what kind of looks do you get? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 06:52 PM
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post #22 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-08-2020, 07:18 PM
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I feel like I make poor eye contact unless I'm being spoken to directly or someone has my interest. So I wouldn't really know? It varies but the typical curious glance is the norm. Like if you're walking and cross someones path and make eye contact and look away. I'm too old for the hard stares that I used to get in high school. I mean people do it but it doesn't really bother me or make me uncomfortable.

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post #23 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 03:22 AM Thread Starter
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I've noticed people tend to reflect the way we feel about ourselves - to some extent anyway.
yea, i'm thinking that is a component to it. I know that when I go out into the world I feel nervous and I think that is reflected in my general facial expressions. I think fear is one that I might project out there. I generally think that most people in the general public can't comprehend that someone who looks like me can feel scared and fearful when doing something as easy to them as being in public. so the last thing on their minds when they see stress ,fear, concern written over my face is that this guy is genuinely scared of his environment and concerned about himself being in that environment. they think I am up to something. If I have the impression that someone or something is a threat to me then I am probably going to project outwards fear and that feeling onto them, so there is a good chance it's stuff being reflected back towards me. it's not a situation I have been able to manage or solve over all these years, because I can't force people to change their initial opinions and presumptions about me. I can't stop being afraid about being around other people, or concerned when around others let alone complete strangers. it does feel quite unfair overall though because virtually all of the general public just don't understand why I behave the way I do. being given a label of bad guy up to no good, has been incredibly damaging for my self esteem when it's being reinforced every time I spend time around others.

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post #24 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 03:27 AM Thread Starter
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Are you sure that they are looking at you like that? I think that social anxiety and being overly vary about how people perceive can make you interpret things into peoples looks and behavior that aren't there.
as soon as I hit my adult years this started happening. It's become obvious that having mental health and anxiety problems as a child vs having them as an adult is a huge difference. no one would look at a child with such a judgmental and suspicious gaze. In fact, my mh is more likely to elicit sympathy as a child. I remember being a child and although I was called "shy" and did suffer anxiety, I would go places without feeling like I was judged badly constantly, if my anxiety was making me seem like I was behaving nervously then people would overlook it because my appearance was of an innocent child. when I got to adulthood my hair started falling out, my size increased a lot and I looked a lot more "threatening", I can't do anything about the way I look.

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Yeah I get suspicious looks too. People trying to figure me out and they seem creeped out or fearful. Definitely not imagining things. People at stores side eye me a lot
I was thinking about this just the other day. found this site;
http://www.study-body-language.com/b...uage-eyes.html

I can relate to the first definition.

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The Sideways Glance
The sideways glance or a sidelong glance is a glance taken quickly from the… side.

Depending on the context it can send 2 entirely different messages:

1. One of hostility and suspicion:

The head will turn away aside
The eyebrows will furrow
Lines may appear on the forehead
The mouth will go sour.
"Don't get near me" is the meaning here.
often I look and notice someone looking like that, then when I look at them they look away. but they always hold it there staring at me until I notice them, just long enough so I can comprehend their judgmental look and I have processed it. it's like people want me to feel bad about myself.

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post #25 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 10:26 AM
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post #26 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 11:16 AM
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post #27 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 12:27 PM
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Im too used to interacting with patients that I dont know how people in the real world would react 😂 but in the hospital everyone greets with a grin or smile

This is how I greet people in real life now. Also since I moved to a more 'southern' city everyones a lot friendlier. I'm originally from Miami and that was rated top 4 in rudest cities in the US.

When my grandpa visited us he was like "why does everyone smile at me" lol was cute. We're used to being ignored
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post #28 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 12:37 PM
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post #29 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 02:09 PM
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I was thinking about this just the other day. found this site;
http://www.study-body-language.com/b...uage-eyes.html

I can relate to the first definition.



often I look and notice someone looking like that, then when I look at them they look away. but they always hold it there staring at me until I notice them, just long enough so I can comprehend their judgmental look and I have processed it. it's like people want me to feel bad about myself.

