Is there anything wrong with a man crossdressing in public? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Is there anything wrong with a man crossdressing in public?


I was brought to this question when reading this article on the Daily Mail about an American dad in Germany who decided to wear skirts and heels to work everyday.

I thought it was fine (live and let live) but most of the comments say it's ridiculous and should be shamed. What do you think?

Also, would crossdressing man be a turnoff for most women and is that prejudice? How far can a man be feminine? I don't think a man wearing skinny jeans or yoga pants is an issue for some but maybe overtly feminine things like high heels, skirts, etc..

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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 03:43 PM
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It does feel weird and shocking initially just from the picture, but I imagine you'd get used to it if you saw him daily. Certainly don't think there's anything wrong with it morally.
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 03:54 PM
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 04:21 PM
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"Wrong" lol. You would have to do an insane amount of mind bending to come to the conclusion that wearing certain clothes is wrong if you're a man.



Crossdressing would certainly be a "turn-off" for many straight women, but getting turned off/on is a sexual thing which you can't change and it only matters if you're trying to seduce and attract a specific person. Like if I generally find women with bangs attractive, that doesn't mean I go around shaming women with no bangs for not turning me on and vice versa, it makes no sense for women to expect me to turn on them with my clothes, hair, etc.
Why would anyone dress to please others, that doesn't sound healthy? You should always dress for yourself and what becomes to intimate relationships, you only need to "turn on" that one person, right?


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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 05:45 PM
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It'd definitely catch my eye in a "well, that's unusual" way since I've bumped into very, very few trans people in real life (I know you're just talking about crossdressers but I haven't met any that I know of). I wouldn't freak out about it. That whole deal of "men are supposed to act and dress like this, women are supposed to dress and act like that" is total bull**** to me. I don't like people who tell me or others how we should be unless it's about actual moral stuff. I'm not feminine or anything but people have messed with me in the past for not being manly enough. I say **** those guys. Let's mix it up.

I actually find some masculine behaviour on girls attractive. It's not my only preference though, I get really into very feminine girls as well. I have an eclectic taste.

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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 06:22 PM
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I think there's something inherently weird about thinking "this group of people should dress like this" and "that group of people should dress like that". And I think there's something morally wrong about shaming people for it. (Inflicting a harm on another person for engaging in a behavior which causes no harm.) People can be as masculine or feminine as they want to be.

That picture doesn't phase me at all. I'm completely desensitized to people's gender expression at this point. And he pulls it off better than I could, lol. I'd probably look twice if I saw him IRL, but only because it's so uncommon. I've only ever seen one gender nonconforming male IRL out walking around in public. Which is the same as the number of toads I've caught in my basement this year and half the number of wild turkeys I've seen out walking around.

I'm sure it's a turnoff for most straight women, but I don't believe that's a form of prejudice. People can't control what they're attracted to. Shaming someone for dressing like that is a form of prejudice, though, because people are responsible for their behavior. "Sorry, I'm not interested." <- not prejudice. "Get away from me, you freak." <- prejudice.

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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truant View Post
I'm sure it's a turnoff for most straight women, but I don't believe that's a form of prejudice. People can't control what they're attracted to. Shaming someone for dressing like that is a form of prejudice, though, because people are responsible for their behavior. "Sorry, I'm not interested." <- not prejudice. "Get away from me, you freak." <- prejudice.
Random thought:



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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 06:55 PM
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I don't think there is, but obviously most people do, which is why the comments are like that everywhere in response to stories like this and why it's news worthy in the first place.

Quote:
Also, would crossdressing man be a turnoff for most women and is that prejudice? How far can a man be feminine? I don't think a man wearing skinny jeans or yoga pants is an issue for some but maybe overtly feminine things like high heels, skirts, etc..
That really depends on the details of their sexuality. I would assume most would be turned off by it but it won't necessarily be a dealbreaker in every case even if they are. I've come across women who aren't into it who stay with their partners for other reasons.

There's a subreddit for straight or bisexual identified women and men who are into reversing gender roles (it's not just about cross dressing though):

r/rolereversal

(it's not really a porn sub but I prob shouldn't link it directly because I'm actually not sure if they allow nsfw stuff that would be banned here.)

You can also find them posting on r/feminineboys and subs like that asking if people there are attracted to women or only men. However the average poster in those places is much younger.

It's quite easy to find them if you know where to look they post probably weekly or more:

https://www.reddit.com/r/feminineboy..._find_femboys/

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I'm a girl who happens to absolutely love how femboys act and look from a very young age, however because of the field I study in (pharmacy) it's impossible to find femboys and I have no idea where to look to socialize and get to know more about femboys. I remember the first guy I dated I was attracted to because he had long hair and very beautiful features that I looked at him like a princess. However he "grew out of it" and I wasn't suitable for him anymore. I genuinely want to know more but holy smokes it's borderline impossible in medical field. Please, if anyone have any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
lmao yeah I'm sure it's the pharmacy thing and not that it's rare in general.

(most recent post I found, but again there's a certain physical aesthetic they're usually looking for as well like slim and/or with long hair.)

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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 07:17 PM
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I could care less, and even if it did bother me there are way worse things to worry about other than the way anyway dresses. All else being equal I find people who are different in some way preferable to those trying to conform. Difference is genuine. Why be "normal"? Why? Life is too short to spend it trying to be accepted by the majority. **** the majority.

Though, I do wonder how practical something like this is. I would just think you'd have a lot of people asking you why you're wearing a skirt or whatever (assuming you're not obviously transgender as it appears is the case here). And having to constantly explain it. People might also take it the wrong way and think he's doing it as a dare or out of mockery or something.

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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 07:35 PM
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The outfit doesn't look good, at least to me. It seems off, not that I am some sort of fashion guru. I think that is what struck me most when I saw the picture, not that he was dressed in a skirt and high heels, it just looked off and not very well coordinated.



I think people should dress however they wish to, and think that is very likely to be the future of fashion anyway. For now it will likely stir disgust in some people because it violates social norms that people have been raised to believe in as well as find safety and comfort with.. I think it is pretty normal for people to react that way, when they feel their way of life is threatened - eventually they find that it is not and get on with life.

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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-24-2020, 08:41 PM
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I read the daily mail comments I mean it wasn't all negative:

Quote:
He wears it well. He has nice outfits and a cute bum. I'm okay with it.
There was also a youtube video I found because I was trying to find his instagram profile. A bunch of the comments are like 'Yep, his wife wears the pants in their relationship.' Even one that was more positive:

Quote:
He has great legs so might as well show them off. I see nothing wrong with this and wish the world but especially Women were more open minded to this. Love .58 nice bag too and shoes. Yes the wife wears the trousers in his relationship no doubt and there is no harm or nothing wrong with that. As long as they are both happy that's all tha matters. I would say they both get great sex afterwards.
It's just pretty weird how so many people were saying the exact same thing but anyway

OK so I dug up his instagram so:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CE4JUFZqG04/

this outfit looks pretty good one thing that stands out to me is the top commenter on this post is:

Quote:
Love sexy way you walk. Oh my such a gorgeous man in a skirt. ��
but his response was:

Quote:
gorgeous should be used only for women. I prefer handsome ��
(I mean he did say thank you with a blushing emoji afterwards though.)

also in the article it points out for some reason that he doesn't act like a sissy. Also in this post (actually all of them,) he highlights all the masculine things about him, so for people who find femininity attractive that kind of attitude is going to be a turn off generally just saying. This guy doesn't seem feminine at all really he just wears female shoes and skirts, and he's married so I guess it's fine for him. I think different people like different combinations but I suppose I'm saying this isn't really a good example of 'how far can a man be feminine.' Because what he seems to be doing is trying to masculinise shoes and skirts which is fine but a different thing.

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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-26-2020, 09:18 PM
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The only thing I find weird (or questionable) about this crossdressing decision is this: I've heard and read women complain a lot about high heeled shoes. That they're uncomfortable, that you get bunyons from the unnatural narrow toes, that a slip could really mess your ankles, etc. So why would anybody opt for wearing these kinds of shoes when they don't have to?

This man's decision is not logical at all.

I can understand women feeling like they have to wear high heels, since it's a feminine look and all, and since they're not free to wear oxfords or steeltoes or whatever other kind of shoes that a man would be "accepted" to wear. But a man choosing to wear high heel shoes? To me it's like choosing to ride a horse to work rather than drive to work. it makes no functional sense.

As for skirts, I'm not really sure. I don't know what their advantage is over trousers, other than it having no zipper to put a man's private parts in danger...though that guy in the photo also shaved his legs...

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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-26-2020, 10:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Micronian View Post
The only thing I find weird (or questionable) about this crossdressing decision is this: I've heard and read women complain a lot about high heeled shoes. That they're uncomfortable, that you get bunyons from the unnatural narrow toes, that a slip could really mess your ankles, etc. So why would anybody opt for wearing these kinds of shoes when they don't have to?

