Agoraphobia

I would like to start a thread to talk with people who also have agoraphobia. I am housebound except for appointments, where a "safe person" I think in my mind, will be meeting me, such as my psychiatrist or therapist. I can leave the apartment with my husband otherwise. Otherwise, I am housebound a lot of the time. What is your experience?

I had this for awhile it was very rough. I slowly ventured out and was able to overcome it.

I haven't been diagnosed with agoraphobia, but I think people are dangerous and avoid them whenever possible. It takes me a long time to figure out whether or not a person or location is "safe", and I generally won't feel comfortable around them/there until I know they are safe. Tbh, I can't think of anyone who falls into that category atm, other than my therapist. Who I only talk to on the phone. I can use my grocery store okay because I've been going there for almost 20 years. I can use the Tim Hortons near my house and the public library but I get really anxious when I'm in those places and leave as quickly as I can. I avoid going anywhere else. I don't even really feel safe with my parents or being at their house.

So I can leave the house, but the more people there are, the less familiar a location is, and the harder it is for me to leave a situation, the more afraid that I am. So I walk everywhere instead of taking the buses (which give me borderline panic attacks), and when I do walk I prefer to keep my distance from other people. I don't use public restrooms (too easy to trap someone), and I avoid crowds like the plague. A music concert is my idea of hell on earth.

I find a lot of things all but impossible without a support person (or as I like to call them, a "bodyguard"), like going to support groups or meetups. I don't know how anyone manages to do things like that. When I was in a relationship I was able to do a lot more than I can now because I had someone with me. I don't have anyone like that in my life now, though, and I don't expect to ever find anyone like that again so I think I'm just screwed. My therapist suggested a support animal, but I can't afford veterinary bills. And I'm scared of dogs, too.

I can't work, because I'm too afraid, I don't make enough money from my writing to pay my bills, and I don't qualify for disability, so when I lose my house, I guess I'll just end up homeless.

I'm an agoraphobe too. I'm afraid of grocery stores. It's really embarrassing and people really don't get. When I'm in my dorm, I can't stand to hear the sound of people talking outside my door. It completely freaks me out. I drown out the sound with really loud music. I also can't stand looking out the window of my room; I swear people are looking back at me and I feel super paranoid. I can't leave the house without music and I dance to it in public; I think people are going to look at me and judge me anyway, why not look at me because of my super sweet dance moves. The worst is the idea of having to talk to someone. Take the grocery store for example: sometimes the thing that pushes me over the edge and leads to a complete break down is imagining the cashier saying "would you like your receipt?" and me having to answer a direct question from a total stranger. My dog helps to get me out of the house because (1) he needs to pee and I need to make sure that doesn't happen inside and (2) he's so excited to be outside that there's enough confidence in him for the both of us.

There's this thing I wrote one day for creative writing class. I wrote it as a comedic piece about agoraphobia, my family said it helped them understand me better.

Attached Files

File Type: pdf

Agoraphobe's honest resume.pdf (32.0 KB, 2 views)