Frustrated - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-18-2014, 01:47 PM Thread Starter
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Frustrated


I'm frustrated that $&@!!ing E just finally decided to get back to us. Who the $&@! does he think he is? The king of ___? It pisses me off that he's so busy and I'm not. Makes me feel like a complete and total loser!

It helps me to get this off my chest because:

1. I know I'm not a 'complete and total loser' - there are actually a lot of good things going on in my life at the moment.

2. The fact that he's busy is actually a good thing - wouldn't you rather have a partner that's really busy than on that isn't?

3. Not reasonable to hold it against him that he has not been able to meet until now.

My advice: have him meet with MC first. This will help you on multiple levels.

Ok, I feel better!
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post #2 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-19-2014, 11:38 AM
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post #3 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-19-2014, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
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Woke up feeling really tired this morning. Went to bed about midnight after watching a Charlie Rose special on Robin Williams. They showed various interviews. What an amazing mind. A true genius. RIP.

Anyway, woke up about 530, which means I slept something like 5 hours. Not great, but about what I've been averaging for a while. Needless to say, I was dogged tired, but rather than try fall back asleep or, at least, rest, I decided instead to work on preparing for a presentation I have tomorrow. I had an idea and wanted to act on it immediately.

So, I went a got my laptop and brought it to bed. I created exactly what I wanted - looked great - and then tried to shut my eyes for a bit, but, that frankly didn't help much. Got up around 740 and decided to head to the gym. I recently joined an online fitness community where we log in our daily activity and I didn't want to not post anything.

I did a 20 minute workout on the LifeCycle at a very low level. Not really much of a workout, but it got me out of the house and 20 minutes of some exercise is certainly better than none.

Came home and was feeling down, frustrated, and tired. Closed my eyes for about 20 minutes to try to get a little bit of rest, but decided I needed to get to work on my project.

Took try to shake my blues and get me refocused and energized, I wrote myself a pep talk in my journal. Normally, I'll do the equivalent of a cognitive behavior therapy, where I'll unload my "automatic thoughts", identify the cognitive distortions, and then reply with a "rational response" that argues against the automatic thought.

This is usually quite helpful, but today I just wanted to cut to the chase to motivate myself to get busy, so I wrote a pep talk that, in essence, asked what choice I wanted to make today in terms of my mindset. It definitely helped get me going. I went to a local cafe and worked on my project for about 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Got a lot done. Completed about 80% of what I need to get done to be ready. Pleased with my effort and the result.

I also made an appointment to get my haircut, then went home and ate a big salad, posted on other parts of SAS, and then went and got my haircut. I actually feel good about getting my haircut. I almost procrastinated and made the excuse that the salon is too far away to walk and/or that I didn't have time. But I went and the guy who cuts my hair does a great job, so I'll look good for my meeting tomorrow.

So just got back and needed to vent and just put my thoughts out into the World Wide Web. I work alone for the most part. Everyone involved with the project works remotely, so, unless I go to a cafe, not a lot of human interaction.

Glad I found SAS because I now at least have a place to vent and clear my head.
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post #4 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Work with this guy who is pissing me off. I have to stay on top of him to get **** done. He says he's going to do something and then he doesn't do it.

If you agreed to do it, then $&@!ing do it! And quit *****ing and moaning about the woman who works for you not doing what she's supposed to do, when you're not either! Plus, we need this $&@!ing report to manage the business. It's the only report we use. Can't make it any easier than that. You told me you'd have it complete three weeks ago and it's still not $&@!ing done! What the $&@! is up with that?

Plus, pick up the &@!ing phone when I call you and quit playing hard to $&@!ing get!

Plus, we've created a system, so work to that for goodness sake!
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post #5 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:22 PM
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fire that guy lol

Whatever it takes.. this is what I want. I will bring it to life. When you have commited to do whatever it takes then you by definition are unstoppable
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post #6 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 09:16 AM Thread Starter
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The $&@er didn't create the reports he was supposed to, so I had to do it. He's a moody $&&@er. He's also a $&@ing hypocrite. He *****es and moans that his employee isn't doing what she's supposed to - that she's not organized enough. Look who is calling the kettle black. This pissed me off so much that I had a tough time sleeping, so I woke up feeling really tired. We're going to talk about all this today.
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post #7 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-27-2014, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Ok, so we finally got on the same page because I wrote the $&@!ing page. Otherwise, **** wouldn't get done. He's the most disorganized $&@er $&@er I've ever met.

