"Can you make it less depressing?" What?! - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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"Can you make it less depressing?" What?!


So I was confessing my depression to my best friend, something like I was having a depressing semester. I was pretty nervous when I said that because I felt like bothering her.

She said, "can you make it less depressing?" I wanted to laugh. What the F***?

Apparently she had no idea what did it mean to be in depression. If I could I wouldn't feel that bad. She was sincere, it's just... I don't know. It's a bit hurtful. I could be wrong. Maybe she was just not good with words, or maybe she was saying that I should try to do something or get some help.

When I thought about it later I realized that I was making her feel awkward the whole time, so the next day I sent her a message on Facebook and apologized for that. I did not say she didn't understand depression though.

I guess I'm just venting. Have any of you heard people saying that? It's kind of ridiculous
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 06:01 PM
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This is why I don't talk about my depression and anxiety with family members (I have no friends to talk to IRL); they think I'm "just being negative" and tell me to get over it, stop worrying, whatever. Which I would do, if I were able, but obviously it's not that simple.

I'm sorry you got that reaction from your friend. "Can you make (your depression) less depressing?" sounds rather oxymoronic.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 06:07 PM
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I don't understand what's wrong with that. "Maybe she was saying that I should try to do something" - Isn't that exactly what she was saying? I don't understand how else that could be interpreted. There are plenty of things you can do to combat depression, so of course you can make it less depressing.

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Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
This is why I don't talk about my depression and anxiety with family members (I have no friends to talk to IRL); they think I'm "just being negative" and tell me to get over it, stop worrying, whatever. Which I would do, if I were able, but obviously it's not that simple.

I'm sorry you got that reaction from your friend. "Can you make (your depression) less depressing?" sounds rather oxymoronic.
Those things are completely different to what this person's been told. She was saying can you make the semester less depressing. But if it was referring to the depression, then all the things that treat/ease depression make it less depressing... how is that oxymoronic?

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 07:17 PM
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Those things are completely different to what this person's been told. She was saying can you make the semester less depressing.
That wasn't how I interpreted what was said, and it doesn't make much sense IMO, why would her friend be asking her to make the semester less depressing...?

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Originally Posted by Fruitcake View Post
I don't understand what's wrong with that. "Maybe she was saying that I should try to do something" - Isn't that exactly what she was saying? I don't understand how else that could be interpreted. There are plenty of things you can do to combat depression, so of course you can make it less depressing.
I have actually had people tell me to be less depressing and that is EXACTLY what they meant, to be less depressing; they weren't suggesting that I try to combat my depression, they were telling me to snap out of it and just be happy. So such reactions do occur. My mother literally once told me, "Well, get un-depressed!"

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But if it was referring to the depression, then all the things that treat/ease depression make it less depressing... how is that oxymoronic?
The way I interpreted the OP's post, her friend was asking her to make her description of her depression less depressing. Depression is naturally a depressing subject...thus the oxymoron.

I agree in that her friend likely REALLY meant what you're suggesting (i. e., find ways to minimize or combat the depression), but the way the friend phrased it (i. e., not coming right out and offering suggestions to treat/ease depression) wasn't helpful. Thus the possible misunderstanding.

Anyway I really don't want to debate this, only the OP knows for sure how it went. I was only offering my perspective based on what was posted, I can't assume things that weren't said. :/

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 07:49 PM
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Haha, but seriously you cant expect anyone who hasn't gone through depression to understand how you feel.

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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 07:58 PM
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dude nobody wants to hear that ****
im depressed as **** and when i hear other people give me long spiels about depressing things in their life it takes me from -100 to -200.
depression is like a ****ing sap that sticks to anything it touches and corrupts it

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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 08:02 PM
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sounds like a ****
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 08:03 PM
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OP whyd u have to apologize?

God forbids someone confiding in a friend
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-20-2013, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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The way I interpreted it at that time was "can you make (the semester) less depressing," because the sentence came right after I said, "this semester was pretty depressing." I don't think she meant making the depression less depressing. That doesn't make sense to me at all. But "making the semester less depressing" is still pretty weird, and a weird sentence by itself. How can you make the semester less depressing?

As I said, I thought she implied me to do something to combat the depression, since she's normally a pretty intelligent person. I don't think she would make the dumbest comment among the various possible interpretations we are discussing here.

It's the way she said it that made things awkward and showed her ignorance about depression. It is a disease and certain things become more complicated and don't really work in a normal way. The ignorance is not a fault though, I think. The "advice" might be a good one, intellectually, but it's not quite right emotionally. She did tell me "be happy" before, which I was fine with. But this time I didn't even know how to respond. I have not expected someone makes that weird comment. I think I giggled at that time. What does that sentence REALLY mean? I'm still not entirely sure. Maybe it doesn't really mean anything. It's plain awkward.

And now I know that I should stop talking about this matter with her
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-20-2013, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
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OP whyd u have to apologize?

God forbids someone confiding in a friend
Well, because not until that point did I realize that she was simply not the right person to talk about my depression to, or that I needed to talk about it in a different way that would make the situation less awkward for her.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-21-2013, 06:22 AM
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Well you detected she was awkward. That says enough. I've had one friend who was uncomfortable with interpersonal pain (not just with me but in general). And it's not like I bombarded her with it. I just mentioned it roughly twice, and only briefly, and she was immediately awkward. I ended up resenting her and our friendship dynamics suffered. I think I could empathise with her (she said I had empathy), but she wasn't able to do the same back, she was usually just insensitive, awkward and occasionally judgemental. I stopped being friends with her eventually.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-21-2013, 06:55 AM
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Only you know whether she meant less depressing for you, or less depressing for her - and perhaps you don't even know. I guess it would be best to try to just act normal around her, and try telling someone else.

I've been in that position before. An old friend visited me from another city, and I was depressed at the time and couldn't enjoy entertaining him, or going out. I told him I'd been depressed lately by way of explanation. "About what?" he said. "Not about anything ... just depressed, " I said. I don't think he got it. Anyway, I never heard from him again.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-21-2013, 03:28 PM
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Believe it or not, but most people have no idea what depression is.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-22-2013, 08:37 AM
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i share the view depression is a society problem, is in the root of our lifestyle like human beings. Be extremely positive or negatie will just get the things worst...
... but we can see the things diferent with more critical analysis not for make us remember how weak we are but to make us remember which everything can be modified to be improved in each situation ^^ this can help we improve our cognition to seek "facts" in daily life so we can solve the situations on our minds. If we create the things around us we also can change the things around us ^^
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