assaulted as a child, too afraid to see a doctor - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 12:43 AM Thread Starter
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assaulted as a child, too afraid to see a doctor


long story short, i've been sexually assaulted by a couple of family "friends" back when i was about 9-10 i'd say, i remember what happened and have frequent flashbacks especially when i see a movie or watch something on the news about assault/abuse and it brings back the memories all over again and i begin to get teary-eyed and my heart starts racing. my breath starts to get shallow because i can remember what happened so clearly and i think that it has a lot to do with my social anxiety and anxiety in general. the thing is, is that no one in my family knows about what happened (this was 6-7 years ago and i haven't seen the people responsible since it happened, lost contact) and my mom wants to take me to the doctor's to get checked out because i've been pulling out my eyelashes and the hairs off my eyebrows as a stress reliever whenever i start to think too much about it, as well as other things to be overwhelmed about like school and social events etc.

my question is, what would the doctor ask me if i were to come in because my mom is worried about my anxiety? i think i have gad because i tremble quite a bit, have trouble breathing, become irritable, have frequent headaches every other day-2 days, hate social gatherings (i don't even hang out with the few friends that i do have outside of school much), low self esteem, etc. and i think it all started because of the assaults. would my doctor ask me about any personal stuff like that? what should i say given that my mom would be there with me? or would my doctor leave my mom out while he/she asks me questions? i'm not exactly sure about doctor-patient confidentiality and this has been gnawing at me ever since my mom threatened to take me to the doctor's, even though i do think some sort of medication could help out greatly and calm me down. everyday tasks are and have been extremely tiring and i've even lost interest in sports that i'd normally play with my siblings.

i didn't know where else to post this. thanks in advance x
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 12:54 AM
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You have to tell the doctor and your mom. Those people need to go to jail! Plus, the sexual assaults are the root of your anxiety. You're going to need a lot of therapy.
Please tell someone. Those people may harm another child!

........I feel so bad. I hope you're able to stay strong.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 02:24 AM
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I can't even begin to imagine the suffering that you've been through over these past 6 or 7 years.

I think that you know in your own mind that you really need to confide in someone in order to begin the healing process. I am not sure of the doctor-patient confidentiality laws where you live, but maybe this is worth doing some research on before you tell all to your doctor.

In the first instance I would recommend googling sexual abuse support agencies in your city/state to see what anonymous support is provided. I'm sure there will be a phone number you can call or a drop-in centre you can visit by yourself. They will probably be able to give you more appropriate advice than a doctor can. It may also be useful for you to look into any group therapy sessions in your area, where you can talk about things with others who have been through similar experiences.

At some point you will have to confide in your mom, as impossible as it might seem. This doesn't necessarily need to be now, but you can't live the rest of your life keeping this pain and torment bottled up inside. It will destroy you if you do. Maybe confiding in her in a letter will be easier than doing it face-to-face.

But as I Have said, I think your first port of call should be to look into sexual abuse support charities/groups in your area to see what help they can offer. You could even write them an anonymous email in the first instance if this is easier.

You've made the first step by opening up on this forum, and you should be very proud of yourself for doing that It must have been very difficult for you to do.

I hope that you can find the help and support you need to begin to put this behind you. You deserve to be happy.


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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 02:44 AM
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That's horrible that you experienced that

By doctor do you mean just a General Practitioner?

The way I see it there are (at least) two potential ways you could tackle the visit to the doctor:

1. Go with your mum and tell the doctor about the anxiety problems but not the abuse. Ask for a referral to a therapist.

2. Go to the doctor but ask to see them one on one without your mum and explain that you suspect your anxiety difficulties are related to childhood abuse, your concerns about confidentiality, and that you would like to see a therapist.

(assuming that you aren't comfortable telling our mum just yet)

Basically, either way: try and get a referral to a therapist. You can then tell the therapist about the abuse in private sessions, one on one, and they should be able to help.

(you can choose which gender of therapist you would like to see, btw)

*If you are still under 18, the doctor and possibly the therapist may have a legal duty to report abuse to authorities, but I'm not at all sure of that. It's something you might have to google to find out what duty of reporting laws exist where you live. It's quite possible that you may be able to ask them about confidentiality before deciding to reveal anything.

Basically, you only have to tell people as much as you feel comfortable with at a time, and you are well with in your rights to take the time you feel you need. I'd encourage you to make seeing a therapist soon a goal though.


Good luck! I'm so sorry you suffered such abuse It's no wonder you have anxiety difficulties. I hope you know that what happened to you was not in any way your fault. You're not a "freak". There are others like you out there and there is help available. I hope you will be successful in getting that help.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 05:36 AM
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Why are you letting them get away with this hon? They shouldn't go off scot free while you linger in hell. Not to mention they may ruin someone else's life the second they get alone time with someone else's child. Please tell your Mom. Just say "Mom I was abused by so and so. That's what's wrong with me. I can't get past it, it affects me every day." Just blurt it out the next time she says something. Why are are hiding it, it's not your shame it's theirs. You did nothing wrong and you were too young to protect yourself when it happened.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 06:05 AM
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Originally Posted by BehindClosedDoors View Post
Why are you letting them get away with this hon? They shouldn't go off scot free while you linger in hell. Not to mention they may ruin someone else's life the second they get alone time with someone else's child. Please tell your Mom. Just say "Mom I was abused by so and so. That's what's wrong with me. I can't get past it, it affects me every day." Just blurt it out the next time she says something. Why are are hiding it, it's not your shame it's theirs. You did nothing wrong and you were too young to protect yourself when it happened.
This
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 07:07 AM
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Silence makes everything worse in this case.
If anything legal can be done, you will immediately have protection from the assailant.
You should not have to suffer.

