What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
View Poll Results: What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize?
Anxiety 7 14.58%
Shyness 4 8.33%
Can't think of anything to say 22 45.83%
Awkwardness 5 10.42%
Discomfort with sound of voice, pattern of speech or accent 2 4.17%
Not understanding conversational cues 3 6.25%
Tuning out during conversation 5 10.42%
Voters: 48. You may not vote on this poll

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post #41 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minglee15 View Post
Maybe you are an introvert.you have narrow interests . I am between extroverted and introverted. I can relate to others 50% about the things happening in my city . I guess I notice deliberately even though I am not really into them so I can relate to others. But I can’t elaborate too much about the topics cuz I am not good at elaborating. So I often end up silent very quickly or just reply to the Speakers casually

I'm sort of both, like you. I can be very introverted but can also be extroverted depending on the situation. I'm just not good at being extroverted due to the anxiety and the difficulty in thinking of things to say. Sounds like we're in the same boat. I also have difficulty speaking at length about anything at all. My brain just sorta disconnects.


I don't think I have narrow interests, I think my interests are just different than the general public. I.E. at work pretty much everyone is obsessed with sports. I personally don't give two ****s about sports. I just don't have a way to really connect to the people who share my interests due to my SA.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #42 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by brianlee99 View Post
Yeah I know what you mean... most banter tends to feel very surface-level, like people talking about their friends and family... Like, I have some very specific hobbies like Soulsborne games and mindfulness, and it's pretty hard to talk about these things with people who don't have experience with either. For me, it really helps me feel comfortable talking about something I actually have in common with another person. I can try to be a good listener, sure, but relatability is very important for me. If all they talk about is clubbing and partying, I mean... what do I even have in common with them at that point?

I can completely relate - I just don't fit in with the majority of the people I encounter. So it's hard to really be in the same mental space as they are.


What kind of mindfulness do you practice? Do you use an app for guided mindfulness. I've wanted to explore mindfulness but haven't been able to find the right app.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #43 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 11:28 AM
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It used to be nerves and low self esteem. But now it is not wanting to struggle the other person within the first five minutes on meeting them. I am a misanthrope, I know.
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post #44 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 07:45 PM
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i have a strong tendency to avoid ppl out of some illset habit/a past relic.
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post #45 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 08:41 PM
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If i find somebody who is much older than me and his preference is very different with mine, its harder to talk to him/her. I can quickly click on youngsters cuz there are lots of common topics/views we share the same mental space. I can talk more. But I tend to be hard to talk in length. I think i am not born to be a public speaker. You know many public speakers can talk for several hours with any scripts, but i just cannot do that.
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post #46 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-17-2020, 03:52 PM
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I panic when I’m talking to someone I don’t know too well and I start thinking that the other person is bored of what I’m saying. Sometimes when someone is having a conversation with me I can tune out a bit because I’m panicking about how I look and whether I’m making enough eye contact. 🤦‍♀️ I often end the conversation earlier than I probably should because I feel like I’m being a bit burdensome and the other person doesn’t really want to talk with me. x
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post #47 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-17-2020, 04:50 PM
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Well aside from the general social anxiety, I can't really be open with people at all and I'm also incompatible with most people.

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post #48 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 11:22 AM
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I can never think of anything to say in a conversation. When someone is talking to me I love to listen to them and I'm very interested in what they have to say, but I can't think of anything to say to them except for things like 'cool' or 'that's nice' , not because I don't care about what they're saying but because I honestly don't know what else to say to them. When I'm having a conversation with someone and I'm talking about myself and my life, my anxiety becomes another obstacle because I'm always afraid that I'm giving away too much about myself or that I could say something that could make the other person dislike me.
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post #49 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 07:51 PM
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Probably mix of everything. But I'd specifically say a clash of personalities. I do really well with like-minded, more-introverted, quieter kind of people, but unfortunately usually there's A type Alpha extroverted, life-of-the-party guys during socialization events, and I get drowned out from the beginning and it snowballs.
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post #50 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 07:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily29 View Post
I can never think of anything to say in a conversation. When someone is talking to me I love to listen to them and I'm very interested in what they have to say, but I can't think of anything to say to them except for things like 'cool' or 'that's nice' , not because I don't care about what they're saying but because I honestly don't know what else to say to them. When I'm having a conversation with someone and I'm talking about myself and my life, my anxiety becomes another obstacle because I'm always afraid that I'm giving away too much about myself or that I could say something that could make the other person dislike me.
Yes! I forgot about that. Although I've come a long ways fighting SAD, I still collapse when asked about myself. Questions like "What do you for fun" and my mind goes blank and I go into my shell.

As for you, don't worry about giving too much about yourself or saying something that someone might dislike about you. That's how conversation works. Easier said then done, as that's what Anxiety is, but just remember if they asked, they want to know so spill some guts!
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post #51 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 09:08 PM
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Probably mix of everything. But I'd specifically say a clash of personalities. I do really well with like-minded, more-introverted, quieter kind of people, but unfortunately usually there's A type Alpha extroverted, life-of-the-party guys during socialization events, and I get drowned out from the beginning and it snowballs.
Yea, I can totally relate to it. When i encounter someone who is extremely socially intimidating or extroverted. I was a like fool who is manipulated by their conversations. Their energy level is too high that i cannot control or respond to them. But i can talk well with quiet and nice and friendly people.

I would say I become an introvert when facing the "intimidating" guys. But i am more extroverted to less intimidating guys. My personality fluctuates between different types of guys. I feel different extents of openness and shyness to different types of guys.
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post #52 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 09:24 PM
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For me it's awkwardness. I dont know how such a thing can exist but I am a friendly introvert. I really value my alone time, but I do enjoy having conversations with people. That being said I've never been especially good at STARTING conversations. Occasionally I'll chit chat with a stranger, and there's been a few times where I've been invited to a gathering and had the attention of a small crowd of people while telling a story.. but those times are few and far between, especially lately. Part of it is not wanting to appear foolish/embarrass myself, and the other part is not wanting to be STUCK in a conversation with someone because if I'm terrible at starting convos I'm an absolute pro at uncomfortable silences.. I feel like it anyway.

".. go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something" - Kurt Vonnegut (on creative writing)
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post #53 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-20-2020, 07:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minglee15 View Post
Yea, I can totally relate to it. When i encounter someone who is extremely socially intimidating or extroverted. I was a like fool who is manipulated by their conversations. Their energy level is too high that i cannot control or respond to them. But i can talk well with quiet and nice and friendly people.

I would say I become an introvert when facing the "intimidating" guys. But i am more extroverted to less intimidating guys. My personality fluctuates between different types of guys. I feel different extents of openness and shyness to different types of guys.
yep, and that's where I run into issues meeting girls lol

They never see my personality. It just gets overshadowed.
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post #54 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-20-2020, 08:02 AM
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For me it's fear of their opinion of me. Expectations of mockery or dislike. I think these are circular self fulfilling prophecies. At points when young, bullying or emotional abuse that breaks down boundaries. Schemas around this to compensate in a hostile environment. Behaviours carry on into adult life. Behaviour is "off" leading to unfavourable reactions from people, confirming problems.

At this point due to isolation and a lack of social contact, as well as my appearance (a man was visibly scared today who i interacted with lol) are making things incredibly difficult.

What actually happens, if I "shut off" my thinking, I can communicate fine.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #55 of 55 (permalink) Old 07-20-2020, 08:11 AM
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Shyness, and not knowing what to say (or my brain freezing as it struggles to come up with something).
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