I might be too attached to my mom. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:40 PM Thread Starter
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I might be too attached to my mom.


I'm new here so I apologize for any mistakes or if this is in the wrong category.

I think I am too attached to my mom to the point where I experience separation anxiety. I'm 22, going to school, and I live at home. My mom and I have been through a lot together. Long story short, I found out my dad was cheating on her, and decided to tell her about it and then months of us trying to get away from him and horrible things happening ensued. Basically, we were all each other had and the only people who could understand what each of us was going through. So, we became very close. We do essentially everything together, I'm obviously not a social person so my mom is my best friend along with my sister. Anyways, the problem is that when I am in social settings or just stressed about something I have to do, I find I am constantly anxious and on edge when she is not around. Like I just started a school this semester at a new university (I am doing school online) and even though I should feel okay at home, I am overwhelmed with anxiety because my mom isn't here with me during the day. It's unrealistic to expect her to be with me I know, but it's just what I want. I feel like I can do anything with her by my side... but nothing when she isn't. I'm scared that this feeling is never going to go away and that my life is going to be severely limited because of this. How am I going to have a job when I graduate? How am I going to live on my own without her there to comfort me? It doesn't help that I feel incredibly dumb and childish for having these thoughts and emotions, and am actually extremely nervous about even typing this out for people to read. This just makes me feel very isolated and alone and like I can't do anything.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 01:49 PM
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I'm not sure how you'd deal with something like that - I guess slowly doing things more on your own? After a while hopefully you'll get a bit more confidence to do things without your Mum?

Welcome to SAS anyway.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 12:23 AM
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I'm assuming you're a woman.

You have an incredible relationship, which you may never be able to replace.

Typically parents are very mean and aggressive to their children for the purpose of getting rid of them. Your mom was the opposite with you.

This is why your dad cheated. You were closer to your mom than he was.

Technically you have both your mom's genes and your dad's so you can't hate either one. At some point in your life you will understand your dad and know exactly what happened between them.

Your mom is an awesome woman. But she did you a terrible disservice by loving you so much and not taking care of her husband enough. Now you must be without her and you're completely jumping off a cliff into cold water.

You're going to have to take the jump. It's going to be terrifying. Try not to get traumatised. Look for very polite respectful people who will not hurt you at this shocking sudden drop, which is already scary enough.

Perhaps spend a lot of time with old people who will not take advantage of you until you've found your bearings. It may be sooner than you think.

I bet you're a 100% perfect caregiver for a retirement center, or I bet you could steal a child's heart from it's parents in childcare. But people your own age are not going to impress you at all ever, unless they're just as unique as you are, you probably won't even be able to find them.

The real problem is that no relationship could ever possibly satisfy you. I'm sorry for that. You're really going to have to deal with really stupid insensitive jerks for the rest of your life.

Because you've been supported so intimately, you're probably going to automatically support people who will take advantage of how naturally supportive you are. You could try not to be like your mom. Youd have to callous yourself deliberately just to protect your feelings so you dont go insane. You could keep the love a secret. It would make you feel dirty and guilty unless you can find a way around it.

I know you're aware of this. I really dont gave any real advice for you. My parents were 100% jerks. I had no problem leaving them.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-23-2020, 06:50 AM
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I think that is very sweet. It's incredibly rare to have such a close relationship with a parent IMO. Most people only WISH they had someone in their lives worth being so attached to.

When you're done school, rip the bandaid off cold turkey and move somewhere far away to work and live without her. You can return after a couple years.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 01:38 PM
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I'm very close to my mother as well. Sometimes feeling safe & anchored feels like a tether. I don't know how to strike a balance.
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