I'm tired of having to stay on top of this $&@er $&@er to make sure **** gets done. But to his credit he is staring to get stuff done. I just need to keep him focused and check in daily.
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post #8 of 259 (permalink) Old 08-28-2014, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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Me. Ok, so things are starting to get better, but I'm so used to being frustrated and anxious that it's difficult for me not to continue to feel nervous/anxious.

Now my anxiety is related to my ability to perform and juggle multiple projects and not get all frazzled because I have so much going on.

I need to do something to help me feel happy and calm as opposed to frustrated and anxious, which has been my mode for what seems like forever.

RR. Ok, why are you feeling anxious? What are you afraid of?

Me. I now have so much going on that I'm afraid something will fall through the cracks or that I'll somehow not do a good job.

RR. Elaborate

Me. For example, next week I have a number of important meetings plus all this work I need to do. I'm particularly anxious about Thursday because I have to juggle conference calls with prospects while I'm at a client site. I'm afraid that I might not have enough time to prep for the calls and get set up. Plus, what if I can't get an internet connection?

RR. Here's a suggestion. See if you can reschedule the meeting with M, so you only have one meeting to worry about.

Me. Good idea.

RR. I appreciate you feeling nervous because that shows you care about doing a good job. In terms of juggling a lot of different tasks/projects/responsibilities, this come down to good time management and your willingness to put in the necessary hours to get the job done, which you've demonstrated over and over again you're capable of doing. Does that make sense?

Me. Absolutely. Thanks. This was highly helpful!
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post #9 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-02-2014, 10:09 AM Thread Starter
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NOT GOING TO LET HIM GET ME FRUSTRATED

Sent an email to the guy I've been complaining about last night. No response. Just called him and he didn't pick up. In the past this would piss me off like nobody's business, but I'm not going to let it bug me now. I'm simply going to find a way to work around him. It's really tough to work with someone with such anger issues and lack of maturity. But will talk to it.
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post #10 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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Me. This guy I'm working with is super emotional and apparently all pissed off because the call with a good prospect yesterday didn't go as planned. So, he basically, goes radio silent. He's $&@ing pissed off. I understand his frustration. He's put in a lot of effort and is not getting any results.

He's invested time and money and is not seeing any return, so he's understandably ticked off and frustrated. I do understand it, so I'm going to leave it alone. As soon as I get paid, I'm going to give him some money.
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post #11 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-06-2014, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Me. I'm super frustrated with MC. It just absolutely pisses me off when he goes off the rails and then just disappears. He gets pissed off, then does not respond to emails or calls. This really frustrates the hell out of me.

RR. Do you want his lack of response to bother you as much as it is?

Me. Of course not

RR. Would you prefer to feel happier and more optimistic about life?

Me. Of course

RR. So what's getting in the way?

Me. I feel guiltily that he and his wife have put in effort and are not making any money. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm at a 10.

RR. You sent him a comp plan for his wife that he in principle has agreed to right?

Me. Yes.

RR. So, there is now no reason to feel guilty about about that situation. He has accepted that deal as fair and you, in fact, made it better. So, it's a fair comp plan. Do you feel it is a fair comp plan?

Me. Yes, particularly if we find a way to automate it.

RR. Regarding his comp, you talked about how he now has the opportunity to make more money because he'll be involved with delivering projects. He (and you) got very excited about that, right?

Me. Yes. We talked it through and saw that this arrangement could in fact be very lucrative for him.

RR. Ok. So again from a comp perspective, do you feel this is a fair plan where MC could make a very good living?

Me. Yes. I calculated the comp plan and it seems like a fair and reasonable plan, where based on performance, he can make a good living.

RR. So, it seems that what triggered all this was his meeting with prospect V, right?

Me. Right. It apparently didn't go as well as he would have liked.

RR. So, if it had gone well, then everything would be ok, right?

Me. Yes.

RR. Listen, D, what happened during and as a result of that meeting is completely out of your control. Your heart is in the right place because you care about him. The comp is fair. There is little else you can do other than what you already offered to do. Caring about his well being is one thing. Getting frustrated and ruining your weekend because of this is quite another.

Me. Fair enough. The bigger issue is the viability of the business.

RR. Ok. Let's examine that. What are your near term opps?

Me. Let me list them
- F___
- G___
- K___

RR. The combination of these projects will bring in about __ over the next 3 months, right?

Me. Yes.

RR. Here's the key question. Will this be enough to cover all your expenses and have money left over?

Me. Yes.

RR. Ok, so stop worrying for the rest of the weekend. Please.

Me. Ok. This was very helpful.