Yeah the 'don't go near me' is the feeling I get sometimes. I don't try to talk to people anymore in public but whenever I get these looks from workers and they are cold it makes me feel guilty and bad. It's not all the people I come across because there are friendly people that sometimes smile at me, but the dirty looks make it hard.
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post #30 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 04:10 PM
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People look at me like I'm pathetic and good for nothing, it's just sad. But ngl they're not wrong anyway.

Those looks aren't exactly the same like these ones, but some are not that much different...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #31 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 05:15 PM
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I've gotten a lot of bad looks lately.

It seems when I go to stores the cashier will either be extremely friendly, or if there's a line they'll talk and laugh with everyone in line but when they get to me they barely even speak. I went somewhere yesterday and they literally didn't even say thank you, just told me how much it would be and then just stood there after it was over.

Don't really get it other than they don't like my body language. I get those weird looks in public too. Yesterday it happened multiple times. Mostly it's from women though. With men, particularly ones older than me it's like they just ignore me. I'll literally be standing in line and they just walk right past me like I'm not there. It happened yesterday, waiting in line, had set my stuff down because somebody was in front of me, I'm getting my money out and then next thing I look up and this guy walked right past me and the cashier didn't even say, "hey, somebody was there before you."

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #32 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 04:28 AM
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yea, i'm thinking that is a component to it. I know that when I go out into the world I feel nervous and I think that is reflected in my general facial expressions. I think fear is one that I might project out there. I generally think that most people in the general public can't comprehend that someone who looks like me can feel scared and fearful when doing something as easy to them as being in public. so the last thing on their minds when they see stress ,fear, concern written over my face is that this guy is genuinely scared of his environment and concerned about himself being in that environment. they think I am up to something. If I have the impression that someone or something is a threat to me then I am probably going to project outwards fear and that feeling onto them, so there is a good chance it's stuff being reflected back towards me. it's not a situation I have been able to manage or solve over all these years, because I can't force people to change their initial opinions and presumptions about me. I can't stop being afraid about being around other people, or concerned when around others let alone complete strangers. it does feel quite unfair overall though because virtually all of the general public just don't understand why I behave the way I do. being given a label of bad guy up to no good, has been incredibly damaging for my self esteem when it's being reinforced every time I spend time around others.
Yes, I understand mate. Its a horrible situation.

When I was an inpatient one time this guy came onto the ward that looked very intimidating. He was standing in the TV room and he was huge - with a bald head and all these tattoos down each of his arms. I remember thinking Jesus I better watch out for this guy. Then when I went down to my room later he was sitting on the spare bed - he was about to become my new room-mate.

The following morning I went down to the dining room and he was sitting outside crying like a baby - poor bugger, he was actually a really nice guy. He was an ex-cop with PTSD and scared ****less. Appearances can be very deceiving.

I wish there was something I could say to help you mate - I'm sorry but I doubt I can. I guess just trying to find a way to lower the anxiety and fear is the obvious way to help, but as we both know that's easier said than done and a little bit complicated.
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post #33 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 05:50 AM Thread Starter
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Yes, I understand mate. Its a horrible situation.

When I was an inpatient one time this guy came onto the ward that looked very intimidating. He was standing in the TV room and he was huge - with a bald head and all these tattoos down each of his arms. I remember thinking Jesus I better watch out for this guy. Then when I went down to my room later he was sitting on the spare bed - he was about to become my new room-mate.

The following morning I went down to the dining room and he was sitting outside crying like a baby - poor bugger, he was actually a really nice guy. He was an ex-cop with PTSD and scared ****less. Appearances can be very deceiving.

I wish there was something I could say to help you mate - I'm sorry but I doubt I can. I guess just trying to find a way to lower the anxiety and fear is the obvious way to help, but as we both know that's easier said than done and a little bit complicated.
thanks mate.

yea I have struggled with it a bit. people often say that being big and tall is something that they wish they were like, I often see that written on here, but it has its own unique problems with regards to public perceptions. I get the feeling some people might deal with the kind of problems I experience better than me? some people are naturally less sensitive.

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post #34 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 12:03 PM
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thanks mate.

yea I have struggled with it a bit. people often say that being big and tall is something that they wish they were like, I often see that written on here, but it has its own unique problems with regards to public perceptions. I get the feeling some people might deal with the kind of problems I experience better than me? some people are naturally less sensitive.
Yeah, it's strange how people perceive us - and how we perceive ourselves actually. I'm reasonably tall (6 ft), but I've always felt considerably shorter. (literally sometimes - I can remember times when I've stood up and been surprised that I was taller than most of the people around me - obviously on a day when my self-confidence wasn't what it could have been.

I think we all on here probably struggle with being over-sensitive. I think it goes with the territory of social anxiety - and this constant hyper-awareness of ourselves and what others may or may not be thinking about us.

To some extent my situation has improved - not that anyone ever really treated me all that badly. But as I've gotten older other concerns have taken priority - my mental health for example. And more recently physical problems that worry me more than what someone else may be thinking. I don't care as much anymore.
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post #35 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 12:17 PM
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post #36 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 01:35 PM
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I remembered when I used to go for walks at the beach, some of the women would cross the street or path when they'd see me coming and they'd look at me like I had some evil motive. The homeless people would turn and watch me and point at me when I walked past them. Some of them would spit at me too. I stopped walking down there for these reasons. Also I don't really walk around my street anymore because the neighbors ignore me when I waved or tried talking to them. People act like I'm bad news. I'm 6ft white with a shaved head and tend to wear black. So I do wonder what's going on in people's heads when they see me.

Don't let people treat you like dirt.
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post #37 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 01:51 PM
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getting some lusty looks today lol

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post #38 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 01:55 PM
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getting some lusty looks today lol
Your droopy blue nose is very handsome.

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post #39 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 01:59 PM
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At stores, I just get people ready to run me right over. Like I'm invisible or something.
I've also had people practically run right into me. I was in the grocery store yesterday and this woman was standing right in my way and acted like she didn't see me. Even after I said "excuse me" she didn't move, and I had to maneuver my way around her. So, I mostly get ignored too.

Now I'm Nothing
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post #40 of 62 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 05:21 AM Thread Starter
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I remembered when I used to go for walks at the beach, some of the women would cross the street or path when they'd see me coming and they'd look at me like I had some evil motive. The homeless people would turn and watch me and point at me when I walked past them. Some of them would spit at me too. I stopped walking down there for these reasons. Also I don't really walk around my street anymore because the neighbors ignore me when I waved or tried talking to them. People act like I'm bad news. I'm 6ft white with a shaved head and tend to wear black. So I do wonder what's going on in people's heads when they see me.
I get what you mean about avoiding places, I have tried smiling at people, I would like to do it more but it's difficult for me, I get the feeling people would respond the same way. its very difficult for me to break my resistance to actually doing this. my smile is more like a reluctant smile as I know they are judging me. I am so caught up in the moments when they are approaching in thinking about how I come across and whether they are thinking bad thoughts about me, my posture, imposing size and gait. every time I notice a person walking towards me, when me and them are the only people in the area, I worry about them scrutinizing me. it feels like everyone does.
I wonder how many other guys who fit our description get the same reaction? most normies of course wouldn't probably care as much about their perception to our extent but I doubt it goes unnoticed. reminds me of this image I saw a while back;



same person, doctor by profession and next to it his usual attire. it seems that tattoos are another thing which end up causing people to judge them badly.



it's a similar situation. guy who looks big and mean and has a lot of negative perceptions made about him on the basis of how he looks.

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