Worried about not being good enough to work in aviation
Iíve just started to work in a new job and Iíve double feelings about it. I was unemployed for quite a while and then I found this job in airport security. To my surprise, I went through all the testing without problem and they hired me. At first I was happy, very happy. Airport is a place I kind of always wanted to work and my salary is quite good too. Iím working there for three weeks now. Well, actually I wouldnít really call it a work, right now Iíve a learning course to study everything I need to know for work and Iíve still have a lot to learn before I can work on my own.
I learn as good as I can and Iíve passed all the knowledge tests so far and now I've started to work practically with my instructor. Everyone is good to me. But I feel so insecure about myself, that Iím not good enough and that I wonít remember anything when Iíll have to work on my own. Last week I woke up in the morning before job and a thought just flashed inside my head Ė where the hell did you get yourself into, are you mad, aviation is not your place at all! These thoughts usually come to me when Iím at home, like today. When Iím at the airport, I feel good to learn and find out something new. But Iím scared to irritate my coworkers, to make myself look stupid and get fired. I worry that the airport is so big and I wonít know where to go. I've never worked with passengers and I don't know if I can do this. I worry that this job is such a big responsibility. I worry about my language skills.
I want to be friends with all my coworkers and I know itís impossible, as everyone is different. I know everyone needs to start somewhere and no one was born a professional but I hate being the young and dumb employee. I try to remember that I do what I have to do, as I need the money and I want to finally be independent from my parents but this fear about not being good enough never lets go of me. I got to see security workers in action, they looked so professional and doing everything so fast and I was like Ė Iíll never reach that level.
I just feel worthless, like Iíll let everyone down for sure. Like Iím a complete fool. Even when the instructor says something like Ąvery goodĒ or Ągood you noticed thatĒ about something I do or say, I still have a feeling heís just saying it to make me feel better.