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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 10:29 AM Thread Starter
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Maybe I already posted this but I wonder how other people deal with this. I think I need to get my words out there.
I'm the oldest child of three, I have 2 younger brothers. One is more or less the same age as me, the other has a bit more of an age gap from us 2. So obviously me and my middle child brother get compared a lot. It is very obvious to all 3 of us that he's the favorite which wouldn't be an issue at all if he was not able to get away with so much.
As kids he was more well-behaved and didn't cause trouble whereas I hated doing what I was told. I talked back and he didn't. I also had some other behavioral issues because of some sort of possibly schizotypal disorder? I know it's in line with magical thinking and I have OCD so I get back then why they'd like him better.
Now we are both early 20s and id venture to say that I'm still more childlike, I am also more responsible and more mature in some ways. I'm almost at a bachelor's degree and I've spent days on end working in my studio as architecture is very demanding. He, meanwhile is not in college anymore because he failed. He is a smart kid but he was not doing his work and he tells stories about all his time partying. I just do not understand how my parents can give me crap for being the less responsible one and not acting my age when I get my ****ing crap done when I need to and he does not. My dad purposely will bring this up. He also often goes off on me for making jokes, jokes that by my moms admission "did not warrant such a strong reaction". My little brother can curse around them and talk about his wild times at college. When I curse I get yelled at to watch my language and though my topics of discussion may not always be the most mature, I still can't believe that gets more of a harsh reaction than him telling our parents about his partying. I am probably gonna be moved out by the end of this year. I constantly feel like I need to watch what I say and it really annoys me how much more he can get away with, probably cause of our different personalities while growing up, despite that I have stepped up where he hasnt
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 11:51 AM
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wow what you described is very similar to my growing up. i also have 2 younger brothers and one is a year younger. other one is 5 years younger.

hes better with words when arguing with me and better at school, both grades and socialising. I always thought of myself as Horrid Henry and he was Perfect Peter from the childrens books.

when he curses my parents would find it funny, but when i curse they think im serious even if i wasnt. i think its just the manner, like ive always been a serious person so they cant tell im joking.

i dont really care anymore, since i barely talk to them but advise wise id say just try to be happy for them its not always that families get along. personally i dealt with it by avoiding talking to them.


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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2020, 07:19 PM
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Thank god I don't have brothers or I would definetely be the least favourite. I tend to compare myself to others a lot and even doing it with my cousins hurts.

Can't imagine how hard it would be being constantly reminded at home how my brother is better at everything without suffering from the innecessary anxiety I struggle with. I would distance myself from my parents and not even try to compete for attention and love out of frustration. I am a really jealous person by nature and this would be tough. But I guess I would be more used to it since it would of always been like that, I don't know.

It would maybe pressure me to succeed in life and not do worse than my brother. If my parents treated my brother differently I would certaintly address that to them and make them aware of their unfair bias. I am sure they would correct how they treat their sons and if they don't do it is because they are not aware.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 04:41 AM
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It sounds like they're devaluing you and idealising your brother, they might have a personality disorder like NPD. I wouldn't try to figure out a reason for why it is that way, it says a lot more about them than you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mt moyt View Post
wow what you described is very similar to my growing up. i also have 2 younger brothers and one is a year younger. other one is 5 years younger.

hes better with words when arguing with me and better at school, both grades and socialising. I always thought of myself as Horrid Henry and he was Perfect Peter from the childrens books.

when he curses my parents would find it funny, but when i curse they think im serious even if i wasnt. i think its just the manner, like ive always been a serious person so they cant tell im joking.

i dont really care anymore, since i barely talk to them but advise wise id say just try to be happy for them its not always that families get along. personally i dealt with it by avoiding talking to them.


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You should watch the video I posted above too.

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You've been talking to the wall
Everybody is dead in this house

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You never wanted to be born
Everybody is dead in this house

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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by incapaz dseguir mintiendo View Post
Thank god I don't have brothers or I would definetely be the least favourite. I tend to compare myself to others a lot and even doing it with my cousins hurts.

Can't imagine how hard it would be being constantly reminded at home how my brother is better at everything without suffering from the innecessary anxiety I struggle with. I would distance myself from my parents and not even try to compete for attention and love out of frustration. I am a really jealous person by nature and this would be tough. But I guess I would be more used to it since it would of always been like that, I don't know.

It would maybe pressure me to succeed in life and not do worse than my brother. If my parents treated my brother differently I would certaintly address that to them and make them aware of their unfair bias. I am sure they would correct how they treat their sons and if they don't do it is because they are not aware.
I do try to be better admittedly. I'm more financially independent, opting to pay for everything that I can, I get better grades, I've sold a good amount of my art, and I will have a 4 year degree soon. It seems all of this is invisible at home because I have a more child like personality. Not trying to bash my bro or anything we have a good relationship, I just get a bit frustrated knowing I can do all this stuff and try so hard and I still get treated way worse. Lately I've decided to stop trying to earn any respect. I'm unlikely to get it
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-15-2020, 05:10 AM
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Thank you for the video! I was totally a scapegoat in my family with narcissistic father and younger sister.
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