What Makes Someone Unlikable? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-11-2019, 08:29 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 363

What Makes Someone Unlikable?


People immediately do not like me and I know it's because of the way I look.

Whenever I meet anyone at work they always look uncomfortable.

I try to not let it affect me but it really hurts.
melancholyscorpio is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-11-2019, 09:23 PM
SAS Member
 
andy0128's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Europe
Gender: Male
Age: 38
Posts: 5,617
Possessing undesirable traits. Bad appearance, crap personality, low social status, emitting a pungent odour etc.
andy0128 is offline  
post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-11-2019, 11:00 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 10
I think that very few people would choose not to like someone based on looks. The source of most dislike is surely personality. Especially a person who is selfish, irritable, judgmental, cruel etc. The more someone is genuinely interested in or concerned for other's wellbeing, the more likeable they are.

Of course it always helps to be a good storyteller/joker, as alot of people are just looking to be saved from their own boredom. This is not the social phobic's strongsuit, so a smiling face and an attentive ear will at least from the basis of some good relationships
zulumabala is offline  
 
post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-11-2019, 11:58 PM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 11,470
I think the sort of things that make a person unlikeable are - being obnoxious, being a bully, making fun of others, loud, too pushy, liars - stuff like that.

But I don't think that's why people are avoided sometimes - sometimes it happens because that person may have qualities that make others a bit uncomfortable, not because they are actually unlikeable as such.

Say for example if a person is really quiet or awkward in social settings (probably fairly common on here I'd say) they might not know how to react to that person or even misinterpret their behaviour as aloofness or snobbiness. If the person is always struggling to think of something to say or is extremely nervous people can often sense that too, which is a bit tricky.
harrison is online now  
post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 12:34 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Posts: 7,711
My Mood: Angry
Angry

If the person


Does not use a telephone 24/7 every minute ever day of their life and smoke cigarettes all time always. This must be embedded in dna of each human. Crime of not doing such

any preference of
equivalently communicating by email instead, the person is invalid
and never accepted in any way at all

∂arkest place of bike locks backside of supermarket where all staff smoke & laugh and play with phonetoys all time. no millisecond passes by without nicotine, screen, SSWWWipinnggg TOUchchchcinnggg all life long. PUFF!! EARRRRRZ

I unlock the bike. before zooming away, as they all glare at me...

IT'S HIMM!!! I SCREAM at just one young woman... where's ya cigarettes and phone??? come on!! phone and cigarettes N O W !! why not! MORE! MORE NOW!!??MORE!! my 50:50 share of bullying the bullies of each walk of life. never shouted or bullied anyone ever, ever, til one did. Never Hunngg UPP on a person, ever, until people starting doing that, without goodbye or any... then...

why phone addiction? callcentre operative cannot be seen how obese, puffing smoke, eating pizza

ultimate method of hiding away to never be seen, just voice! Voice makes a human. Eyes gouged? no matter. just mouth makes the person.
if world leader at podium / rostrum their Voice is all! no other output of human body? no hands? maybe? human voice is redundant, containing zero information, only white noise or silence, no words. bleeuurrgh.
twitchy666 is online now  
post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 12:41 AM
Benevolent Dictator
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 46
Posts: 8,273
My Mood: Brooding
I think this is actually a very complex subject, but basically humans are just fancy amoebas: they like things that give them pleasure and dislike things that give them pain.

Everyone likes different things, but there are certain kinds of traits that more or less reliably produce pleasure or pain in other people. Being attractive, smelling bad; being funny, being dull; being outgoing, being reserved; being positive, being negative; sharing values, having different values; etc.

Wishing she had a mindblowing GUI
truant is offline  
post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 12:51 AM
Powered By Moisture
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Posts: 26,364
My Mood: Relaxed
If you believe it's your appearance, post a pic and see if people can advise on how to try to fix the problem.

We're not here to make you feel worse. We're here to try and help you.

------------

"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." - Carlin

"They flutter behind you your possible pasts
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost
A warning to anyone still in command
Of their possible future, to take care."
- Pink Floyd
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 03:27 AM
Senior Thread Writer
 
Cool Ice Dude55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Essex, UK
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,160
My Mood: Worried
if they wear canada douchebag jackets.


Cool Ice Dude55 is offline  
post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 07:45 AM
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,192
They stink.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
Maslow is offline  
post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 08:51 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
My Mood: Stressed
I have the same problem. I don't understand why! I also don't want to say anything because I'm not in a position to give advice.

H.P.
HeatherGrey is offline  
post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 09:41 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 363
Sometimes I'm overly sensitive and exaggerate but I just don't understand why I immediately make others uncomfortable.

I understand that I'm awkward when meeting people and I'm like a deer in headlights and don't say a lot, but just right off the bat people already look uncomfortable.
melancholyscorpio is online now  
post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 10:19 PM
SAS Member
 
andy0128's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Europe
Gender: Male
Age: 38
Posts: 5,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I think the sort of things that make a person unlikeable are - being obnoxious, being a bully, making fun of others, loud, too pushy, liars - stuff like that.

