Realizing there's something wrong with your family - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Realizing there's something wrong with your family


When did you guys first realize the problems with your family members? If you happen to be a codependent, how did you get away for good? If you happen to want to take care of them, how did you create a safe distance?

Having SA feels like being a scratched up LP that keeps getting stuck at exactly 10 seconds into Track 02.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 03:10 AM
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Dude....I could go on and on. But one of the more destructive things my family does is...they want me to be independent...but still expect me to make all my decisions exactly as they would.

They say they want to see me independent and successful yet they guilt trip me whenever I make a decision that does not involve them.

They say that as a man I am supposed to support myself financially and be able to care for my wife...yet whenever I run into financial difficulty and ask for their advice on budjetting their first suggestion is always to move back into my parent's house and visit my fiancee less often to save money.

It's like they just don't get it....moving back in with my parents may save money in the short term but it's not going to bring me CLOSER to marriage. If anything it would be a huge step BACK.

funny thing I was about to post on this same topic....
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 07:55 AM
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I didn't realize the extent of how fcked up they were, and how they treated me (and each other), until I cut them off cold turkey. Didn't see or speak to them for a year, even on Christmas, and was exposed to a lot more normal people with normal relationships. Away from their toxicity and cruelty, I realized I'm a pretty decent person as well - and not like my awful parents.

I just left when I was 21. I was financially capable of leaving at 18 due to having a well-paying job in my teens, but was mentally crippled by my mother doing her best to make me believe I was dependent on her (she's the type who would break my kneecaps to keep me with her).

I don't care about them. I pity them, perhaps. They can find ways to care for themselves. I carried their burdens for the first 21 years of my life and they never made me feel like I mattered, that my feelings and pain mattered, and had let me down in almost every possible way. They don't get to do that a second longer to me for the rest of my life.
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