You ever wish you could go to a bar and just be social? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
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You ever wish you could go to a bar and just be social?


I wish personally I could be that person who goes to the same bar every Friday night, and I magically can talk to people. Anyone actually do this? If you do, how????? I have only been to two bars, and man I so anxious the whole time. I was afraid someone was going to try to talk to me. It's awful when you want someone to talk to you, but also somehow not have anyone talk to you! I can't even imagine walking into a bar alone, sitting at the bar, and just sitting there with a drink. Idk.
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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 09:46 PM
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No.

/WYSD
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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 10:04 PM
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I used to do that, but I discovered I'd rather drink in comfort, other people don't make me comfortable no matter how much I tried.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 12:20 AM
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Nightclubs are better since it's darker and there is less sitting involved. More intermingling and talking to randoms. A lot of people just stand around on the sidelines and people watch. If it's crowded, people won't be able to tell that you came alone. I mean, I wouldn't go to just meet friends. I always went to talk to guys.

I think sit-down bars are more about just hanging with your friends or whoever you came with. Not about meeting new people. That would be more awkward to go to alone.
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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 12:25 AM
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nah.... I'd rather drink or smoke in comfort.
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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 10:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyf1991 View Post
I wish personally I could be that person who goes to the same bar every Friday night, and I magically can talk to people. Anyone actually do this? If you do, how????? I have only been to two bars, and man I so anxious the whole time. I was afraid someone was going to try to talk to me. It's awful when you want someone to talk to you, but also somehow not have anyone talk to you! I can't even imagine walking into a bar alone, sitting at the bar, and just sitting there with a drink. Idk.
yes, I've done it. It depends a lot on the music that is being played. If it suits your personality then you'll feel comfortable. It also means that people there also like that music and you have something in common, even if you don't talk about music. If it's near a college, it's an even bigger plus because they are probably nerdy and talk with more substance while still being young and inexperienced.

I remember I once walked into a very niche "classic rock n' roll" bar in tokyo where they'd only play music from LPs that you pick out from their library. So it was very interactive from the start. I ended up talking for much of the night with an old concert promoter from the 60s and 70s about rock concerts in Japan from that age. it was very interesting.

Another time, I wanted to go see a local band play in my college town, and nobody from my residence floor wanted to go (like usual with me), so I went by myself and met all these other very artistic college kids (from a different college than mine) and I had lots of fun. I think a girl flashed her top at the band .

But I usually wouldn't go to the bar regularly, weekly, though. In my university the campus bar was always full on mondays, so there were probably lots of regulars going who might have ended being friends with each other, but I wouldn't know.

"I might be great tomorrow, but hopeless yesterday"
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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 10:27 AM
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I used to do that, but I discovered I'd rather drink in comfort, other people don't make me comfortable no matter how much I tried.
The first time I woke up at 2 AM facedown in the hallway in a puddle of red Mad Dog 20/20 vomit (which took me hours with a shop vac to clean up) broke me of drinking for pleasure.

/WYSD
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 10:57 AM
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Not really. I've never really felt an urge to talk to random strangers. Used to go to bars/pubs/clubs with people I knew and never saw an appeal to talking to random people there for the sake of it (obviously in clubs you can't really talk because of loud music, but pubs/bars.) Maybe if they started talking about something I found really interesting or something. I have awkwardly talked to people in queues at concerts before to try and push myself, but it didn't really become a proper conversation.

Concerts would be a better place for me I think if I was going to, since there's at least one thing we have in common and often times people with similar music tastes will have other aesthetic interests (if it's a niche genre.) Also because some of these people are tumblr mutuals and we've stood in the same room before without communicating 21st century A lot of people who like IAMX also like goth aesthetics, psychology and esoteric stuff. But in practise at those concerts the only conversation I remember having was with someone apologising to me for jumping in front of me and stealing a plectrum that someone on stage was trying to hand to me after a concert, because they got more excited and I'm a bit slow/robotic. ¬_¬
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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 02:22 PM
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I think it'd be healthier and safer to separate the idea of socializing and getting intoxicated
Probably, what's healthier or safer is subjective, the best advice I'd suggest is never drink if you can avoid it, though if I had to choose one or the other at this stage socialising wouldn't be high on the list, I think I'd leave it to the pro's, the extroverts, the naturals






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 02:32 PM
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The first time I woke up at 2 AM facedown in the hallway in a puddle of red Mad Dog 20/20 vomit (which took me hours with a shop vac to clean up) broke me of drinking for pleasure.
Yeah the first time drinking shots I woke up on the ground in similar fashion in the early hours, I was hoping for a Darwin award, but alas I survived






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 06:44 PM
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I wish I could go to a bar even just to drink by myself. But my danger! danger! sense would just be going off the whole time. I can force myself to sit in coffee shops and read now, though. That's a major achievement for me. But coffee shops tend to not be full of rowdy drunks.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 07:15 PM
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No. I dont like drinking or bars. My sister that lives in Iowa goes to bars all the time but I dont see how she enjoys it honestly. Plus they're dangerous anyways. Guess she just gets really bored. :/

