Can't seem to connect to music - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 05:59 AM Thread Starter
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Can't seem to connect to music


I have no idea if it's just me, but i can go for weeks without listening to any music, but everyone else in the world seems to love music, and concerts and clubs, or just places with live music are really popular places to hang out when many times, particularly to clubs and some concerts, depending on who is playing, just feel too loud.

I recall going to a big concert years ago and being more interested in the pyrotechnics while everyone else was dancing and singing and i just felt awkward there, didn't even feel like talking to anyone because i felt like an alien in a way, i just went there to do something different but i didn't feel like dancing or rocking out at all, i felt more amusement just watching the people around me.

I know it's awful to say this, but i can't understand what makes a song good or bad, the difference that notes make, i do understand and somewhat feel like slower beats make for more chill or sad songs and faster beats for more energetic and happier songs, and i guess i do feel something, because they still give me a bit more energy, but then i hear people saying one song is better or they can tell which guitarists are better and i'm like "Hmm, they just play guitars i guess" a lot of the time and, again, aside from my mind associating tempo with songs for energy or what not, i really don't get music.

I just can't connect to it or understand it in anyway, more likely than not, if i go out and put headphones in, i will be listening to an audiobook or a podcast, i think the last time i tried just listening to songs in an attempt to feel more normal was more than 6 years ago.

Why the hell can't i connect to music or really enjoy it like everyone else, i want to feel like moving my feet, rocking out or being able to talk to people about music, but i just can't care, what is wrong with me!?

Just here to talk about stuff i guess.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 11:04 AM
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I think it's pretty normal not to care too much (or at all) about music. I myself go through phases when I frequently listen, and then I might go days without listening to anything. I'm certainly not knowledgeable enough about bands to discuss guitarists and stuff like that.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 11:08 AM
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That's tough, ever since I was young I remember music being thrilling to me. Maybe don't think of a song as "good" or "bad" but just if you enjoy it or not? Have you tried different genres, did any artists make you feel a little more than others? I wonder if it could be a neurological problem.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 03:27 PM
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Are you autistic? I know some people on the spectrum can't stand loud music or other loud sounds. If not I just think you're a person who doesn't like music. I think that falls within the normal variation of human personality. I wouldn't say there is anything unusual about it. Some people are obsessed with music while others just don't care about it. I personally listen to music basically ever day, often for hours on end. Now that I'm working from home I listen to music for close to 8 hours while I work then after dinner sit on the couch with my earbuds in. My dad loves music, plays the guitar (I was too lazy to ever learn), and we often talk about artists we both like. But on the other hand I don't think I've ever heard my mom listen to a single song ever. She has no interest in music at all. Different folks different strokes.

Or maybe you just haven't found a type of music that interests you or moves you? I listen almost exclusively to variations of rock from the 90's through the present and so if rock music was never invented maybe I wouldn't even like music. Maybe you just need to find your genre.

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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 08:15 PM
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Sometimes people don't like things most other people do. I've met people who don't like chocolate even though most people do.

But yeah I'm a big fan of music and concerts, it's one of the few normal things about me lol. I think it's also a coping mechanism for me.

edit: this might interest you (although what you're describing doesn't really sound that extreme):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musical_anhedonia

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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 09:54 PM
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I have a bit of a strange thing going on with music. There is music I like but I can be satisfied with what I like for a lifetime and I don't need more. And there's a lot of stuff I just don't like or find annoying to listen to so finding new music that I do like is a chore I don't really want (suffering through hours and hours of noise).

But what I do like, I find very comforting and soothing and relaxing.

/WYSD
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-05-2020, 11:00 PM
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I think not being interested in music is completely fine. It's just part of who you are. It's like me, I'm not interested in cars or sports. I couldn't care less if my country loses in some great international final being televised and hyped all around the globe. I really couldn't care less. Same about cars. I can drive one and that's it. I accept that about myself.

So, everyone is interested in different things.

I bet you have some other interest that's shared by lots of people, though. It's all good!👍

A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it. - Dogen
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2020, 04:15 AM
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Maybe you just haven't found your genre yet? I used to feel the same way about music too, until I discovered Rock and Roll.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2020, 09:42 AM
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I agree about really not caring for live music. It's usually too loud, and when it's an act I know, the live version doesn't come out sounding like the recorded versions that I'm used to and I usually find this bothersome. It does make me feel like a bit of an oddball because it seems like everybody just LOVES live music, or claims to anyway.

I can also take or leave listening to music at all most times. I wouldn't say that I don't get it, or that I don't like it, but it's not a big priority in my life.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2020, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
I have a bit of a strange thing going on with music. There is music I like but I can be satisfied with what I like for a lifetime and I don't need more. And there's a lot of stuff I just don't like or find annoying to listen to so finding new music that I do like is a chore I don't really want (suffering through hours and hours of noise).

But what I do like, I find very comforting and soothing and relaxing.
Yeah this is me. A lot of what I listen to is the same stuff I was listening to 20, 30 years ago. Not just the same bands but the same SONGS even. It is definitely a chore seeking out new stuff when you don't like most of what's on the radio.

Pandora has been pretty useful in helping me find some new artists, but I use it a lot less often these days.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2020, 09:57 AM
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I dont like concerts or dancing but I like music. I like finding new music and new sounds and things that express how I feel or think or just sound good or interesting or beautiful

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2020, 07:00 PM
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What I like about concerts is they tend to happen at night, and also in poorly lit environments most of the time (which seems to have a positive effect on my anxiety generally,) so when the music starts playing you can just lose yourself in that. It's also often a way to be social/connected without being social which I like. Although I've interacted with people at concerts in the queue/or after the concert, one time initiated that myself, another time bought tickets off a woman online and they hugged me after the concert when they saw me because they were very emotional. Usually there's not much interaction though. Sometimes I feel a lot better after, like it temporarily clears up my depressive symptoms and I feel much less socially anxious. Although it's been a while I think since I had that feeling. The last time that sticks out in my mind was in 2017 after a Deftones concert.

So in that sense it's very much tied to mental health for me.

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-07-2020, 09:43 AM
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What makes a 'good' song is subjective - what sounds good to one person might be terrible to another based on tastes. I'd search around, look into all sorts of music - instrumentals, covers, genres, remixes etc. Maybe watch dancing videos on YouTube to see what kind of music others like to dance to. Turn on the radio, ask friends for help. There's millions of songs out there, it's just a case of finding the ones you like x

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