When did you learn that life wasn't fair? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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When did you learn that life wasn't fair?


Saw this on Reddit, so when did you learn it? As well as that, why do you think life is unfair? Is it inherent in the nature of biology/physics of our universe?
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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:16 PM
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In grade school. I had a principal that hated my dad from back in their school days and he made it a point to make my time at that school very hard. My dad picked on him when they were in school together is why he hated him and because of that me as well. I was already bullied quite a bit back then and he allowed them a free pass to do whatever to me with no consequences for the two years he was my principal.

As far as why life is unfair the list is infinite. Dwelling on things you can't change like what's fair and unfair about life is a waste of time though. Just gotta do the best you can with what you have. You're gonna be in a lot of unfair situations in life and probably have some unfair advantages yourself compared to some others. It's the nature of the universe.
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:23 PM
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I grew up with brothers and sisters. So I've known it all my life.

Edit: Actually, tbph, I'm fairly sure that my dad used to say "life isn't fair, get used to it" when we used to complain about unfair treatment.

Edit 2: I think even approximating fairness is mostly hopeless, since everyone starts out with different genetics and environments. Which is why I'm a pragmatist and an opportunist, not an idealist.

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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:29 PM
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:49 PM
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Life is very fair for me. I haven't done anything meaningful in life and as a result I achieved nothing.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:59 PM
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I'm not sure I ever really believed it was.

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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:05 PM
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I think the moment of realization was when I was 15/16,... when I began to suffer from depression.
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:37 PM
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Except for people with physical disabilities, it's all what you make of life.

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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 07:47 PM
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Honestly I've never really felt that way. Sure, I've been dealt some bad cards my whole life but I never achieved anything without trying either. You get as much out of life as you're willing to put into it. There's no free rides.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 08:41 PM
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On a sort of superficial, rational level, I've known it for a while. Probably since I became an atheist in my early 20s. I accepted it on more of a deeper level after experiencing a rather harrowing psychotic episode that sent me to hospital for 12 weeks.

The universe is this way because it's not fundamentally "meant" for sentient life. We just somehow happened to come into the picture. Meaning, and concepts such as fairness are human inventions. That's not to say that they aren't valuable - they are valuable because we choose to value them. As far as the universe is "concerned", we are basically just a bunch of particles bouncing around into each other.

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 09:41 PM
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I have a much older brother who was treated a lot better than myself (still is for that matter) and was given free license to bully my sister and I so it goes back about as far as I can remember. I remember my parents constantly parroting the line "Life ain't fair" anytime I got to whining about him.

Life is too damn complex for everything to be divvied equally.
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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 09:45 PM
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Becoming ill when I was 10-11 and dealing with brain trauma that brought out or at least intensified the difficulties I have socially now.

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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 01:02 AM
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Probably 4, I remember my first day of school & thinking "why am I being imprisoned here"






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 05:34 AM
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as a young kid, witnessing my white dad being treated way better than my asian mother

more issues than vogue
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 06:22 AM
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When I noticed that sleazy charismatic liars are the only kind of people that always win, and good people always get used and screwed over.

It seems like the more of a**hole you are, the more successful you'll be in life.
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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 06:39 AM
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Originally Posted by RelinquishedHell View Post
When I noticed that sleazy charismatic liars are the only kind of people that always win, and good people always get used and screwed over.

It seems like the more of a**hole you are, the more successful you'll be in life.
I agree. I used to be quite bitter about it but then I realised if that's the way you get ahead in life I don't want to be 'successful'. Also it really depends on how you are measuring success.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 10:59 AM
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I didn't respond to this part before:

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As well as that, why do you think life is unfair? Is it inherent in the nature of biology/physics of our universe?
If you assert a force on an object it will assert an equal one in response, but unless the forces are acting on the same body or balanced, they will not cancel each other out. At least, that's what Newton's third law claims. An object's resistance to changes in motion (inertia,) increases with mass.

Most of what Humans consider to be unfair, isn't a result of physical laws in the universe, but of Human consciousness and behaviour. The closer you get to Human behaviour, the more personalised things become.

Humans are primarily interested in what is fair/unfair for themselves or whom they've bonded with in some way, (and this varies in degrees.) So most of the focus is on Humanity and the species that remind Humans the most of themselves and/or their offspring and that they've in some cases partially adopted (like dogs and cats.) Other stuff feels relatively irrelevant even if it seems unfair. Even on a higher biological level (eg: other lifeforms on Earth.) Unless the Human can relate to or idealise them in some way.