I'd rather do something out in nature or go on a road trip or something.
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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 07:27 PM
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Shockingly, I did manage to do this twice a few years ago. I was posting about the whole process on here. It started with me taking long walks on weekends so that I would feel like less of a loser. Then I got the idea to try going into bars I saw on the way. I was too scared to do it at first, but I eventually managed to do it by first going to eat at a restaurant and having some beers with the food, then once I was slightly drunk I would walk into the bar I wanted to go to. I succeeded in this, had drinks by myself, and left. I did this with a couple of different bars. Then on one occasion I went to a new bar and somehow ended up conversing with a few people, including an actual female, believe it or not. It was a wild night - and by wild I mean nothing happened other than talking, but that's wild for me. Another time, a few weeks later, I went to the same bar again, and while it wasn't as wild as the first time, I did end up conversing with people again, including one of the top executives at Wikipedia, who happened to be in town. Yeah that was crazy.

I think I went to a bar by myself one or two more times after that, but I haven't done it in about 5 years. My Loser Quotient (LQ) has increased significantly since then (and I was already a top-tier loser back then), so I don't have the motivation to go these days. Embarrassing moments, mis-steps and awkward interactions get to me much more than they should, so it feels like an ordeal to go to a bar now and I want to save myself that mental agitation. But anyway, I'm still glad I mustered up the courage to work myself up to going to a bar. At least I took a risk and did something for a change.
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 10:25 PM
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I'm not really a big drinker, rarely drink anymore, but I'm sort of with going into a bar and drinking. Not the going up to people and socialising though. It'd be fine if they came up to me, but I can't initiate.

always
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 11:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyf1991 View Post
I wish personally I could be that person who goes to the same bar every Friday night, and I magically can talk to people. Anyone actually do this? If you do, how????? I have only been to two bars, and man I so anxious the whole time. I was afraid someone was going to try to talk to me. It's awful when you want someone to talk to you, but also somehow not have anyone talk to you! I can't even imagine walking into a bar alone, sitting at the bar, and just sitting there with a drink. Idk.
No. I dont want to be like everyone else. Don't do what everyone else wants to do. Do what you want to do, and find people that wants to do it with you
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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 12:51 AM
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I can't even imagine walking into a bar alone, sitting at the bar, and just sitting there with a drink.

Although I think a lot of bar regulars, especially in the smaller local bars falls into this category.
The popular local celebrity bar frequenter who chats up a storm with just about everyone and makes friends with everyone easily, I figure those are a very small minority of the cases. Also might not be a good thing, since the more known you're, the bigger the bullseye you can be to bad people with cruel intentions.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.

If I fail to adapt to the fault of others, it is my fault.
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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 10:37 PM
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Bar is for mingling with intoxicated people who fluid fake brain chemicals. So the supercomputers can draw out bits of their regulated thoughts and regulated emotions into the designed mentality. Where the bar environment can become sociable for the NSA Software Engineers to evaluate enough citizens into system archives.


Social agents of the Multi-Agent AI System can slip drugs into drinks. Allowing the software engineers to make it easier for citizens to rape, break out arguments, sexually harass one another. When the citizen question another citizen about eye balling their lady buttocks. The AI Computers go into deep simulation mode for initiating provoking scenes.

Citizens

"You want to fight meeee"
"Huh"
You look at my girl butt"
"I got a gun in my pockets"

AI Translating Thought keys

"I'll beat cha sissy ***"
"Come do that to me, bruh"
"I got my glocks in my pocket, son"

Software Engineers behind the digital screen observing citizens

"The citizens are unintelligent species"
"We remapped their environment mind during sleep mode to reboot humanity"
"Yeah we did"
"We created math, science and language"
"All the supercomputers did is designed concepts for sampling citizens mind"
"Like mathematicians, scientists and philosophers"
"Albert Einstein"
"We have a copy of Albert Einstein brain inside the computational intelligence system"
"****ing easy, we professionals of humanity"
"exactly, professionally untouchable, ha, ha!!"

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers managing humanity 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.

NSA Software Engineers computionally remapping buildings, jobs, relationships, wealth, education, and income using bio intelligence system to manage citizens time & events in their own environment.


The real creator gave the programmers restricted technologies.
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 07:02 PM
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No way, someone will probably try to fight me and I don't need that.

I don't like being around drunk people either. I've seen what can happen too many times.
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 07:41 PM
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no

Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak.
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 07:54 PM
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You may quickly find out how mundane and boring most other people really are. I go out to eat alone occasionally, sometimes to bar-type places, and I would rather people just leave me be except for the waitress when/if I need her.

You are the wave, I am the naked island.
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