Living with a parent who's retired - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-17-2019, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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Living with a parent who's retired


Ever since my mom retired (partially, she works twice a week during the day) I feel like I have no personal space. When she worked nights I had the place to myself to basically shut down after the day and just sit quietly at the tv and just relax. Same goes for the morning, I wouldn't see her in the morning so I had time to get up and "wake up" now I see her morning, day and night. I love my mom but she can be difficult to be around sometimes, or maybe its just me, I don't know. If anyone lives with a parent(or a spouse) who's retired and is home more how do you handle it if it bothers you?. We had our different schedules which I found to be fitting for me, although I'm happy she's no longer in her stressful position, I just wish I had the peace and quiet. Everyone talks about the adjustment that the person who's retired has to make but no one talks about the people living with them that has to change their life as well.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-17-2019, 08:29 PM
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My mom is retiring next month and i'm gonna be forced into the same situation as you probably. I don't know anything about your mother but mine is a very judgmental and argumentative christian on some high horse that isn't even justified. I'm just gonna have to do my best to move the hell out i guess.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 12:22 PM
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My dad's been retired since 2013. at 29 I'm still living with my parents. The more I stay in this house the more fights and arguments I get into with my parents espcially my dad. I mean can you know how annoying it is every day I'm home (Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and every alterative Fridays) have him ask 1)if I have plans for lunch and 2)offers X for lunch. and I know if I let him one time cook once for me he will bug me for the other days I'm home. I think that's one of the reasons I go and eat at PTC occasionally
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Disneywoman View Post
My dad's been retired since 2013. at 29 I'm still living with my parents. The more I stay in this house the more fights and arguments I get into with my parents espcially my dad. I mean can you know how annoying it is every day I'm home (Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and every alterative Fridays) have him ask 1)if I have plans for lunch and 2)offers X for lunch. and I know if I let him one time cook once for me he will bug me for the other days I'm home. I think that's one of the reasons I go and eat at PTC occasionally
I can understand. Its sometimes the smallest things that can be bothersome. My dad talks about the same thing on the phone when I talk to him every week. He will talk about himself for like 20 minutes before asking how I'm doing.



I've been finding that since my mom retired I've been more short with my irritation with her, which makes me feel bad because some of the time its uncalled for, but all she does is complain about stuff, and she's always telling me what is going on with the neighbors, I could care less about what other humans do, its like my god I don't give a **** what the people in the next apartment do. Its why I've been trying to find other stuff to do outside of home. In some ways I think my source of negativity comes from own family, I'm trying to stay away from anything negative, but when your always around it, it wears you down.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 06:28 PM
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I can understand. Its sometimes the smallest things that can be bothersome. My dad talks about the same thing on the phone when I talk to him every week. He will talk about himself for like 20 minutes before asking how I'm doing.



I've been finding that since my mom retired I've been more short with my irritation with her, which makes me feel bad because some of the time its uncalled for, but all she does is complain about stuff, and she's always telling me what is going on with the neighbors, I could care less about what other humans do, its like my god I don't give a **** what the people in the next apartment do. Its why I've been trying to find other stuff to do outside of home. In some ways I think my source of negativity comes from own family, I'm trying to stay away from anything negative, but when your always around it, it wears you down.

Yeah I never dated and i lived in the same house for 29 years and I am sick of living here espcially when I have to deal with someone who has my same temperament.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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I'm 34, never had a relationship, I thinks its more because I feel I'm not generally interested in having a relationship. But I do feel like sometimes if I had more of a social life outside of home I would be better. I do have a couple of good friends but they can only do things a few times a month. I recently started volunteering once a week. Socializing its not easy for me, but it does get me out the apartment(and helps me work through my depression/anxiety).
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 07:10 PM
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 07:21 PM
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I lived with my mom until I was 27. There were definite pros and cons. Pros being I usually liked spending time with her and watching stuff with her and we'd buy each other food and so on. Cons? Never ever any privacy when she was around, which really ****ing sucked if I ever wanted to masturbate or whenever my depression got the best of me I couldn't release in front of her. Or if I just wanted to be alone. And if I had to study for school and she was blaring the TV I had to find a place to study, which was near impossible since it was an apartment. It's been well over 2 years but there have definitely been times where I miss living with her. Mainly for her company.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 01:27 PM
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I'm dealing with the same sort of situation. My mom retired back in September and we are now together all the time. Which to start with I thought would be fine but it's not honestly... Due to still living at home but having both my parents work, I'm use to having long periods of time where I'm by myself. Which works really well for my personality type. I need time to regroup and settle down each day. But with my mom here I don't feel like I have any personal space to do that. Plus over the last few years my relationship with her hasn't been the best. So now when stresses get high or we have an argument, it's hard for both of us to get space to cool down. Which on occasion has lead to things just festering instead of getting over it... and that's not good.

Honestly I don't know how to deal with it, other than I'm trying to get a higher paying job so I can move out. I think the only thing that's going to help me at this point is getting some space away from my parents (and family in general). But I couldn't say for sure what could help you. If you have a good open relationship with her, maybe you could explain about needing alone time... but only if you think she'd understand :/

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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 02:00 PM
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grandparents should not have another child
when their 1st child or any more have children

this skews the life of the newcomer - i had two elder brothers 30 years senior. They had age 20 parents. they were 50 for me.

mum wants a 3rd, but not resources to raise that one.. burnt out.

schoolfriends: "that not your dad yuk! - your grandpa!" another called mum "your old dear" moving houses with parents was nice, but removed from original junior school lost me all my friends!

now all dead. just me and existing bro left. he as 4 daughters. his first daughter had age 20 parents. i scared of him from birth - so tall like Schwarzenegger. his newest daughter had age 50 parents!
with our parents dead,
bro
still controlling me. eldest do best, but kick about the junior. he accurately dad age to me. power of attorney
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