why i cant show my true self in front of family members but i do in front of friends? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 06:29 PM Thread Starter
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why i cant show my true self in front of family members but i do in front of friends?

I can talk whatever i want to my friends i believe. I can talk crazily about any topics, like porn, freaks , sexual preference and weird matters. But when it comes to family members, I deliberately shut down myself. I will only want to talk about serious issues, like how they can help me. Are you the same?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 02:56 PM
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Common to be more loose with your peers than with family. Especially with family members you do not find relatable to nor close to. Yet you are around them a lot so you care more about how they perceive you. So you are more cautious about being yourself or not to them.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 04:19 PM
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That sounds pretty normal to me, actually.

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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 02:44 AM
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The stakes are much higher with family, because you're stuck with them forever. Also the power dynamics are different. Both of those factors mean that caution is more warranted.

And they probably don't want to hear about your porn.

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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 06:01 AM
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family members can try to tear you down ive learned. You can be feeling at your most vulnerable and horrid conditions and then they try to kick you while youre on the ground. It was a lot of family crap and still is when dealing with family members friends on the other hand can be more easier to talk to. Almost like a brother or sister in this a female friend. It sucks really bad let alone with mental health conditions that run in your family. You have enough stuff to deal with and then adding fuel to the fire will just backfire things suchas jealousy mostly or fear which is manifests itself stemming from fear.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and than success is sure," Mark Twain

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 06:07 AM
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Your family may not feel safe or accepting enough of your true self for you to feel "free."

Edit- It's normal not to talk about sex, etc. with your family. More an issue if you feel so restrained you can't be yourself in general.

Miles to go before I sleep. Vale.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 06:23 AM
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I am. Although I've been trying to be a little more relaxed around my family, which resulted in some awkward situations. All of them are quite prudish and prefer to pretend that we come into this world through immaculate conception. But I'm working on it

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 09:23 AM
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You naturally adapt to the situation. For instance, you might discuss a personal relationship with your friend, but it might not be appropriate in a meeting with your manager. So it's quite normal to discuss certain things with certain people, and perhaps even show different sides to different people. So in this case, it may be that you feel more comfortable discussing anything with friends, but with family it's more expected to be more reserved about certain topics. It's not a good or bad thing - in any situation, you have to be mindful that some people aren't comfortable discussing certain topics x

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