But I don't think that's why people are avoided sometimes - sometimes it happens because that person may have qualities that make others a bit uncomfortable, not because they are actually unlikeable as such.

Say for example if a person is really quiet or awkward in social settings (probably fairly common on here I'd say) they might not know how to react to that person or even misinterpret their behaviour as aloofness or snobbiness. If the person is always struggling to think of something to say or is extremely nervous people can often sense that too, which is a bit tricky.
True. Your average bully probably has a lot more friends than someone with SA. Bullies often use charm or intimidation in getting people to like them. A person with SA sucks the life out of social occasions rather than going with the flow.
andy0128 is offline  
post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-13-2019, 11:28 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: florida
Language: english
Gender: Male
Posts: 20
My Mood: Confused
for me its when i drink i sometimes get annoying and people think thats the true me when thats far from the truth
smc954 is offline  
post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 05:01 PM
RAS
 
Fun Spirit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Georgia
Language: English, Real talk, Spiritual
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,880
Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
People immediately do not like me and I know it's because of the way I look.

Whenever I meet anyone at work they always look uncomfortable.

I try to not let it affect me but it really hurts.
This make me mad about people. People are so judgmental about the way another person look. It isn't right. Just because they don't look what you expect doesn't give them the right to frown upon you or turn their noses up. I wish people wouldn't do that to you. It is like they're telling you in your face un-verbally that you are ugly. They are SO wrong for that.

You ignore people like this. Don't let them be-little you because of the way you look. And if they feel uncomfortable then that is their fault and their failure to see your beauty both from the outside and inside.
Fun Spirit is offline  
post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:21 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 803
My Mood: Sleepy
It can be just anything about me. I'm not likeable person in general...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:41 PM
Permanently tired
 
AffinityWing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: barely livings ave.
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Posts: 1,681
My Mood: Tired
Some things will depend on personal standards, but I think there is a general consensus for ones like being impolite, obnoxious, and inconsiderate.

For me, being too loud can be one, but that would also depend if the person is obnoxious or any of them with it. If they aren't, I think I could tolerate it. Depends on other factors such as where they're being loud, how they treat others, etc.

I've found you aren't as dislikeable as you think, if you maintain at least a basic sense of politeness and manners. Though of course, that can backfire if you keep too much to yourself since some people will also interpret that as rudeness. I've had classmates comment that I never greeted anyone, never talked, and coworkers on how I don't say "Excuse me". Those behaviors must have made me look pretty rude, which wouldn't have helped with my already low likability. Unfortunately, it's difficult if it stems from SA, but I've started taking small steps like greeting people in stores and telling them "Have a nice day".



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
AffinityWing is offline  
post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 363
This co-worker (let's call her L) apparently have "anxiety" and yet she is talkative to everyone else except me.

She does take "happy pills" so I don't know how she is without taking them, but since they make her talkative she should be talkative towards me.

Sometimes she's okay towards me. I talk to her normally but she always looks at me like I'm a freak.

I remember when I first started and was introduced to her by another co-worker and that co-worker said if you need anything you can ask L and I heard her say please don't.
melancholyscorpio is online now  
post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-16-2019, 02:00 AM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 11,470
Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Sometimes I'm overly sensitive and exaggerate but I just don't understand why I immediately make others uncomfortable.

I understand that I'm awkward when meeting people and I'm like a deer in headlights and don't say a lot, but just right off the bat people already look uncomfortable.
Is there anyone at your work that you feel fairly comfortable around and can talk to?

That might help - you might not care about what the others think as much then.

Also, if you have someone outside of work (sorry, I can't remember what your situation is regarding friends but I think you mentioned one before) - then try to think that person likes me and accepts me as I am. So it doesn't really matter what these dick-heads think.
harrison is online now  
post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-16-2019, 08:02 AM
Cooked.
 
Karsten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: New Yawk
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 8,571
My Mood: Breezy
If they're just meeting you and seem uncomfortable, it's much a easier "fix" than if they stopped liking you two weeks in (indicating you have a big character flaw of some sort).

If you're uncomfortable and awkward, the other person is going to naturally be as well. I don't think that makes you "unlikable" as much as it means you're not representing yourself accurately.

I wish there were people you could hire to watch/record your social interactions and coach you on the things you're doing wrong. Would make the whole process so much easier.

Never could learn to drink that blood
And call it wine,
Never could learn to hold you, love,
And call you mine.
Karsten is online now  
post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-16-2019, 08:04 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 326
I they for people with SA its more people not liking us because we are nervous and uncomfortable to be around. Not then we are mean or unattractive. So if you learn better social skills in theory you should be more likable. Easier said then done
chrisinmd is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What makes a person likeable? Randleplexed Frustration 20 07-08-2011 04:11 PM
How do You Produce A Look that makes other people Not Mess With You? Atari82 Coping With Social Anxiety 35 09-18-2010 07:26 AM
What is something that makes you happy?? Colhad75 Therapy 3 03-15-2010 03:42 PM
This just makes me laugh spacemanspiff Just For Fun 3 01-02-2010 12:05 AM
My car makes me sick, and other stuff that makes life suck James of Maine Frustration 5 12-04-2006 05:07 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome