"Good Terms" with your family even if they treat you bad? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 07:03 AM Thread Starter
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"Good Terms" with your family even if they treat you bad?


My nuclear family has caused me the most pain and trauma and still continue to do so (to a lesser extent, but still) and it will likely be that way until i'm the last one alive in my family. and yet i am still interacting with them and being friendly and supportive.

Basically, the ones who hurt me the most are the ones who need me the most. They can be regretful and aren't bad all the time, but, have done many bad things to me.

how about you? when do you make the distinction that the dynamic is too toxic and you need an out?

is this a semi-normal family dynamic?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 08:16 AM
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I've just cut my "father" and "half brother" out of my life a few days ago. Felt good.

How do they cause you pain?
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 05:29 AM
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I was at a family cookout yesterday. I wasn’t on good terms with a few family members, but it feels like we made up now. I guess we’re family first. One aunt, I accidentally called scary skeleton **** because she kept calling me fat and crazy lol, but we’re good now. One cousin, he’s actually batsht crazy and a diagnosed schizophrenic. He kept talking about how my sweet little grandma raped him by trying to suck him off while he was sleeping (which is something she’d never do, I had to laugh my asz off when he said that because even imagining that is so outrageous. He swore that she raped him and I couldn’t stop laughing), then he kept trying to kiss me on the mouth and hugging me, but I always punch him and push him really hard when he does that. He indeed remembers and brought up that one time I pulled a knife on him (because I did) since he’s such a creep. I told him it’s because he’s being weird and this is not freaking AlabamaI think he really was molested by his dad, but he’s so out of his mind that he accuses other random people of random people instead of the real culprit. He certainly displays all these symptoms of a sexually abused person. He of course is still the schizo lunatic he always was.

But anyway yeah. I enjoyed talking to my other sane cousin. He has his own car and takes beautiful care of it. Puts my cleanliness to shame too. We talked about shows, life, we even played some old school runescape on mobile together like the good ol days. But of course, my other schizo cousin (his brother) hijacked my device while I went to go get some water and he did nothing but follow and sext other players on my account, which of course made me laugh to tears again.

Ah, my crazy azz family. My brother isn’t nearly as out of control since he’s been on meds. So it was a pretty good day.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by versikk View Post
My nuclear family has caused me the most pain and trauma and still continue to do so (to a lesser extent, but still) and it will likely be that way until i'm the last one alive in my family. and yet i am still interacting with them and being friendly and supportive.

Basically, the ones who hurt me the most are the ones who need me the most. They can be regretful and aren't bad all the time, but, have done many bad things to me.

how about you? when do you make the distinction that the dynamic is too toxic and you need an out?

is this a semi-normal family dynamic?
I'm not sure I'd use the word normal but it's probably fairly common - depending on the severity though of course.

I cut my elder sister out about 6 or 7 years ago. We were never close and she was quite a bit older than me. I hardly really knew her - she left home early and was really wild.

I made the distinction one day when she was being very nasty to me on the phone. I won't say what I said to her but she's never called me again. I wouldn't say I feel completely good with it - I think about her sometimes, but I know she's probably okay. Last time I heard she was with an old man waiting for him to die so she could get his money. My sister's not the sort of person you want to piss off.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 05:59 AM
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If I never see my father again it'll be too soon, but since he's still involved in my brother's life there will likely be a time when I have to see him and be nice, which I still haven't decided how to approach.
I'm not meaning to be rude - but are you really only 15?
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
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I've just cut my "father" and "half brother" out of my life a few days ago. Felt good.

How do they cause you pain?
So yeah I have 2 cluster B people in my family and it's been fuxking terrible a lot of the time

I feel like details would be too doxxing
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 10:44 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not sure I'd use the word normal but it's probably fairly common - depending on the severity though of course.

I cut my elder sister out about 6 or 7 years ago. We were never close and she was quite a bit older than me. I hardly really knew her - she left home early and was really wild.

I made the distinction one day when she was being very nasty to me on the phone. I won't say what I said to her but she's never called me again. I wouldn't say I feel completely good with it - I think about her sometimes, but I know she's probably okay. Last time I heard she was with an old man waiting for him to die so she could get his money. My sister's not the sort of person you want to piss off.
Yeah I have a feeling it's more common than most people (including myself) wants to believe.

I'm just trying to breathe and stuff right now. Don't know what will happen with my life in the nearest month but it's safe to say that Hell is real, and it's here on Earth.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-02-2019, 12:42 AM
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my remaining family is my dad and brother. my dad is a bit hopeless/helpless/passive. my brother is a vampire.

I'm kind of estranged? I mean I wouldn't mind not seeing my bro again, but i guess I'll see my dad sometime. saw both of them when my big bro died earlier this year and bro wasnt very pleasant to be around at that time.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-02-2019, 01:41 AM
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My dad says the most awful things. He's so full of venom and vitriol. OMG. He just goes on and on about the people he dislikes which is most everyone- family members, his neighbors, workers at Ann's nursing home, Ann's daughters, blacks, hispanics, gays, millennials.....it just goes on and on. It wouldn't be so bad if he just kept it to himself but no....no....he blathers on and on about why all the people are horrible and how they suck.

Just loves to gossip about everyone and is the king of schadenfreude. Especially likes to go on about family members and friends of my dead mom. He hasn't talked to or seen these people in over 20 years but he just goes on and on about them. Lately he rants about my aunt (my dead mom's sister) who he hasn't seen in 25 years. Keeps comparing her to my sister since neither of them work (well my sister does work under the table). Says the aunt looked down on him for the type of work he did even though she never worked and leached off guys until she was 45. He seems annoyed that my sister is in contact with her and doesn't hate her. I told him I don't want to hear it anymore. Since I think my sister and the aunt are very different people and it's just ridiculous to rant and rave about someone you haven't seen or heard from in 25 years!!

He holds huge grudges against me and my sister. Many of these grudges are for things I did when I was a child/teenager. Like hello!?? I was a child/surly teenager! I didn't kill or beat up anyone. I was unhelpful and refused to go to school but I didn't go out drinking/drugging or getting pregnant. I stayed in my room depressed. He tells me to not get into past history but he will bring up stuff here and there and if I shoot back at him.....he gets furious, starts ranting without listening, and then hangs up the phone on me. He can give it but can't take it. We've had arguments on the phone a couple weeks ago. He got really nasty. Started saying stuff about why I have no friends. When I pointed out that he has no friends either, he said that Ann was enough and that he did socialize when on outings with Ann. But none of these people were friends just people he ran into occasionally.

Sometimes I think to myself- why am I talking to this despicable person? I mean he's not all bad but jesus christ.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-02-2019, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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i just want to say - i don't hate my family.

in general tho, i find it hard to deal with people, especially ones who have emotional/anger issues.
i've been in a lot of fights with family members, both verbal and physical, and held grudges for weeks or even years sometimes. the incidents have been fewer as the years go by, however. people can actually learn from their mistakes (this includes myself).


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Originally Posted by komorikun View Post

Sometimes I think to myself- why am I talking to this despicable person? I mean he's not all bad but jesus christ.
it's probably some kind of bitterness towards someone?

my dad is often vitriolic against my mom and anything associated with her (her family, her place of origin...), and it's just because she's hard to deal with and can be a huge bxtch. and my dad's not good at talking thru problems, so he just sweeps them under the rug and uses bitterness and insults to "ventilate" his grievances instead.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-03-2019, 09:08 AM
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So yeah I have 2 cluster B people in my family and it's been fuxking terrible a lot of the time

I feel like details would be too doxxing
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Ahh. The cluster B people. They are real fun, aren't they? And they make you addicted to them. My mother is a narcissist, and my father shows some of those signs, too. My half brother and father have anger issues. Just like @andy1984 's father, mine was hopeless/helpless/passive. I sometimes felt sorry for him, but then he showed me what a selfish, manipulative, lying, chauvinist POS he is again, and again, and we fought. My half brother was kind of a vampire, as well. He sucks out money from our father. He's also spoiled, jealous, and likes to suck up to our father.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-03-2019, 10:06 AM
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Ugh, I hate that all of us have ****ty families lmao. It makes me mad like why tf have a family if you're gonna make it unhealthy and basically **** up your children ffs. :l

When I was younger, I made excuses to love my father but we kept on having major fights/life disagreements, then one day (I think I was 17/18 ) we had another big fight and I was over it, I just gave in, I knew I hated him deep down and stopped speaking to him, stopped making excuses for him. It's been years now and the damage is so deep it can never be repaired, I fking hate him so much, there's literally nothing he can do that can repair the relationship between us.

Ironic because usually when we'd fight before (when I was younger), my innocent child self would talk me back to apologizing and making up "he's your only father" etc but now I don't give a **** anymore because everything's bad that's happened to me and our family, him and mum are the cause.

With mum, I think I love her so I still talk to her, but her vices kill me and make me miserable. Dad's vices are so **** tho, his are part of the big reason I fking hate him and don't respect him because they ruined my life, not just mine, my brother's as well, our health too. But anyway, just both of their vices combined created this huge big ****ing mess that could only result in tragedy... that's where we're all headed basically...

But yeh TL;DR, I basically only talk to mum, fking fking hate dad and never talk to him and am uncomfortable in his presence and hate EVERYTHING he does. Sometimes I feel pity for him with how fking pathetic and horrible he is, but then I get so depressed because I actually came from him, and then want to kill myself. It's like holy fk, I was one of your spermys well fking **** this sucks. Life sucks. I already wanna die if I have to be related to.. you. wow fk.


lol ok Im done. fk me jkust talking about family gets my blood boiling. fking POS, "family" god what a concept.

I just want to be from a normal modest family with common sense. =_=

I don't wanna exist
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