This man's decision is not logical at all.

I can understand women feeling like they have to wear high heels, since it's a feminine look and all, and since they're not free to wear oxfords or steeltoes or whatever other kind of shoes that a man would be "accepted" to wear. But a man choosing to wear high heel shoes? To me it's like choosing to ride a horse to work rather than drive to work. it makes no functional sense.

As for skirts, I'm not really sure. I don't know what their advantage is over trousers, other than it having no zipper to put a man's private parts in danger...though that guy in the photo also shaved his legs...
Uh you know women don't have to wear them either lol.. There are loads of other options. Some people just like looking feminine. But I agree they are bad for your feet and shouldn't be worn regularly for that reason.

It's interesting how transformative just wearing the heels is though eg:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CE4JUFZqG04/

Anyway nothing about femininity is practical that's the whole thing, it's just an aesthetic choice.

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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 12:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Micronian View Post
This man's decision is not logical at all.
People don't make their decisions based on logic. They make them based on preferences. Then they use logic to rationalize and justify acting on their preferences.

Look at (American) football. That stuff is far more dangerous than wearing high heels. Which makes it far less logical. But not only to people not criticize people for playing it, they make their children play it. And then millions of people sit around watching other people play it while consuming toxic substances like beer, and eating unhealthy food, like potato chips. Which is even less logical than playing football.

Wearing heels does not have to pass the logic test. Nobody's decisions pass the logic test, because there is no logical justification for doing anything.

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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 09:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truant View Post
People don't make their decisions based on logic. They make them based on preferences. Then they use logic to rationalize and justify acting on their preferences.

Look at (American) football. That stuff is far more dangerous than wearing high heels. Which makes it far less logical. But not only to people not criticize people for playing it, they make their children play it. And then millions of people sit around watching other people play it while consuming toxic substances like beer, and eating unhealthy food, like potato chips. Which is even less logical than playing football.

Wearing heels does not have to pass the logic test. Nobody's decisions pass the logic test, because there is no logical justification for doing anything.
My brain is wired predominantly for logic and usefulness and execution of designs (I'm the unpopular INTJ personality type), so I definitely understand the absence of logic in many people who go about their lives--and how real that is our human decisions. I'm just pointing out that the choice to wear those clothes and shoes is not made for the purpose of practical function. Maybe he just wants to look like that because he feels like it, which in my brain is like dividing by zero.

As for the football, it doesn't quite apply because players are required to wear the assigned uniform. They cannot enter the field if they don't wear the pads, helmet, shoes, etc. This man wasn't forced by any rule to wear the skirt and high heels.

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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 10:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Micronian View Post
The only thing I find weird (or questionable) about this crossdressing decision is this: I've heard and read women complain a lot about high heeled shoes. That they're uncomfortable, that you get bunyons from the unnatural narrow toes, that a slip could really mess your ankles, etc. So why would anybody opt for wearing these kinds of shoes when they don't have to?

This man's decision is not logical at all.

I can understand women feeling like they have to wear high heels, since it's a feminine look and all, and since they're not free to wear oxfords or steeltoes or whatever other kind of shoes that a man would be "accepted" to wear. But a man choosing to wear high heel shoes? To me it's like choosing to ride a horse to work rather than drive to work. it makes no functional sense.

As for skirts, I'm not really sure. I don't know what their advantage is over trousers, other than it having no zipper to put a man's private parts in danger...though that guy in the photo also shaved his legs...
Because fashion is all about logic. We should all be walking around in grey clothes that cover the body just optimally for the weather. And then why not all shave our heads as well? Hair is often cumbersome. Ah yes, now we've reached peak logical efficiency as a society. I can arrive at work 1 millisecond earlier due to my efficient aerodynamic jacket.
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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 11:22 AM
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 11:48 AM
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this is true for me though

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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 12:03 PM
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Looks like he puts quite a bit of work into those legs - I bet he moisturises. My sister might like the shoes - but not on him.

Who's to say it's wrong - obviously not me. In many places he'd no doubt get some negative attention though I'd imagine.

Probably not here though. I remember when I was waiting for a bus last year and this guy was standing near me with quite a nice dress on and a nice little sun-hat. (plus a hand-bag) I remember noticing how much work he'd put into his legs too - quite admirable really. No-one seemed to be paying him much attention - although I must admit I was wondering why he didn't shave his beard off as well.
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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-27-2020, 12:03 PM
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I don't see how this could even be in question. If it's acceptable for one sex, it is for the other. Anything else is blatant discrimination.
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