Why am I scared to look people in the eyes? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 89 (permalink) Old 09-08-2011, 02:45 PM
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I used to have a lot of problems with this in the past. It's a lot better now. I used to have an OT that would stop talking if I wasn't making eye contact. She wouldn't continue what she was saying until I looked her in the eyes. I find now that while I do make eye contact, I spend more of my time looking at their nose/mouth.
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post #22 of 89 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 11:34 AM
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I too have this problem since last 2 years.
I dont know how this happen to me.
Before 2 years i can able to look the peoples face, but now i cannot look peoples face but looking into their's eye.For 1st 10 to 15 secs i can look at face but after that eye automatically starts look peoples eye which makes that people uncomfortable and i can understand that the guy has realized that i am looking into a portion of face or particular place in the face rather then his face as a whole which makes uncomfortable to him.

Actually this problem affecting my job interview result.I really missed some jobs in interviews because of this problem.Because when i look into the Interviewer eye , cannot able to listen what they telling and even i hope they cannot listen what i am telling.

How can overcome this problem
Can any one helps how to look people's face as a whole while talking instead looking into their eyes.
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post #23 of 89 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 11:45 AM
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Practice looking at yourself in the mirror and say a couple things to yourself too. While your at it, maybe smile or laugh. Also, look at both of your eyes. Like literally turn your eyes from one eye to the next. You dont always have to look at them directly. Its ok to turn your head once in awhile. This helped me alot and I think its a great practice from being outside your comfort zone.

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post #24 of 89 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 11:51 AM
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same problem


well i also have the same problem to some extent.start talking to peoples especially beautiful girls and it will solve ur problem.do yoga that will cure you totally.
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post #25 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-14-2011, 02:54 AM
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fear of looking people in the eyes


ive had this for years now. it came into my life when i was about 20 years old and has NOT gone since. i feel like a lot of people here in this and other forums... i use to have a lot of friends, now very few. i use to have a beautiful girlfriend, now nothing close... no girl would be interested in some dude that cant look her in they eyes, or listen to what she says... the instant i look someone in they eyes i become so drawn in that i cant even focus in on what they are saying, so i look away and try to think of what the last word they said was and just "bull****" my way into them thinking i was paying attention..... i would give the world to just have one day where this problem was gone and i was able to socialize with my coworkers and family, and not have them walk away thinking "how awkward was that conversation"..... its depressing, so depressing and lonely that i sometimes want to just end it all very quickly. not so much now as i did when this first came into my life. the first couple years i thought of suicide (and with much detail) probably 3-5 times a day, sometimes even more... now its probably once a week to once a month... but the fact is im still so miserable that i think of suicide. i cant tell you how many therapists, doctors and psychologists i've been to. i dont know what to do anymore, and up until i found this place i though i was the only one with this disorder. someone from another forum mentioned that he started working out and eating healthier, which i have spent the last few years doing myself, it helps, a little. but nowhere near gone. i also have cut way back on drinking and partying... it just makes my anxiety and SAD (social anxiety disorder) much much worse... god i wish there was a solution to all of this...
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post #26 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-14-2011, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tednugent2007 View Post
It's my biggest fear in life and probably the reason I have so much anxiety around people. Everytime someone is having a long conversation with me, I just can't keep eye contact with them. My mind starts racing and I'm so busy wondering what I look like and if I'm doing it right, that I miss what the person is saying. I can't even hold eye contact when I'm talking with my family. It's pretty f'ed up. I don't know how to get over it. I'm hoping my therapist has some ideas because I'm lost. The sad thing is, until I fix this problem, I don't have the confidence to go on dates. You know how awkward that would be? How could I ever enjoy a date without making eye contact with the girl? It seems like this should be so easy, but right now I find it impossible o do. I feel like I forgot how to use my eyes. lol uhhhhhh
shame. as in your help tightly in that emotions grip.

