Done with company activities - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 10:55 AM Thread Starter
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Done with company activities


I'm just done. It's been almost 3 years now with this job, it's all going so well and even my SA has decreased a lot and I've learned to deal with people and especially co workers etc. but we do these get together activities outside of work twice a year and I've been to every one because I want to be a part of the team and not be an outsider. The job means a lot to me. It's just too bad that being good at your job isn't enough.

But I always go back to the role of not knowing what to say and being the quiet one out of place. I just genuinely don't care about these people and their interests. Not even a little bit. It's all fake, most of them have expressions on their faces like they don't want to be there either. But nobody wants to be the one who refuses to fit in. I'll have to be the one unfortunately.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
I'm just done. It's been almost 3 years now with this job, it's all going so well and even my SA has decreased a lot and I've learned to deal with people and especially co workers etc.
I'd say there is no shame in choosing not to go. You're already 3 years in and your coworkers are no longer strangers. Personally I wouldn't go either unless one of the coworkers was a friend with similar interests who could help bridge a gap with someone else you've been wanting to get to know better.

The get togethers at my workplaces were during work hours where we had a "party" with cake/food to celebrate birthdays. There was one time when a more outspoken coworker suggested through skype that we all meet somewhere after work to have fun, but no one responded. Even for an IM chat that moment was so awkward!

But look on the bright side - in Japan employees are expected to go out drinking every night with their coworkers and superiors! I can't even begin to imagine what the torture is like for someone like me who doesn't drink. They should respect each other's livers! Why can't they do something else? (but I guess the point for them is to loosen up and "de-stress?")

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 02:20 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
I'd say there is no shame in choosing not to go. You're already 3 years in and your coworkers are no longer strangers. Personally I wouldn't go either unless one of the coworkers was a friend with similar interests who could help bridge a gap with someone else you've been wanting to get to know better.

The get togethers at my workplaces were during work hours where we had a "party" with cake/food to celebrate birthdays. There was one time when a more outspoken coworker suggested through skype that we all meet somewhere after work to have fun, but no one responded. Even for an IM chat that moment was so awkward!

But look on the bright side - in Japan employees are expected to go out drinking every night with their coworkers and superiors! I can't even begin to imagine what the torture is like for someone like me who doesn't drink. They should respect each other's livers! Why can't they do something else? (but I guess the point for them is to loosen up and "de-stress?")
The drinking is highly annoying too. I've learned to refuse since I don't like the stuff but it gets worse staying sober while those idiots are becoming more annoying by the hour.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-23-2020, 01:33 AM
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What you feel resonates with me so well! I've hated company social activities my whole professional life (and it's a long professional life!). I hated it when I was young and I still hate it when I'm much older. I hate these activities with well known colleagues, and I equally hate it with people I've spent two months with. I just don't see the point in spending a night with people I barely care about. Of course, there'd always be one or two colleagues who I'm on the same page with, but I'd rather catch up with them one on one and have a heart-to-heart conversation over a coffee instead of having a meaningless social chat.

And yes, the drinking! I don't drink and hate to see people's puzzled faces when they find out that I don't drink and I can see they want (and can't) ask is it because I'm pregnant, or perhaps on medication or else. It just doesn't occur to them that someone may not be drinking simply because it doesn't taste good and it doesn't do anything for me (in terms of numbing my feelings or giving me relaxation).

So, I've found a solution - somewhat - of rarely going to such company activities, but if I go (if I absolutely can't refuse because of company politics) I'd just go for an hour or so and will leave around the time when everyone is getting too drunk for me (sober) to stick around. In fact, a couple of months ago I read an article by a well know New Zealand journalist who doesn't drink and faces the same dilemma and she wrote that she does exactly the same - attending social drinks now and then and leaving early. That was good to know.

And, finally, most importantly, over the years I learnt to stop apologizing and explaining myself for not drinking and leaving early. As long as I'm not intentionally offending anyone why would I need to explain myself, right?
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-23-2020, 07:55 AM
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at my work we have company meetings every 3 months n we get awards n it's stupid I want money not dumb trophys
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 10:05 PM
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hmm, sounds pretty cringe honestly.


I would only do it if it was something more genuine and not forced.



also, if it involved nudity.
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