What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
View Poll Results: What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize?
Anxiety 7 16.28%
Shyness 4 9.30%
Can't think of anything to say 20 46.51%
Awkwardness 4 9.30%
Discomfort with sound of voice, pattern of speech or accent 2 4.65%
Not understanding conversational cues 2 4.65%
Tuning out during conversation 4 9.30%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

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post #21 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 08:46 AM
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I would say "lack of motivation to attempt to socialize" but that means I don't want to socialize in the first place and therefore, it isn't actually an obstacle to an attempt but an obstacle to a desire to attempt. But I also have no desire to have a desire to attempt to socialize. I never attempt to socialize unless there is a need to socialize. IOW, it is not something that my mind sees as fun.

And therefore, this question does not really apply to me.

/WYSD
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post #22 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 10:32 PM
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I love that you asked this question. It’s important and I’m surprised I haven’t seen it before here. For me, the main problem is the feeling of watching the socialization happen. As in, I will feel analytical and detached, like watching myself socialize from above. It’s so hard to have any kind of natural communication because of this.
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post #23 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 12:05 AM
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What the greatest (worst) ever pain suffered?


MUST BE

Unemployment! lowest level
please differ & explain! nothing worse. delighted to know any alternative possibilities

secondary to that would be some severe, physical pain.. skin, graze, broken bone, joint, burn? anaesthetics involved procedure

morally disgusting pain generated by whom say YOU cannot work. not allowed, no earnings, wrecking life from point onwards forever, grinding worse

i'd prefer outright death! Deathday. chewed up by shark or big cats purring, bullets?
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post #24 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 12:48 AM
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Still struggling with #3 through all these years. Hard to overcome when I don't have much that are interesting to share.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #25 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 02:08 AM
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I chose awkwardness.
Fact is Im a little bit parranoid/suspicious of ppl. When I appear in a group of new ppl I get a feeling of "they are hostile/will make fun of me, not worth to begin anything". When somebody speaks to me, more often than not I get feeling "what the hell do you want from me, you certainly do". I dont trust ppl because of past exp, moreover I dont have what to tell about myself so I like abstract discussions more, but most ppl feel uncomfortable when you start to talk about abstract topics. Ppl I deal w/, I dont really feel deep connection, cuz deep down, they dont really want/try to understand me.
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post #26 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatswhat View Post
I love that you asked this question. Itís important and Iím surprised I havenít seen it before here. For me, the main problem is the feeling of watching the socialization happen. As in, I will feel analytical and detached, like watching myself socialize from above. Itís so hard to have any kind of natural communication because of this.

Do you ever suffer from derealization or dissociation? I used to have this problem. Sometimes I would feel like 20 feet tall. Not sure if you are speaking literally or metaphorically about detachment. But I have experienced both the physical symptoms and also mental state of feeling detached.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #27 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 01:51 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
Fact is Im a little bit parranoid/suspicious of ppl. When I appear in a group of new ppl I get a feeling of "they are hostile/will make fun of me, not worth to begin anything". When somebody speaks to me, more often than not I get feeling "what the hell do you want from me, you certainly do". I dont trust ppl.

I often feel like people are mad / fed up / annoyed with me anytime I interact with them. Like I'm not worth their time. I get all in my head about that.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #28 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 06:22 PM
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Do you ever suffer from derealization or dissociation? I used to have this problem. Sometimes I would feel like 20 feet tall. Not sure if you are speaking literally or metaphorically about detachment. But I have experienced both the physical symptoms and also mental state of feeling detached.
No, I don't have derealization or dissociation. But for you, how did you deal with it?
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post #29 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-22-2020, 12:51 PM
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Tending to not know how the **** to end the conversation if I stop being interested, my social battery shorts out, or I learn something about them that makes me not want to continue talking. I don't know how to go back to being neutral with somebody, instead of them feeling like they've made an enemy for a reason they can't understand.

Ultimately, I end up not wanting to talk to most people. And I'm positive it shows more often than I'd like.

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Isn't it a bit early to worry about that at 7 years old?
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I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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post #30 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-24-2020, 12:34 AM
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Feeling like an outsider...