" Dad died and I slipped in a coma, I was awake but I listened to no one. I was distant, I was pissed off, I was the last living Christoff, and I was angry with the other side of my window. A side that I wasnt built for. A side that I wasnt fit for. Convinced I was better off indoors, untill my pills run out and my killed buzz makes me sick till I refill my script up "

Derek Christoff a.k.a D-Sisive
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post #27 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 07:47 AM
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yer i get like that sometimes its like i feel as though there's too much personal attention on me, as though im not worthy of there attention, what i try to do is look at something else on there face, if you keep eye contact for a little while then look away its fine nobody notices it but if someone is talking to you and your not giving them any eye contact at all they'll try even harder to make sure you engaged in there's, you can usually hear in by the tone of there voice if you weren't, imagine yourself in another persons shoes ,you can even try to look at there eye brows instead this may help you alot more then when your ready just work your way down

I know it seem hard sometimes but uhh
Remember one thing "Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that ,So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, Keep your head up, and handle it"

- Tupac Shakur -
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post #28 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 07:56 AM
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I can only do this if i make myself believe that im the bigger person, for instance ill kinda have a mean/intimidating look on my face then usually the other person will cease to make eye contact.
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post #29 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 08:01 AM
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Smile

I know how its must feel to be feelings suicidal i was once like that , those thoughts nagged me day in and day out but i think your doing a great job by looking after your health , you know i too have hardly any friends ( 2 friends that i don't keep in contact with) but i find if you be your own best friend others will be drawn to good things in yourself thus creating new friends, i know it doesn't always happen straight away but it will happen, i guess the best medicine for us Social anxiety sufferers is to engage in as much social contact with others as possible, i hate being alone too

Quote:
Originally Posted by azdude123 View Post
ive had this for years now. it came into my life when i was about 20 years old and has NOT gone since. i feel like a lot of people here in this and other forums... i use to have a lot of friends, now very few. i use to have a beautiful girlfriend, now nothing close... no girl would be interested in some dude that cant look her in they eyes, or listen to what she says... the instant i look someone in they eyes i become so drawn in that i cant even focus in on what they are saying, so i look away and try to think of what the last word they said was and just "bull****" my way into them thinking i was paying attention..... i would give the world to just have one day where this problem was gone and i was able to socialize with my coworkers and family, and not have them walk away thinking "how awkward was that conversation"..... its depressing, so depressing and lonely that i sometimes want to just end it all very quickly. not so much now as i did when this first came into my life. the first couple years i thought of suicide (and with much detail) probably 3-5 times a day, sometimes even more... now its probably once a week to once a month... but the fact is im still so miserable that i think of suicide. i cant tell you how many therapists, doctors and psychologists i've been to. i dont know what to do anymore, and up until i found this place i though i was the only one with this disorder. someone from another forum mentioned that he started working out and eating healthier, which i have spent the last few years doing myself, it helps, a little. but nowhere near gone. i also have cut way back on drinking and partying... it just makes my anxiety and SAD (social anxiety disorder) much much worse... god i wish there was a solution to all of this...

I know it seem hard sometimes but uhh
Remember one thing "Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that ,So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, Keep your head up, and handle it"

- Tupac Shakur -
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post #30 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 11:35 AM
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You all have described me perfectly! Even though I know that everything logical says I should feel plenty comfortable around people, I just panic. Trying to fight it only makes it worse. My defenses are something akin to the defensive power an ant on a sidewalk has over a giant foot.
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post #31 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 06:41 PM
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I actually have the opposite problem and I'm not sure why people don't look me in the eye. When others look me in the eye I see them as having confidence and having a strong personality. If you can look a person in the eye you should have a positive effect on them and impress them. If girls weren't so nervous around me and actually looked me in the eye I'd be stoked.
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post #32 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:28 PM
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Omgosh im exactly the same. its terrible. if i look at someone for more than 10 seconds while talking to them i feel like im staring and that they'll think im weird so i look away and then i worry they'll think im weird so i look back but then it feels awkward and omgod it sucks.
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post #33 of 89 (permalink) Old 11-20-2011, 04:30 AM
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this is my second post. thank you Aries33 for responding to my last post. this "fear" has affected my life so much, probably because i was once and still try to be very social. i work at the biggest bar in my city and i socialize with many of the people that come in. i also am about to graduate with a math and engineering degree, and will be going back in the fall of 2012 for pre-med and than med school. its so difficult to attend all of the meetings that im required to attend and "contain myslef" (so to speek). my boss, co-workers, and even my family all know i have something going on with the way i look at them (at least i think so). they all have their own way of talking to me and looking at me when i go into a conversation with them. some avoid me all together to avoid the awkwardness. i use to be so good at socializing. it was one of my best attributes. lol i mean i dated the high school prom queen!! lol.... and she was the most beautiful girl ive ever met in my life, and her parents loved me. now i would be so nervous to meet a girls parents, id just embarrass myself. ive worked at three different engineering companies, other bars, and gone to 4 different colleges and ive made awkward scenarios at every one, whether i was in a meeting, or just a simple co-worker to co-worker/ student to student conversation. my anxiety use to be so much worse than it is now. i use to get such short breath i though i was going to pass out several times right there in a meeting, or in class. ive straight got up and walked out of the classroom several times thinking that if i didnt i would black out right there on the desk... people just look at me all weird like "is this dude on drugs? why is he breathing like that?"... i had a co-worker once say out of the blue "man you need to figure things out, maybe cut back on the coffee or something". i got so pissed, i just walked away.... i dont even drink coffee!... now my anxiety has shifted from the short of breath to this weird moving my hands and feet.. almost like im not sure how fast to move my hands or even when to move them... how do you loose yourself so much that you forget how to look at people and move your limbs?... does anybody know the name of this weird moving thing, or even the fear of looking people in the eyes thing? im determined to get my life back, its not healthy to live in this much misery.
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post #34 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 02:31 AM
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I can help you!