RR. There is a market for your product. People are paying money for competitive solutions. There are other companies that are generating ___ in your space. You now have paying and referenceable customers. The reaction to the product has been overwhelmingly positive. You have viable prospects. You have a new partner that is joining that can bring a lot of value. You're involved with this K project that can bring in a decent income enough to cover your mortgage the next 6 months. So, quit whining and worrying and get after it. Go harder than ever.
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post #12 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 09:37 AM Thread Starter
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The goal of this post is to feel better, energized, and optimistic after I complete it.

I went to bed around 11pm last night and woke up around 4:45. So a little under 6 hours of sleep. This has been the case for the last few weeks - actually, for what seems like forever.

Part of this is poor sleep hygiene practices on my part. Part of it is stress.

In terms of sleep hygiene, I'm getting to bed way too late. I've been getting to bed around 1am and even 2am during the week. Usually, stay up and watch Seinfeld and/or Charlie Rose. It's as if though I'm afraid to go to bed until I've started nodding off even if I'm already very sleepy. I'm afraid to be alone with my thoughts, so watching tv preoccupies me until I'm ready to fall asleep.

The problem is that because I go to bed late, I'll wake up later than I would like. But worse, I'm tired because I didn't get much sleep the night before. So I'm already feeling wiped out and the day hasn't even started. I'm also afraid to wake up too early because I don't like how my mornings start and again don't want to be alone with my stressful thoughts. The fact that it's dark and cold doesn't help matters.

Ideally, I would like to wake up fully energized and get in the gym early, but haven't felt this way in a long while. Although, I do feel like this on occasion.

ADVICE FOR IMPROVING SLEEP

So there are a number of things I can do from a sleep hygiene perspective. Will look at the stress issue a bit later.

First, I can do my 'things go here' ritual before 8pm every night. This will include cleaning the kitchen, washing dishes, prepping the bed, prepping my gym bag, cleaning the back room, washing my face/teeth, and writing out my game plan for the next day. The goal of this ritual will be to be 'good to go', so that everything is clean and organized when I wake up in the morning and I'll literally be good to go.

In terms of sleep hygiene practices, it might be helpful for me to take a hot shower and take my sleep supplements by 10pm.

It would also be helpful if I stopped my tv viewing by 10pm. Instead, I could listen to rain sounds, do some journal writing, read a helpful book, and do some tapping with positive affirmations. I could also have some chamomile tea.

These are all doable tasks. I've not done them to date because I'm too tired and it's easier to just lay on the couch. I need to come up with a key phrase that will prompt me to get up and do the practices I suggested. Something like "I love myself and owe it to myself to take care of myself". Saying an Our Father can also help. Another idea is to set alarms for 730 to start the 'this goes here' ritual and another for 10pm to start my pre-sleep routine.

These are all doable and since I want to feel better and believe that like any other human being I deserve to be well and rested in order to be set the foundation for love, kindness, joy, enthusiasm, and optimism to be part of my life, I will take the initiative to do these things.
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post #13 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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HIGHLIGHT THE GREAT THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING
1. The reaction to the prod continues to be outstanding - K gave you yet another example
2. FS - this is a very exciting opportunity
3. The income from the FS opportunity - awesome
4. No longer have to interact with MC on a day to day - such a relief
5. The K opportunity - lots of potential for upside here
6. The income from the KPE opps
7. Exciting to work with MG on the G and C opps
8. The K opportunity for PM to be standardized across team
9. Not having to depend on MC to get stuff done
10. Not having to depend on M to get stuff done
11. Solving the l___ g__ problem
12. Not having to pay MC for awhile
13. The progress with the prod
14. The IC opportunity
15. The SF opportunity
16. Solving the p__ d___ problem
17. A strong pipeline
18. Potential additional opportunities through MG
19. Working with EC
20. Potential additional opportunities through EC
21. The opportunity for the m__ app
22. The fact prospects are liking PM more than the competition
23. The progress I have made and confidence I have gained as a c__
24. The opportunities that K and MC are already working on
25. The opportunity to increase targeted prospecting
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post #14 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Talking

TIME TO GET HAPPY

RR. OK, you have suffered long enough. It's now time to take a deep breath and live the saying "today is the first day of the rest of your life".

If you look at it from that perspective, there are a lot of great things that are happening and the company is in the best shape it's ever been. You have customers. You have a great product that is only getting better. You have a team that is committed. You have great partners. You have active projects. You will soon have very good income coming in and the prospects of a continued flow of opportunities.