I have a few friends that are socialites and they invite me into their friend groups that then become my friend groups and I guess I'm no longer just my friends friend at that point, but knowing that it was someone else's friend group that they brought me into, kind of makes me feel dependent on them, so then I try to retain my independence by distancing myself from those groups (not completely or anything, just to try to have my so called "own life"), and then I maybe have a loose string of friends outside those groups at most, some that are only in my life for a few months. I need to just accept peoples help at being social, and accept other people's warmth, cause this self imposed isolation is killing me
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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 12:59 PM
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Whoa, that was hella hard to choose!
Well, because of that idk what to say and that I have trouble understanding conversational cues it all results in awkwardness and this experience results in anxiety but shyness was rather first.
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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 10:06 PM
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Saying the right things I guess. I'm not good at surface talk and might end up oversharing or being too blunt/ intense which scares off people.
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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatswhat View Post
No, I don't have derealization or dissociation. But for you, how did you deal with it?

I didn't really - I just lived with it. Alcohol helped to alleviate it when I went out. It bothered me for years. Then a few years ago it just sorta of stopped. I guess the anxiety just started to manifest itself in other ways.


So you don't have any physical symptoms of detachment, its more a mental state where you just over analyze and over think the situation instead of just being in the situation?


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 07:46 PM
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 04:46 AM
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Maybe anxiety but otherwise none of the above. My problem would be anticipatory anxiety and just isolating myself. Once I'm in a social situation I can always think of something to say and I'm not awkward at all. As my wife says - you hide it very well.
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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 07:01 AM
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My biggest obstacle is encountering somebody who has opposite personality as mine. This is often my colleagues. We have different wavelengths and points of views during conversations. Yep, this is the most frustrating part. If i find sb who is similar to me, i am totally fine.
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 01:40 PM Thread Starter
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My biggest obstacle is encountering somebody who has opposite personality as mine. This is often my colleagues. We have different wavelengths and points of views during conversations. Yep, this is the most frustrating part. If i find sb who is similar to me, i am totally fine.

I find I'm on a different wavelength than just about all other humans. This poses a problem for me. I keeping thinking its me and I just need to be more like others but bleh I don't want to talk about football and people's kids and their houses and yard work. I don't relate. I find it hard to relate to everyone else.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 07:12 PM
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I didn't really - I just lived with it. Alcohol helped to alleviate it when I went out. It bothered me for years. Then a few years ago it just sorta of stopped. I guess the anxiety just started to manifest itself in other ways.


So you don't have any physical symptoms of detachment, its more a mental state where you just over analyze and over think the situation instead of just being in the situation?
Yes, exactly.
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 02:56 AM
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My biggest obstacle is encountering somebody who has opposite personality as mine. This is often my colleagues. We have different wavelengths and points of views during conversations. Yep, this is the most frustrating part. If i find sb who is similar to me, i am totally fine.

I find I'm on a different wavelength than just about all other humans. This poses a problem for me. I keeping thinking its me and I just need to be more like others but bleh I don't want to talk about football and people's kids and their houses and yard work. I don't relate. I find it hard to relate to everyone else.
Maybe you are an introvert.you have narrow interests . I am between extroverted and introverted. I can relate to others 50% about the things happening in my city . I guess I notice deliberately even though I am not really into them so I can relate to others. But I can’t elaborate too much about the topics cuz I am not good at elaborating. So I often end up silent very quickly or just reply to the Speakers casually
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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 06:27 PM
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I find I'm on a different wavelength than just about all other humans. This poses a problem for me. I keeping thinking its me and I just need to be more like others but bleh I don't want to talk about football and people's kids and their houses and yard work. I don't relate. I find it hard to relate to everyone else.
Yeah I know what you mean... most banter tends to feel very surface-level, like people talking about their friends and family... Like, I have some very specific hobbies like Soulsborne games and mindfulness, and it's pretty hard to talk about these things with people who don't have experience with either. For me, it really helps me feel comfortable talking about something I actually have in common with another person. I can try to be a good listener, sure, but relatability is very important for me. If all they talk about is clubbing and partying, I mean... what do I even have in common with them at that point?
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