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Originally Posted by azdude123 View Post
ive had this for years now. it came into my life when i was about 20 years old and has NOT gone since. i feel like a lot of people here in this and other forums... i use to have a lot of friends, now very few. i use to have a beautiful girlfriend, now nothing close... no girl would be interested in some dude that cant look her in they eyes, or listen to what she says... the instant i look someone in they eyes i become so drawn in that i cant even focus in on what they are saying, so i look away and try to think of what the last word they said was and just "bull****" my way into them thinking i was paying attention..... i would give the world to just have one day where this problem was gone and i was able to socialize with my coworkers and family, and not have them walk away thinking "how awkward was that conversation"..... its depressing, so depressing and lonely that i sometimes want to just end it all very quickly. not so much now as i did when this first came into my life. the first couple years i thought of suicide (and with much detail) probably 3-5 times a day, sometimes even more... now its probably once a week to once a month... but the fact is im still so miserable that i think of suicide. i cant tell you how many therapists, doctors and psychologists i've been to. i dont know what to do anymore, and up until i found this place i though i was the only one with this disorder. someone from another forum mentioned that he started working out and eating healthier, which i have spent the last few years doing myself, it helps, a little. but nowhere near gone. i also have cut way back on drinking and partying... it just makes my anxiety and SAD (social anxiety disorder) much much worse... god i wish there was a solution to all of this...
I know your pain! I suffered with this problem for 10 years of my life and it nearly ruined me completely! Then I tried an excercise which worked and now my life has changed dramatically. I have started a blog to try and help others do the same and beat this horrible affliction...www.nofear.me.uk.... I hope I can help you and others as I helped myself.
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post #35 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 02:42 AM
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I have the same problem with most of you here, which affect me daily in my life, i was unable to make any eye contact with anyone even unable to make eye contact with my family too.
It could be bad not having any eye contact when someone talking to me and they may think i'm a rude person or "trying to be smart" or just dont care anything they saying.
I have no problem when looking far into someone eye, but when its close i will feel scared, because im ugly i scared they will look and say that im ugly to me , this will drive me crazy even when thinking of it .
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post #36 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 02:49 AM
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post #37 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 02:51 AM
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Originally Posted by samuel89 View Post
I have the same problem with most of you here, which affect me daily in my life, i was unable to make any eye contact with anyone even unable to make eye contact with my family too.
It could be bad not having any eye contact when someone talking to me and they may think i'm a rude person or "trying to be smart" or just dont care anything they saying.
I have no problem when looking far into someone eye, but when its close i will feel scared, because im ugly i scared they will look and say that im ugly to me , this will drive me crazy even when thinking of it .
Hi There

I had this problem too, but I over came it. See my blog nofear.me.uk. I have created the blog to try and help people do the same. Let me know if my advice works!

Cheers
Ben
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post #38 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 03:00 AM
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Thank ericoray i will surely try out those advice, but i guess it may going to take some time to see some effect. I will pm you on the outcome after perhaps 2weeks of trying xD.
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post #39 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 09:35 PM
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I hate it so much. I wish it would just end. I feel like if I could look people in the eyes I could conquer the world.

I was wondering if this happens to you where your eyes get big when someone looks/talks to you and then you intimidate them but you really don't mean to....you are just scared to look them in the eye and thats your response.

i dk... i really just want to get tinted glasses...i feel like that may help
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post #40 of 89 (permalink) Old 12-01-2011, 09:49 PM
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Red face

Laughing at me


Sometimes when people greet me with a smile when being introduced, I interpret their smile as though they were laughing at me. I know this is rooted in my past history with bullying and scapegoating. It's a weird thing.
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