i'm generally apathetic about work once I came to the realisation that because of the poverty trap i'm in, any money I earn I won't get to keep, and if I factor in travel then I might be out of pocket. there doesn't seem to be many motivating factors for me to engage with traditional work, I won't see any financial benefit, half the time when I try to help people it does no good and what is the point in contributing to society if you feel increasingly like you want no part of it? as I get older the fantasy of living alone on a self sufficient farm miles from anyone gets more enticing.
i'm trying to do hobbies as pretty much my job, it's hard to stay motivated. I like this hobby but i've lost momentum for sure. I can't really do much else, I get upset when I go out, I get hot and paranoid and angry.I don't like to be in that state. I go through periods of not wanting to even talk about whats going on in my head, then when I do I feel I have no one to speak to or I don't know how to talk about it, so I just think "what's the point? I might as well do what I always do and keep everything to myself..."
I like donuts