did you ever envy someone who is talkative and playable? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-24-2020, 06:23 AM Thread Starter
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did you ever envy someone who is talkative and playable?

Hi, everyone. I am 25. I used to suffer from SA. But, my SA recovered about 2 years ago. I can make eye contact and talk. Everything is "fine" to me. But from the perspective of others, people always comment on my tone and words. One of my colleagues said i sounded very boring and monotone. it sucks. This has caused me away from a lot of social chances cuz when i start to talk, no one will find it interesting. So i talk less and less. This is an envious cycle.

On the other, i saw some people around my age can talk a lot of things. They sound noisy and playable. their audiences always give positive response to them and laugh. They seem look more " popular and smart" . They are easier to understand and fun.

Do you think like me? And what can i do to make me more "lovable". I have tried to find common interest with others , but its very hard to find anything to break the ice.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-24-2020, 07:52 AM
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Not sure what you mean by playable but I don't think I've ever envied someone for being talkative off the top of my head, I mostly just wish it was OK to not be that way. I can be talkative about topics that interest me anyway.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-24-2020, 08:23 PM Thread Starter
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i mean they can relax or joke or play with others no matter in what situations. I always act seriously before someone who is authoritative.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 02:18 AM
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I actually do somewhat. As much as I find most of them annoying and socially exhausting in long exposure. Small exposures to them here and there, I actually find it a bit relieving. It takes the social load off of me. Especially good in a group interaction settings. Less awkward silences. Verses me having to interact 1 on 1 with another introvert. Those awkward silences with them are nightmarish and anxiety inducing. And then I will be convinced I have made them hate me for life. Although they probably think the same in their perspective. Still they will see me as someone to stay away from.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 09:07 AM
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Yeah, a bit. Normal people tend to gravitate to those interesting individuals who can provide quality conversation and speak with personality. I unfortunately have different interests than most and not much personality so I've received...complaints. I've tried to make adjustments to better handle social situations, but it didn't work as I had hoped and I still was labeled as a weirdo. Putting in the effort left me exhausted and demoralized so now I just come off as cold/aloof. I do wonder how my life would be different if I were more normal. Realistically though, I'm just hoping people will accept differences in each other and just leave me alone. I'm just trying to get through life over here. To respond to your other question, I do not know how to become more likeable to larger groups of people. Finding folks on the same wavelength as you who have similar interests and are also a bit understanding will help somewhat. I'm sure others on this forum can provide some sound advice. Good luck!
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 12:10 PM
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I don't know about mindlessly "talkative" but being a good conversationalist is obviously an extremely useful skill. You can make people feel good about themselves and have a good opinion of you at the same time. Plus it can dispel awkwardness and just make everything go more smoothly in general. So yeah I envy it.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 02:19 PM
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I envy everyone that is talkative and can just carry a conversation easily
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 03:05 PM
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I personally find the people who really talk a lot to be quite annoying. Because usually those people just have a lot to say about themselves...and most of the crap they say is made-up b.s. to just make them seem more interesting than they are. I figure the people who enjoy listening to that crap are dimwits anyways and I prefer not having dimwitted people in my life. I guess the only thing I wish I could change is speaking more clearly and not like tripping/stumbling over words. I have some sort of disconnect with putting my thoughts into words.

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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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Yes, it depends on what topics i am talking . I feel uncomfortable to make too much small talks, like how are you? , that guy is .... but the conversational guys can make the small talks naturally, which is what i envy.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 10:18 PM
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I don't really care that much. I mean, I guess social people have better/stronger networks, but in terms of the socialization itself I don't care. I'd rather vibe with fewer people and have deeper connections.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 02:58 AM Thread Starter
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Yes, I have weak network ability so new people always have hard time to understand me very quickly . But someone who appears sociable and loud and conversational at the start. People know them very quickly so i guess they seem more popular.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2020, 07:08 PM
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I'm definitely not a conversation expert, (in fact I'm happier not talking to anyone), but a few things have helped me at least survive conversations:

- You have to be interested in knowing more about another person. If you lack interest, it could mean you're assuming so much about the other person that you feel no need to talk to them. Try to give them a chance to surprise you.

- Some people are naturally good at staring at each other and talking up a storm. You may not be one of those people. This is perfectly OK. You are not weird and there's nothing wrong with you. You'll just have come up with some "cheats" that will work for you. I personally have better conversations when I can do some fun activity with another person (e.g. play a board game, hike, etc). Some people work from a small list of memorized questions to get things going.

- Shutting up and listening is golden. Most people want to talk about themselves. You just have to ask good questions and let them go. When people feel you've listened to them, it'll make their day. Really. This is especially true when people are venting.

- Don't ever...ever..ever give advice or correct the other person unless the other person gives you explicit permission. I took a dance class one time and a woman sought me out to dance simply because I didn't correct her mistakes like some of the other guys. This is also a big one when people are venting.

- Notice how many questions they ask of you. If they ask you nothing, they are probably not interested in you, though this is not always the case. If you sense a lack of interest, move on ASAP to avoid a boring, long-winded, one-sided conversation.

- It takes two to make an awkward silence. If it happens, that means neither you nor the other person is able to come up with something to say.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2020, 08:52 PM
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Not really - I'm mostly like that too. The only time I'm not is if I don't feel well.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 06:33 PM
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I do at time, like I get moments where I wish I could hold a conversation better. I only real talk when the topic is interesting, but I cannot really make small talk.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 06:44 PM
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Only every day of my weird inadequate pretend life

I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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