Not in a good place at all. mental health problems combined with grief. I don't function well at the moment
The grief never goes away, but learn to manage it better with time. Go through the stages of grieving which takes years sometimes. Everyone is different time wise depending on how close they are to them.
When near the good stages of grieving, reading things they gave you from birthday cards to anything they wrote, or remember them saying. Usually find that helps, as it is like they are talking to you, giving you guidance on what to do next in life.
Even seek out family like you said, who act similar, as it might help guide you. They could have the answer as to what she wanted for you.
It is like in some cultures, you go on a quest to find your life purpose.
Bad and it will only get worse for me. I don't think I can ever create a life that I will want to live.
What do you want from life mate? What do you like doing?
I can see one thing, photography. Maybe a degree in photography or similar?
There's no chance of even getting the basic things like a girlfriend etc
Who knows, could be some woman you are taking photo's of is you future gf. Stranger things have happened.