question about parents - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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question about parents

I'm in my late 20s and I have a issues. I never dated or lived away from home.

When in Toronto with my mom if I start to get upset (ie we walked a long way which is quite often in Toronto these days) and she starts to tell me if I don't shape up we will return home RIGHT now and except for my specialist appointment never go into Toronto again (and she knows how stir crazy I get here in this town I lived in for 29 years). I can't go into Toronto on my own without a "bodyguard" I can't even go into the exam room at a doctor's office on my own without one of the parents being there. It took me 3 years to get Dad to shut up in the exam room.

There was this one time about 2016 (back in those days when Mom and I went up to Stratford,Ontario for the plays we would have supper at Tim Horton's) well since we were saving money no one had told me until we were figuring out what to order that I learned I couldn't have Pop (it was Friday which is normally my "pop night" at home) and I was crying and Dad told me to shape up or I would get arrested- I didn't think I was that loud and I had a perfect reason to be upset right..since I have AS I need to be informed before of any new thing. I don't remember if I stuck with water I had brought from home and had pop at home. I mean why do they tell me not to hit them and yet they just teach me that I can hit when they hit me?

The parents brought the "arresting" thing up when we came back from Germany last month... we thought the Person Express was going to be wait and I heard Dad grumbling and I really hated that so I told Mom to stop his grumbling and supposedly I caused a scene but in my opinion it was THEM causing a scene (all I remember is somewhere in there I told Dad he can't tell me to grow up when HE didn't behave like a grown up earlier on the trip -I mean seriously 60+ year old storming off?) and they said if I don't shape up the staff at the station could have me arrested.

Does this sound abusive to your guys?
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 01:10 PM
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I cant really judge because idk the whole context. you're bound to have difficulties with them because they're not experts yet need to care for you. there would be a lot if emotional stuff that's it's hard for them to take a step back from and create a more healthy way of dealing with things.

but yeah I dont really know enough to make a sensible reply.

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 01:10 PM
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Sounds like you're spoiled, they took you to Germany & have a pop night, you go & see a play & dine at Tim Hortons, they give you a bodyguard so nobody takes advantage, maybe a bit overprotective but maybe they know best.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
Sounds like you're spoiled, they took you to Germany & have a pop night, you go & see a play & dine at Tim Hortons, they give you a bodyguard so nobody takes advantage, maybe a bit overprotective but maybe they know best.
1)the bodyguard is a joke-its not a real bodyguard its either Mom or Dad who is my bodyguard (Dad jokes that I'm Mom's bodyguard when we go into the city-hench my joke) . For instance around the age of 17 one of my best friends could go into Toronto with other FRIENDS but no ADULTS around. I can't even see either of my two girlfriends who live in Toronto unless its something like this:

Have Mom take me into Toronto, meet up with (one or the other of my girlfriends) when Mom goes and do something else, meet up with Mom again, and I assume come home. So you see what I mean by 'bodyguard'?

2)about the pop night. When I was a child I had 2 snacks and 2 non-chocolate milk drinks a day (except for Wednesdays when it was Guiding) until I was 11. After school it would a cup of ice tea and either peanuts or microwave popcorn. Then at night it would be a small mug of Pop (gingerale) and chocolate. When I was 13 I choose to stop having the pop and chocolate snacks everyday except for Fridays. Hence my "pop (and snack) night". As of college I been using Crystal light drink mixes to change the water I been drinking from retired Gatorade bottles since Gr.4. I can manage drinking plain water when I'm away from home but in the scenario described above I said I have a form of autism and people w/ that get really upset when routines change. and the fact I wasn't told until we were looking to order food at Tim Horton's that I couldn't have pop to go with my supper despite the fact it was the night for my weekly dose of pop. Since on non-Fridays I would order ice tea (and I couldn't get *that* either) at restaurants including Tim Hortons but on Fridays at Tim's in Stratford-I would order Pepsi. My problem is I WAS NOT INFORMED UNTIL TOO LATE about not getting either Pepsi OR Ice Tea so I kind of had a right to be upset because it's was part of my yearly routine to order Pepsi at Tim Horton's on Fridays in Stratford. Like if I had known prior to going up for the one of two day trips we had up there I could have either 1)put a drink mix INTO my water or 2)take drink mix WITH me.

3)Yes Germany was nice. But after leaving our last hotel an hour earlier then planned because of mom's suitcase wheel beening broken. Then having to stand in line because another family couldn't be bothered to get the luggage tags/boarding passes from a kisos (vs. we did) so the clerk had to do it, then having to wait in a VERY long line (with Mom and I taking one turn and Dad taking another turn) to get through security I mean its like the ENTIRE airport was going through the one security area, and then an 8 hour plane ride back to Toronto and by the time we got to the area for Pearson Express train.. we were a bit tired. But I had noticed downstairs briefly that there was some delays for the Pearson Express train. So that's what Dad got grumbling after Mom asked how long to a staff person and they said half an hour. I had to have his grumbling about everything on the trip (except for one night all 3 of us were in one room together): rotation of the seats on the coach, the fact for a couple of hotels we had to take our own suitcases up to our rooms. The biggest child-like behaviour he did was stormed off when we went to a museum just because he didn't want to put his laptop bag into a locker. So Mom left me holding the tickets and went after him. I was the one who had to act like a bloody adult when they still weren't back by the time I got to the front of the line and I moved off to the side and waited for them. So you see why I didn't want to hear his grumbling or I said that thing about "Don't tell me to grow up when you stormed off like a teenager back at that museum"
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