For example if I consider this parasitic barnacle:

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The presence of the parasite retards the development of the crab's gonads, which eventually atrophy. The parasite causes a male crab to develop certain feminine characteristics including the broadening of its abdomen, while in females, the abdomen becomes narrower and the pleopods degenerate. The eggs of the parasite develop in the externa and both male and female crabs carry these eggs around, secured under their abdomen, in the way that female crabs normally care for their own brood (but males never do). If the parasite is experimentally removed from the host, female crabs will usually regenerate their ovaries, but in males, sex change takes place and they develop ovarian tissue.[5]
I can relate to it in some ways, because I have some similar desires. Likewise somewhat with the female of this bird species based on certain attractions:

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A third type of male was first described in 2006; this is a permanent female mimic, the first such reported for a bird. About 1% of males are small, intermediate in size between males and females, and do not grow the elaborate breeding plumage of the territorial and satellite males, although they have much larger internal testes than the ruffed males.[10] Although the males of most lekking bird species have relatively small testes for their size, male ruffs have the most disproportionately large testes of any bird.[37]

This cryptic male, or "faeder" (Old English "father") obtains access to mating territories together with the females, and "steals" matings when the females crouch to solicit copulation.[10] The faeder moults into the prenuptial male plumage with striped feathers, but does not go on to develop the ornamental feathers of the normal male. As described above, this stage is thought to show the original male breeding plumage, before other male types evolved. A faeder can be distinguished in the hand by its wing length, which is intermediate between those of displaying males and females.[38] Despite their feminine appearance, the faeders migrate with the larger 'normal' lekking males and spend the winter with them.[39] The faeders are sometimes mounted by independent or satellite males, but are as often "on top" in homosexual mountings as the ruffed males, suggesting that their true identity is known by the other males. Females never mount males.[10] Females often seem to prefer mating with faeders to copulation with normal males, and normal males also copulate with faeders (and vice versa) relatively more often than with females. The homosexual copulations may attract females to the lek, like the presence of satellite males.[40]
But I don't want to be either species because I'm attracted to Humans not the birds, or crabs (also because the female of that bird species don't take on a male sex role ever, although maybe they want to but can't express that.) Likewise I shared knowledge about the parasitic barnacle with some people I know who want to be feminised, so one person responded with 'god I wish that were me.' obviously they don't really, because they don't want to be a crab, they just want to be female.

The Human mind is kind of weird though because it can develop sexual fantasies based on physiology it doesn't have, but that other animals do have. Almost like it gets ahead of itself in terms of evolution that way. Here's another example:

Quote:
Seahorses have an ovipositor for introducing eggs into the brood pouch of the male, who carries them until it is time to release the fry into a suitable situation in the open water.
Some Humans also like to fantasise about ovipositors and being impregnated by them (too 18+ to link example.) Far more common though are sexual fantasies that incorporate feline/canine mating habits since people have greater exposure to those animals and they are also mammals. The former fantasy has gained in popularity though, because I guess exposure has also increased via alien media stuff and such. These fantasies tend to involve anthropomorphisations of course, though they don't always.

Differences are seen in what is fair/unfair depending on how much weight a person gives it according to their own needs/desires. To continue with the above example:

Quote:
I wake up in the morning sometimes, already frustrated that i'm not physically a fox this morning. I'd even go so far as to say that I could change into a fox but I wouldn't be able to talk or type or do anything other than what foxes can, I'd take it, run off to the forest and call my life as a human 'time served'...
But that's more answering the question of 'is why life is seen as unfair shared among people?' The answer to that is no, but then since we know certain groups of people are more likely to identify with anthropormphisations and animals you could argue that that too is inherent, just atypical. The closer you are to your ideal self, the more fair you probably think things are.

But if fairness = balance, then it won't be on a Newtonian physics level and every level removed from it. Things can be, but usually they are not.

(Yes this was absolutely an excuse to sperg about stuff.)

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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 11:14 AM
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I always knew it even as a child from either seeing it or hearing about the mistreatment of others.

I don't think life is "fair" for anyone. It's filled with good and bad, and things happen unexpectedly. I don't view that as some form of higher being getting back at you or attacking someone personally. Life is what you make it. It can throw curve balls at you and how you handle it that's in your court. Whenever something bad happens to me, if I can, I try to take something from it. What can I do in order to be in control of this situation? what is there to learn from it besides life being unfair.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by RelinquishedHell View Post
It seems like the more of a**hole you are, the more successful you'll be in life.
... They should really be teaching @$$hole classes in school to prepare people for the world, I'm only becoming a quality @$$hole now when I shoulda been one 20 years ago : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 06:05 PM
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Growing up my Dad used to tell me stories of how he made the track team AND the basketball team. Apparently he was quite the star player.

All the Tv shows I watched growing up said that if you just try hard enough you can do anything (power rangers, pokemon etc)

Every year in high school I tried out for the basketball team. Never made the cut. I did make the track team once...trained as hard as I could.... when the final race came...I placed last in the race.

Life is not fair. Sometimes even with your best efforts...things don't work out.
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