 PM
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Wow, that's quite the story, I can understand why you feel so bad. :/ Going through that process of your grandma dealing with something like that must be absolutely awful. Do you have any close friends you trust? Something as heavy as this is really hard to bear alone, especially when you tend to worry a lot. I currently feel some light version of depression myself, but my situation is nowhere near as hard. I wish I could give you good advice, but I'm not very good at it, so at least know that I care, and that there are more people who do too.

If you want to talk to me, send me a message.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-14-2016, 11:26 PM Thread Starter
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Wow, that's quite the story, I can understand why you feel so bad. :/ Going through that process of your grandma dealing with something like that must be absolutely awful. Do you have any close friends you trust? Something as heavy as this is really hard to bear alone, especially when you tend to worry a lot. I currently feel some light version of depression myself, but my situation is nowhere near as hard. I wish I could give you good advice, but I'm not very good at it, so at least know that I care, and that there are more people who do too.
Thank you so much. That's very nice of you to say. I have one close friend that helps me a lot, and if I really needed something, I could call another friend, but it'd really need to be necessary to bug her. Other than that it's just me on my own.
I hope you get your depression treated before it gets heavier. I hope it passes soon.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-14-2016, 11:58 PM
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SirSteel I have tried therapy but my last therapist that I tried, I only had three appts with her, and she closed her eyes while I was talking, and once I had to say "are you awake"l.
Not to make light of anything, but this made me chuckle!

I'm sorry you're going through depression. Wish I had something helpful to suggest.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 09:16 AM Thread Starter
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Haha yeah. It is so ridiculous it's funny. I couldn't believe she would actually do that. What a weirdo.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 10:02 AM
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Yep for the about past month it has been really bad
suicidal thoughts are happening just about every hour
i cant sleep at night even when i have been at work all day
My dad is dieing it could happen at any time from liver and kidney failure if he get pneumonia again it will kill him nearly killed him last time
They are talking about cutting my hours back at work because i am so slow and i have just taken out a mortgage for some land so that i can build a shed on there for me and my parents to live in and mum and dad wont have to work so much but if i lose my job mum will be paying two mortgages
I dont have friends or family to talk to i could talk to my parents but they are dealing with enough if it was not for them i would of been gone by now but it getting harder to keep fighting it
As for advice i dont have any but just know you are not alone
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 12:44 PM Thread Starter
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Mike do you have any anxiety medication. My stepfather had cancer in 2003 and I couldn't function. It was a nightmare. But now I have some Ativan and inderal and it keeps my anxiety from getting out of control. Seeing my gram go through it now would be too unbearable without meds for me. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Suicide is comforting to think about, but please don't consider that a legitimate option.
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