What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize? - Social Anxiety Forum
View Poll Results: What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize?
Anxiety 7 14.58%
Shyness 4 8.33%
Can't think of anything to say 22 45.83%
Awkwardness 5 10.42%
Discomfort with sound of voice, pattern of speech or accent 2 4.17%
Not understanding conversational cues 3 6.25%
Tuning out during conversation 5 10.42%
Voters: 48. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
I am Jack's cold sweat
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 551

What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize?


For me it's mostly anxiety but also these as well:

Can't think of anything to say
Awkwardness
Discomfort with sound of voice, pattern of speech or accent.
Tuning out during conversation


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
either/or is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 06:20 PM
alien monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 7,832
distrust

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #3 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 07:02 PM
Cooked.
 
Karsten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: New Yawk
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 9,251
Most of the time, I'm generally disinterested, but that might be due to depression. I guess I am still a bit anxious as well, but I'm much better at seeming socially fluent.

I find people much more interesting online. I've really enjoyed some of the characters I've bumped into recently.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
Karsten is online now  
 
post #4 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 08:03 PM
YAS Member
 
caelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: SoCali
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,829
There's nothing interesting going on in my life so I have nothing to really talk about which I find shameful and embarrassing. I should get some hobbies but meh, I don't care enough right now.
caelle is offline  
post #5 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 09:59 PM
A Mountain With Wings
 
Winds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: The Universe
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 2,281
Formulating my thoughts into actual words. Face to face conversations move pretty quickly and it's difficult at times for me to put what I'm thinking of feeling into sentences on the fly.

Painting moments with words never been
I stay patient
Winds is offline  
post #6 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 11:37 PM
Royally F***ed
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,666
My Mood: Brooding
My appearance (and the sound of my voice).
Fear of discrimination.
Fear of having an OCD response.

I'm not really a shy person, I'm not particularly awkward, I don't struggle with social cues, and I can generally always find something to say. I think I have a completely different set of problems from most people here.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
truant is offline  
post #7 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 12:09 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 249
My Mood: Scared
the biggest is
cant think of anything to say
awkwardness
dont understand whats goin on
lil_tails is offline  
post #8 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 01:03 PM
♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
 
tehuti88's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: At the bottom of Lake Algonquin (Michigan)
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 43
Posts: 28,211
My Mood: Crappy
Used to be having nothing to talk about/connect with other people over. Making smalltalk is tedious and doesn't make me feel connected to somebody else. But nobody wants to talk about the stuff I connect over, so, I've never been able to really connect with anyone beyond the most shallow interactions. (The main reason that psychologists' suggestion to "Go out and talk to people!" as a means to combat social anxiety was utterly idiotic and didn't address my underlying problem.)

Nowadays, though, just plain terror is the biggest obstacle. Partly due to the above, partly due to...I'm not even sure, just people disliking me for whatever reason...I've been rejected, criticized, and ridiculed in the most painful ways, over and over and over, including by the very few people I was POSITIVE I could connect with, I got such good feelings from them. God was I wrong. Nowadays the best reaction I can expect from other people is to just be ignored, but that hurts a lot, too.

Knowing that either ignoring or hostility is what I'm going to get when I try to socialize with others, I've developed almost this PTSD-like response to socializing, where all I can think of is all the bad experiences I've had before, so it's not worth it, the fear wins out. I've learned to avoid. I no longer even try.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
tehuti88 is offline  
post #9 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 01:16 PM
SAS Member
 
Barakiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Here
Language: too few
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 4,399
My Mood: Angelic
It's usually all of those except anxiety these days actually. Anyone who wants to talk with me has to be patient with pauses as I try putting my thoughts into words.
Barakiel is offline  
post #10 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 02:05 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: 3332 Station Street Oakland, CA 94606
Language: Eng.
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 14
I donít have one)
DarcyGreaves is offline  
post #11 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 02:15 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: 3332 Station Street Oakland, CA 94606
Language: Eng.
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barakiel View Post
It's usually all of those except anxiety these days actually. Anyone who wants to talk with me has to be patient with pauses as I try putting my thoughts into words.
interesting..
DarcyGreaves is offline  
post #12 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 03:00 PM
SAS Member
 
Psychoelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 95
My Mood: Sleepy
It tends to vary from person to person. I tend to be on a closer wavelength to some people than others but for the most part I generally have a hard time deciding what to say or what kind of topics they are into. I guess I get on with more excitable personalities better than 'normal' people. Im natually very shy to begin with but common interests break the ice but with everyone else I genuinely freeze up just thinking of what to talk about.

What really doesnt help is that I have a angry, unfeminine voice by default so unless I am drunk or already in a loud place I REALLY have a hard time speaking up unless I wanna scare a few peeps.
Psychoelle is offline  
post #13 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
I am Jack's cold sweat
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 551
Wow 7 people voted "Can't think of anything to say." I have the same problem. Wonder why its so common. I feel like part of the problem is I have no casual go to figures of speech or clever metaphors or anything. Like I do have things to say sometimes but am at a loss as to how to express it in a straight forward and interesting way.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
either/or is online now  
post #14 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 04:50 PM
SAS Member
 
incapaz dseguir mintiendo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 66
My main issue is with anxiety and nerves. Of course there's times I don't know what to say but that doesn't really bother me or make me more anxious and don't consider it to be the root of my disorder but one of the consequences. Was already shy before even learning to speak as a todler so quietness can't be a cause but an outcome of my shyness.
incapaz dseguir mintiendo is offline  
post #15 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 05:28 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,398
My Mood: Sleepy
Where is the "all of it" option? I selected all, but only last one counted...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #16 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 07:00 PM
lagrimas negras
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Planet Earth... I think
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,623
Anxiety.
Sometimes I can't think of anything to say and things get awkward so I get very uncomfortable. But for me it all comes down to being anxious. When my SA kicks in at a high level, my mind and thoughts goes out the window and I can't focus on anything.
Anxiety and irrational fears that I can't control are my main issues.
Also distrust. I tend to feel like people are up to no good. Just my issues though.
Posted via Mobile Device
thomasjune is offline  
post #17 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 07:10 PM
Don
Fupa King
 
Don's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 608
Primary one's for me are "can't think of anything to say" and something like "discomfort with the tone of my voice." Most of my anxiety is after, rather than before these things, which to me suggests my problem is more than SA. I would describe "can't think of anything to say" more as speech paralysis where even if something did occur to me to say, there's some sort of mental block where I can't bring myself to speak at all. 3rd on the list for me would be not understanding conversational ques.

Life's Wack
Don is online now  
post #18 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 07:50 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
Running out of things to say after about 30 seconds.
Steve Foster is offline  
post #19 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 08:50 PM
Permanently tired
 
AffinityWing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: barely livings ave.
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 1,895
My Mood: Scared
Can't think of anything to say

I know small talk is often necessary to start getting to know someone on a closer level, but I'm terrible at it. It's probably why I could never form anything beyond a superficial acquaintanceship with most people. I just end up creating awkward silences and eventually give up after having to carry the entire conversation myself.

Also, I am far behind in life experiences from my own peers so there is not much I can relate to with them. I can't talk about relationships or other things most people my age have experienced at least once, and I can't go anywhere much since I don't drive and can't afford a car (So being poor and without one is another huge obstacle).



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
AffinityWing is offline  
post #20 of 57 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 07:51 AM
SAS Member
 
RelinquishedHell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Gender: Other
Age: 30
Posts: 16,521
My Mood: Mellow
Being rejected and made fun of for being awkward
RelinquishedHell is online now  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome