Dad makes me uncomfortable - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-03-2015, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Dad makes me uncomfortable


So recently in the past year my I noticed my dad shows a lot of interest in me. Like more than a normal dad should show in his daughter. He makes me extremely uncomfortable when I'm around him and I feel like hes always looking at me. This summer my friends came over and we were playing messy twister so some of my friends stripped down to their sports bras. I went upstairs to change into something more appropriate and I noticed my dad was sort of stretching his neck to look at me half naked friends. I have a vague memory of when I was younger and my mom was talking to my dad in the car. What she said was "You don't love your daughter, you're in love with her." I have no idea if its my imagination or a real memory. This is a very irrational thought but I've been imagining that he's molesting me in my sleep. I have no lock on my door so it would be very easy for him to get into my room at night. I am an extremely deep sleeper, I could sleep through an earthquake. Another time a couple years ago I was scared in my room so I climbed into my parents bed. My dad was half awake and I slept in between my parents. When i got under the covers my dad's hand was on my private part. I don't know if this was an accident or not because he was half asleep but i moved it aside. A couple other times when i went into my parents room, his hand was near my butt. I'm very uncomfortable around him and he is quick to anger. I don't want to tell my mom because she will most likely dismiss it. I am 13 years old and I just want to lead a normal life, without any trauma. Please help me
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-03-2015, 03:49 PM
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Omg, this is serious. I would definitely tell some one about this. It might be all in your head or your dad might have some issues. At 13 your at a vulnerable age. Does he and your mom have a good relationship? You definitely need to let others around you know, this is something you can't take lightly. The hand on your private area was a red flag then, definitely need to let this stuff out to someone close to you. Friends? School counselor? Other family members?

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 02:43 PM
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No joke this is serious. I'd start by telling your mom. Even if she doesn't believe you, you'll have started record. Every time your dad seems to be a little too interested in you and your friends, tell her again. Over time, I'll be her eyes will open up. Second, you might not have a lock on your door, but a simple wedged shaped piece of wood can be shoved in the crack under the door and function as a decent lock. If your Dad does anything seriously wrong, get away from him, maybe go to a friends house, and call the cops. The cops aren't you mother, they don't have a vested interest in defending your dad. They will believe a young girl when she tells them her dad is getting close to molesting her.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 07:34 PM
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Reading over my advice I realize it didn't go far enough. If you are genuinely afraid of your father molesting or raping you, you gotta act before he does. Get a friend, or a friends parent to drive you down to the police station where I am sure you can make some formal complaint and put them on watch. Then tell your parents. Your Dad will be pissed, but he will also be afraid. Child molesters don't do well in prison.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 07:42 PM
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I apologize for being cynical, but I find it hard to believe that this is true, given that incest is a pretty common topic for bait AND it being his/her very first post....too fishy.

Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.”
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted by pikahunter View Post
So recently in the past year my I noticed my dad shows a lot of interest in me. Like more than a normal dad should show in his daughter. He makes me extremely uncomfortable when I'm around him and I feel like hes always looking at me. This summer my friends came over and we were playing messy twister so some of my friends stripped down to their sports bras. I went upstairs to change into something more appropriate and I noticed my dad was sort of stretching his neck to look at me half naked friends. I have a vague memory of when I was younger and my mom was talking to my dad in the car. What she said was "You don't love your daughter, you're in love with her." I have no idea if its my imagination or a real memory. This is a very irrational thought but I've been imagining that he's molesting me in my sleep. I have no lock on my door so it would be very easy for him to get into my room at night. I am an extremely deep sleeper, I could sleep through an earthquake. Another time a couple years ago I was scared in my room so I climbed into my parents bed. My dad was half awake and I slept in between my parents. When i got under the covers my dad's hand was on my private part. I don't know if this was an accident or not because he was half asleep but i moved it aside. A couple other times when i went into my parents room, his hand was near my butt. I'm very uncomfortable around him and he is quick to anger. I don't want to tell my mom because she will most likely dismiss it. I am 13 years old and I just want to lead a normal life, without any trauma. Please help me
Go to your school counselor asap
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 03:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by benevichi View Post
I apologize for being cynical, but I find it hard to believe that this is true, given that incest is a pretty common topic for bait AND it being his/her very first post....too fishy.
I agree, this is probably a troll…
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 04:36 AM
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Can't really afford assuming it's a troll tho,right?
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 07:16 AM
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Like others have said, you should really tell someone about it. Pay extremly close attention to everything he does before you do. Look if he looks at you more and acts weird when you wear less clothes (not underwear ofc, but like tshirt, shorts etc) compared to when you're wearing lots of clothes. See if he looks strangely at other young girls on tv, in public etc. How does he feel about you getting a boyfriend/girlfriend one day? Is he extremly protective about that kinda stuff? That could be a huge sign that something isn't right.

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 07:25 AM
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Start by getting a lock in your room. Then avoid him like crazy.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 07:30 AM
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Please tell someone as soon as possible. Can you talk to your Mum? You need to tell someone at school, and keep the hell away from him. Do you have an aunt or anyone you can speak to? Trust your instincts.


Please don't assume this poster could be a troll. There is a chance this could be a troll, but as someone else said we can't afford to assume that way.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 08:57 PM
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I am around your dads age and so want to express my thought's on this but as mentioned this is the first post and not sure if this is for real
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 10:01 PM
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Sounds like it's in your head .
Sorry . But that be my 2 cents worth .

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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 10:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pikahunter View Post
So recently in the past year my I noticed my dad shows a lot of interest in me. Like more than a normal dad should show in his daughter. He makes me extremely uncomfortable when I'm around him and I feel like hes always looking at me. This summer my friends came over and we were playing messy twister so some of my friends stripped down to their sports bras. I went upstairs to change into something more appropriate and I noticed my dad was sort of stretching his neck to look at me half naked friends. I have a vague memory of when I was younger and my mom was talking to my dad in the car. What she said was "You don't love your daughter, you're in love with her." I have no idea if its my imagination or a real memory. This is a very irrational thought but I've been imagining that he's molesting me in my sleep. I have no lock on my door so it would be very easy for him to get into my room at night. I am an extremely deep sleeper, I could sleep through an earthquake. Another time a couple years ago I was scared in my room so I climbed into my parents bed. My dad was half awake and I slept in between my parents. When i got under the covers my dad's hand was on my private part. I don't know if this was an accident or not because he was half asleep but i moved it aside. A couple other times when i went into my parents room, his hand was near my butt. I'm very uncomfortable around him and he is quick to anger. I don't want to tell my mom because she will most likely dismiss it. I am 13 years old and I just want to lead a normal life, without any trauma. Please help me
At 13 you are human. Maybe he's a little too overprotective of you since you're entering your teenage years. If you have a strong assumption that he is molesting you, please call the cops because you are a child and that would be sick!
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-14-2015, 11:33 PM
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Definitely serious.

I've slept in bed with my parents when I was young, when I was afraid and that hand on the private parts thing isn't normal. None of my parents did anything like that thankfully. That doesn't happen by accident or in sleep.

Always trust your instincts - I had a good friend when I was in high school whose father used to molest her. He did 'accidental' grazes all the time at first and by the time she was 15, he was raping her. Thankfully she was able to get out of that situation but these 'accidental' groping or grazing the private areas is total BS. And, women often have good instincts but the problem comes where women brush them off as being 'in their head'.

If you're not sure what's real or not then start writing things down. Any time he makes you feel uncomfortable, write the details & date down. It may help you see things clearly. Plus, if your father continues his behaviour or does in fact molest or rape you, the diary can be proof of behaviour to show your mother or police.

But if you know he IS molesting or raping you, then you need to go to the police. Molestors are NOT one time offenders. They always hurt more than one person. i.e.) My friend from high school, her father started raping & molesting her sister as well. & many molestors go after their child's friends as well. You don't want to discover one day that your father hurt one of your friends too, do you?

And to anyone who thinks this is 'in your head', ignore them. I've found that men (no offence) don't always see the inappropriate behaviour. Usually that's because it's done when they aren't around and therefore, they can't see how subtle these things can start out. Another friend of mine was molested by her babysitter when she was 8 and the sitter convinced her they were playing a game at first and then his hands were on her privates. She was too scared to tell her parents, then the next time he insisted on washing her because that's what her parents hired him for, so then he started molesting her in the bath.

Kids (and that includes 13 yr olds like yourself) are vulnerable and are made to feel guilty. That's a molester's MO/pattern because if the kid feels guilty then they'll want to please the molester and therefore be less likely to say 'no' to things (therefore allowing him to wash you, etc). It provides easier access to you and then he will take what he wants. Definitely not the kid's doing, but as they're innocent and vulnerable, the molester will exploit that and made them feel horrible even before they start molesting them.

This needs to be taken seriously. I urge you to keep a diary of weird or uncomfortable things you're noticing with your dad and to tell your mom. I know several women who were victimized when they were younger and it's caused serious trauma.

Besides, if something were to happen, it will help you cope, knowing that you tried everything you could to stop it.
No matter what you decide to do, if your father tries to hurt you, you do NOT deserve it. Even if you chose to do nothing, it isn't your fault. He's the adult, he knows what is appropriate or not & no matter what you wear or how you act, you're his daughter and he needs to treat you as such.

You must have these thoughts for a reason. It could be something as simple as waking up in the middle of the night, half asleep, to your father touching you. You may have thought it was a dream... it could be anything but if you feel it's a possibility then it may be true. Take it seriously. These thoughts aren't common unless they're based on something real.

***If he does try something, be vocal. Tell him 'no', kick, scream, fight. And as I was always taught, if a guy tries to hurt you, hurt him first. The elbow is one of the strongest parts of your body, elbow him in the face. Stick your thumbs in his eyes until he lets you go, claw, kick, scream & fight. Do what ya gotta do to get away. If you still can't get away, try to leave as much damage as possible to hurt him back & to try to get DNA samples so you can convict the bas***d!
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-17-2015, 02:52 AM
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I've known a couple people who have felt like this about their fathers and they said it tended to stop once they told their dads directly that it was making them uncomfortable. Maybe he knows what he's doing, maybe he doesn't, but either way it's not good when you feel this way around him.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-17-2015, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Charmander View Post
I've known a couple people who have felt like this about their fathers and they said it tended to stop once they told their dads directly that it was making them uncomfortable. Maybe he knows what he's doing, maybe he doesn't, but either way it's not good when you feel this way around him.
I agree.

i'm serious
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