So, from a business and financial perspective, you are in the most promising situation you have been in in years! If you compare the business today to where it was a few years ago, it's night and day.

It's now time to pour it on and you don't have to depend on MC to make this happen. So, let's pour it on! Let's get after it like never before! Go hard! Get fired up! It's go time!

Same goes for your physical self. Time to get recommitted to getting in excellent shape.

Feel better?

Me. Absolutely! This was a huge help! Thank you!
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post #15 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 06:39 PM Thread Starter
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Well. I got good news today. That $&@?-$&@ing *****er doesn't want to work with me any more. This is the best possible news. It's a huge burden off my shoulders.

I'll finally be able to get stuff I've been wanting to get done without having to worry about having to go through him. I'll also no longer need to worry about having to ask him for information because I can now get it directly from K.

This is really a huge relief. Such a relief that I don't need to speak with him every day.

He thinks he's the worlds greatest ____. If he's so great, why hasn't he ___? **** him!

I'm sick and $&@!ing tired of his ****ty attitude and anger issues. Don't need that bull****!

Good $&@!ing riddens.
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post #16 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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ACCOUNTABILITY

I need a dose of initiative right now. I normally at this time just lay on the couch and watch TV. I watch until maybe one in the morning, while I read my iPad. Usually, I leave stuff lying around that I have to pick up the next day. Same thing with the kitchen.

Tonight I want to take more initiative and go to bed earlier. I want to clean up my room and the kitchen so that when I wake up the house is nice and clean and everything is organized. That's a nice feeling. I can probably get a lot of this done in 12 minutes. Be right back.
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post #17 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 10:23 PM Thread Starter
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ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER

OK. I'm back. Took a little longer than 12 minutes, but I got a ton of stuff done. I cleaned the kitchen counters, put the dishes away, cleaned the kitchen floor, filled up my water bottle, took out the bathroom garbage, organized my gym bag, prepped my bed for sleep, cleaned the bedroom, cleaned the tv room, put away folded clothes, washed my face and teeth. Man, I got of ton of stuff done.

There are other habits I want to start, primarily focused on wellness. I want to start doing deep breathing exercises, especially at night. I want to start drinking more water. I want to get back in the gym and get really focused on getting my weight down. No excuses.

I also want to start doing 'happiness exercises' on a daily basis to give myself the best shot at success. Things like listening to singing along to happy tunes. Working out to disco music. Being silly/playful. Starting to do push-ups. Reading books and articles about optimism and resilience. Posting accomplishments in SAS.

It's been awhile since I've been feeling not crappy let alone happy and feeling optimistic at least about my near term future, which is all I can ask for. So, thank God for SAS. Super helpful to have a place to vent and think things through and put them in a more positive light.

Now I'm going to do my breathing exercises and then I'm going to read a few pages of the book on willpower, do some tapping and positive affirmations, and get to bed at a reasonable hour.
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post #18 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 07:40 AM Thread Starter
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SLEEP JOURNAL

Went to bed a little earlier than usual around 1130. I did deep breathing exercises before going to bed and then a relaxation exercise in bed, which helped me fall asleep relatively faster than usual. I first woke up about 530, so about 6 hours sleep but then did another relaxation exercise and fell back asleep, woke up again, did another relaxation exercise, didn't fall back asleep, but I at least relaxed, so I'm not quite as tired as I usually am when I wake up.
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post #19 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 07:47 AM Thread Starter
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TODAYS GOALS

I want to shave, get in a workout, drink more water, do deep breathing exercises, be a kind and positive person in all my interactions - pretend I'm in church, have fun, get in an energetic, enthusiastic, and optimistic frame of mind. Be very loving to my wife.

On the work front, my goal today is to move the business forward, especially in terms of lead gen. I also want to start making progress on the projects. I want to do phenomenal work so that the client will continue to hire us.
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post #20 of 259 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Had a good meeting with G. He's such a great guy. Such a blessing. Same with H. Thank you God! So grateful for the involvement. Got some good stuff done this morning. Forced myself to immediately provide G with the info he needed. Previously, I might have put this off. But, this time I set the timer and got after it.

Haven't shaved in a few days. Had an early morning phone call, so almost put this off again, but got the shave in before the call and it feels good to be clean shaven.

Still some lingering feelings of anger toward MC, but it absolutely positively is for the best for both of us and I definitely care about his well being, so this is a good move for both of us. The key is to generate a high level of ___.

I'll do a quick 'this goes here' when I get home and then have my meeting with K. Goal is to be upbeat and get her focused. Will check in later.
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