Losing father at very young age.
WARNING: LONG RANT....
My father battled a form of skin cancer called melanoma (but lost the battle). He passed away in 2006 at the very young age of 35. I was a month away from turning 8 years old on that day. Now I am in my early 20s. In the past year or so, I have thought about how odd it is to die from cancer at age 35. I have also thought about how lucky others are to have both of their parents alive and how there are so many people who are 60-70 years that still have both of their parents. I can literally think of several dozens of baby boomers off the top of my head that still have both parents, which is something that makes me super jealous and gives me the idea that life is a cruel sick joke. I have missed out on a lot of things in life because of it. Right now, I am a loser with no future, no career, no vision, no hope, and no inspiration. I feel like my life would be so much easier, and I would not be in this miserable condition if he were still here. Father's Day is my least favorite holiday because I hear all these people talking about how great their dads are and etc. One guy I know said that his father made him the man he is today, and I wish I was that kind of man, too.
So my mom is 43, and you'd probably say she has a few decades of living ahead of her. Her health isn't actually in very good condition although she strongly insists that she is healthier than many people her age. She has been having really bad headaches almost everyday for years and years. I asked if it could be an aneurysm that is close to rupturing. She also has a really bad habit of injuring herself because thatís what happens when you rush through tasks. And she gets severely ill whenever she catches a cold, influenza, or whatever illness. When I say ďseverelyĒ, I really mean severely. I am worried she will die soon, and I will become an orphan with nobody to live with since I donít live anywhere near my other relatives, and even if I did, I seriously doubt they could afford to take care of me until I find a job. Yeah, sorry if I sound so selfish. I have no idea what to do for jobs or even what to go to school for. I have applied to about 50 minimum-wage jobs in the past 3 years or so. Got rejected from every single one. It seems like I need years and years and years of education to get a decent job nowadays, and like I said before, I have not a clue what to go to school for. It also costs $1,500 a month for a 1-bed apartment, so itís not like I would be able to find a place to live even if I had a job.
My maternal grandmother died from breast cancer at age 56, and my paternal grandfather died from lung disease from smoking at age 45. I really donít see myself or my mother living anywhere past 60. Although I donít smoke, I wonder if him smoking and my father getting sunburned while painting houses for 10 years caused me to inherited some mutated genes that will affect me too.
So I may be irrational, but it is truly worrying me.