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Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2014, 11:44 PM
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I can sympathize... I didn't say anything about the two times I've faced sexual abuse. No proof. Drama. People potentially taking sides. Rooms full of people shouting. I'd put myself in the spotlight with a vicious accusation like that, and for what odds of them being punished? I wouldn't get my peace of mind back like it was just a lost wallet.

I don't know if talking about it would have helped. It might in your case if your mother is trying to help you treat your anxiety as if it just appeared out of nowhere, because sooner or later the source has to be confronted. People who are trained to help survivors of abuse know about all these feelings, though. They're not strange or bizarre to them. They're normal responses to the kind of trauma that victims go through.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-08-2014, 01:11 AM
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I think firsthand we should congratulate you for being forthright with your situation, and mustering the courage to share this historical facet with us. Please do not feel that we are pressuring you to do anything you do not wish to do. I do not know the situation with your family nor can I accurately predict the nature of your physician. It takes courage to trust someone with this information, so make sure it is someone you believe will work towards your benefit.


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Slave to your perception and hermit of insanity.

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-08-2014, 02:51 AM
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child sexual abuse happened to me from 5-12, 3 people, you can message me if you want to talk about it, I have a dissociative disorder cause of it-- I don't experience reality and I have SA most likely cause of it.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-10-2014, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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thank you all for your replies and sorry for replying late. i've read each of your suggestions and have been thinking about what is best for me to do, but i'm still hesitant about letting anyone aside from you all know about what happened to me. i just feel as if my mother wouldn't believe me and i really don't want her to know who did it.. i also couldn't live with myself if the people who did those awful things to me went to jail. i forgot one of the two people entirely (hardly remember their face, forgot their full name) and it's a little tricky with the second person considering that she was a female and i myself am a female. i don't know what to do besides tell the doctor about my social anxiety, but i don't know if my dpctor (practitioner) could make a proper diagnosis if i don't tell him/her where the anxiety stems from. i suppose i would be alright if i told the doc about my social anxiety and whatnot and hope that he/she would believe me if i said that it's due to school stress... but i don't think i'd be prescribed anything or be given therapy. thank you all for the kind and thoughtful messages x
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-11-2014, 08:06 AM
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thank you all for your replies and sorry for replying late. i've read each of your suggestions and have been thinking about what is best for me to do, but i'm still hesitant about letting anyone aside from you all know about what happened to me. i just feel as if my mother wouldn't believe me and i really don't want her to know who did it.. i also couldn't live with myself if the people who did those awful things to me went to jail. i forgot one of the two people entirely (hardly remember their face, forgot their full name) and it's a little tricky with the second person considering that she was a female and i myself am a female. i don't know what to do besides tell the doctor about my social anxiety, but i don't know if my dpctor (practitioner) could make a proper diagnosis if i don't tell him/her where the anxiety stems from. i suppose i would be alright if i told the doc about my social anxiety and whatnot and hope that he/she would believe me if i said that it's due to school stress... but i don't think i'd be prescribed anything or be given therapy. thank you all for the kind and thoughtful messages x

If you're worried that you might not be taken seriously by the doctor (it's a common fear, apparently - I certainly felt the same), rest assured it's most likely you will be, especially if things like the hair pulling habit are mentioned. That's a major sign that any professional will take seriously.

When I first saw the doc to ask for help I was taken seriously, and my issues were much less severe than yours, by the sound of it, so I'd be very surprised if you weren't taken seriously. GPs these days are used to dealing with things like this. Depression is one of the most common things people seek their help for, for example.

Regardless if he/she gives you a diagnosis there and then or refers you to a therapist for a diagnosis, you can ask about seeing a therapist yourself - which I would strongly recommend you do.

As for telling your mum, that's entirely up to you, and I don't think you should feel pressured to tell her before you are ready to, or if you would prefer not to. It's understandable if you feel you have enough to worry about already without all that too.

In my experience, when the docs asked questions, you still can choose how much or little to tell them. (a good doctor will be sensitive to this)

As a side note, I've heard anecdotally that female on female sexual abuse is actually more common than it seems, just that it isn't something that is in the public consciousness quite as much as other forms of abuse. Rest assured however, that mental health professionals will take it seriously if you choose to tell them at some point in the future.

Good luck!
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-11-2014, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredycatt View Post
long story short, i've been sexually assaulted by a couple of family "friends" back when i was about 9-10 i'd say, i remember what happened and have frequent flashbacks especially when i see a movie or watch something on the news about assault/abuse and it brings back the memories all over again and i begin to get teary-eyed and my heart starts racing.
i didn't know where else to post this. thanks in advance x
sounds like you have PTSD

you must start therapy. Even if it may seem scary to talk about your abuse , you HAVE TO. Your healing must start now. Think like this: it will be hard, and it will take a long time to heal. But rather get started now, than delaying it.

Another good idea is to seek out an abuse support group, it will maek you feel less alone

You have my deepest sympathies.
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