I have BPD, and I can't seem to find help for it. Everywhere is just too expensive, or not immediate relief enough. I wish I had my pills again. I keep devaluing my gf and idealizing this girl I connect with even though we both have others and its like I can't see the forest for the trees. In my head thigs are different when nothing has to be different, just keep it aloof and same as normal. It's hard to have times of non anxiety and/or depression and I've already drove my car into a wall, OD'd, tried to drown, stab myself, cut myself, so how many more ways can I claim attention but I don't want attention so much I want answers I want to fix things.
I know things with my girlfriend will either move forward or they won't. I know things with this other girl will either move forward or they won't. I just have to wait and do the living. But that's the hard part because I'm so scared either of them will leave me, but I know if I nag and overtext, overbother then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy that'll drive them away.
Just want relief.