I hear my voice as I hear it inside, not how it actually sounds. I don't like to hear my voice played back to me but it's not nearly as painful as seeing my image.
I see myself from a third person when imagining possible scenarios too, but a non-anxious version of myself, and also how I see myself in the mirror which is not that bad for some reason. It never goes as well as I pictured it/wanted it to go. With the past sometimes it's like a movie, other times as I think it went from my POV.
My voice doesn't bother me as much as my body, but it's still a big problem for me. It still triggers my gender dysphoria. It can be extremely weird and alienating to be sitting around all day thinking in one voice (the voice I hear 99% of the time) and then have to answer the phone and hear my "man voice" which I only ever hear when I'm talking to other people and which sounds completely different. My real voice sounds different in a recording, too. Though, tbh, I don't really find recordings of my voice any more upsetting than hearing myself talk on the phone.
I was wondering if people heard an "idealized" voice in part because I think people tend to idealize themselves when they picture themselves in their imagination. I think most people tend to sort of overlook their flaws a little and imagine they're more attractive than they are. So I wondered if they did the same thing with their voices. (Though, tbh, I don't know if they actually do this, it's just what I've heard.)
But yeah, lol. When I'm imagining possible scenarios I'm often a much more competent version of myself than I am IRL, because I'm imagining how I want things to go. But then I go and start thinking about all the things that can go wrong and it sort of corrects itself. My default is to imagine my female self-image when I project into the future. Which is fine when I'm just daydreaming about the kind of things I'd like to do. But if I'm preparing for a real event I'll "correct" that to my real body and evaluate it from that perspective since that's what I have to deal with. When I'm remembering stuff, I remember it in terms of my real body, obv, though I think mostly in first person.
What about when you dream? When I'm dreaming I'm usually in my real body (which sucks, my brain hates me) but I think that's because all my experiences IRL have been in that body. I do sometimes imagine myself in a more feminine version of my real body, like I've already transitioned and am presenting fully as female. I've only ever had a couple dreams where I was fully female. I find it odd that my default when waking is the female body but that it rarely shows up in dreams.
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread
I don't think it's my own voice, definitely not what my voice sounds like in recordings, not an idealised voice either though. I also don't think it has a gender at all. It will switch to other people's voices sometimes if I know what they sound like and I'm reading something they wrote or imagining them saying something. I think there's probably a kind of different tone/vibe as well sometimes if I'm reading something someone else wrote even if I don't know what they sound like, but not always.
It's hard to say when I'm trying to do it but I think I view myself in third and first person when picturing future or past stuff.
I do that thing when I'm reading. I use other voices for different characters and stuff. And if I'm reading nonfiction by a male author, I hear a male voice, and if by a female author, I hear a female voice. When I'm just thinking on my own, it's always the same female voice.
Idk where the mental female voice/body comes from. I think I must have settled on that a long time ago, when I was a kid, and it just sort of became ingrained. Some kind of maladaptive daydreaming type thing. I often wonder if it's based on a real person I saw on TV or something back in the 70s. I've looked through a bunch of celebrities trying to figure out who I cloned, but I haven't found them yet.