Why Christmas pushed me over the edge - Beware - 700 words!
*sorry for length* I believe I’ve suffered from anxiety since i was young. Whilst I could blame my parents for the majority of my issues, that won't help. I've avoided many situations due to my anxiety such as social events, jobs, etc. Mental issues seem to be an issue with my family, and i guess im not exception.
I've always liked to get high, drink alcohol, when I was young (15+) I smoked weed 4 years straight, and drank whenever I wanted, whenever I could afford it. I also experimented with drugs at times. I tried Ecstasy, what a mistake! It turned on my anxiety and I panicked the whole time i was on the drug - what a nightmare! I ended up in hospital due to the extreme anxiety. Cocaine made me feel ok at times, but there was always these negative thought "what will happen", "what if i die", "what if it isn't cocaine" – these thoughts would always bring on EXTEME anxiety. I could never relax!
Anyway, i quit weed years ago and also quit experimenting with drugs years ago, then I stopped weed, i then became obese due to food addiction, I then increased my drinking a little and stopped eating and lost all my weight. I've now quit smoking cigarettes, and im trying to cut down my drinking to 20 pints of beer a week (two binge days a week, or three over special occasions).
So right now my only addiction is beer, and im don't think it's too bad. I've come along way. Im not a daily drinker.
I know that my real issue is ANXIETY and any other issue that comes of it like DEPRESSION, lack of MOTIVATION etc.
Lack of social skills
Over thinks things to the extreme at times
Lack of eye contact
Anxiety when I know I’ve got to wake up for something
Worries about health (extreme at times) *something new
Anyway, the stress of Christmas coming and the thought that I wouldn’t get any sleep, and what would happen if I couldn’t wake up, so many what if’s. I just wanted some relief to calm me from this anxiety, but I didn’t drink as I only drink twice a week, however, I needed something, my brain was in that overdrive mode, and I just couldn’t switch off.
I went one or two days without sleep, and I just couldn’t take it! I let my anxiety come out and told my parents how I was feeling, that I couldn’t sleep, was shaking, constant fear thoughts, mainly about Christmas. My health has also been a huge factor this year, I’ve purchased a blood sugar monitor, sugar monitor, online blood tests, etc. The thoughts of “What if my anxiety is causes by diabetes, what if it is caused by thyroid, what if ... blah blah”.
They were quite supportive, I went to the doctors, and I explained that I react to anxious situations very extremely and that it causes me many issues. He had two options for me, a mild medication, or, counselling. We decided that trying medication would be the first route to go on, with counselling a future possibility.
So I was given Mirtazapine 15mg. (I still haven’t taken it).
I haven’t taken it yet. My shaking stopped quite quickly after visiting the doc, within an hour of visiting gave me some relief. I ended up dragging myself through Christmas day, it wasn’t easy, but I did it, spent it with my family, and now I feel more relief.
I re-review situations, another reason why I avoid them! “Did I sound like an idiot”, “why didn’t I say more”, etc.
So, do you guys think this Mirtazapine 15mg is worth taking? Will it help? Or will I have another anxiety attack like whenever I take something that I don’t know what will happen? Apparently, I can still enjoy my beer, just know where near as much, I’ll have to drop from 20 pints a week to a slight 3-5 pints, I guess?
Should I take Mirtazapine 15mg? Is it my best option right now? Will it help me? These are my questions. Thanks