What do you do to enjoy a lonely life without friends? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Well I would say music concerts actually. If you can get over the anxiety there they are a great way to lose yourself and you don't really need to go with anyone else.

I hate shopping malls so much I like watching content about their destruction lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zov7PEXdVZk

Not really but I never liked the fake/bright lighting and not a big fan of most shops.

(I mean I do like abandoned places and urban exploration though but yeah.)
I remember that video where the cops escorted them out. I thought it was weird that so many cops showed up just for that.
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post #22 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 05:43 PM
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Interesting. I used to love going to malls. In those days, malls were very popular and the atmosphere was always pleasant with people roaming around. I found it comforting to be around people who didn't know me. I have a completely different thing going on with getting lost in a crowd as opposed to being scrutinized by people who I'm gonna have to see every day.

Anyway, one of the malls I used to go to had a huge glass dome over one of the areas for people to sit and hang out. So it was natural light in many areas.
They probably vary from place to place but yeah I never liked most of them over here. When I was younger I used to like going shopping in this one area of London, or just walking around there. There are a bunch of market stalls and weird artsy shops. Well I filmed that area twice for YouTube on two separate channels, one I posted here years ago but don't want to post here now. I've posted photos before but yeah it's definitely one of the coolest areas of London if you can get over the chaos:







There's a lot of stuff just shoved in together there like:







This shop moved around the area a couple of times when I was younger it was a smaller store and then they moved to one with three levels and had sex toys in the basement lol also is like a night club inside with people sometimes dancing but also a clothes shop:









It's very like dystopian Howl's Moving Castle in areas. You can only embed 10 photos so this only really scratches the surface. Plus there's lots of stuff you can't convey in posts like most places are burning incense and stuff. I like that smell because it reminds me of there, but my mum hates it because she has a very sensitive sense of smell (I'm almost the opposite with smell.)

I guess I got burnt out on it and haven't been since I filmed a YT video there in 2014 (I think it was 2014.) Well except for concerts in the area. Also it's difficult because the people working there will try and interact with you.

I also kind of like book shops and libraries, used to like video game and music shops when I still shopped in those places.

I prefer being around crowds of strangers to the same people repeatedly though too.

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I remember that video where the cops escorted them out. I thought it was weird that so many cops showed up just for that.
Yeah that confused me too, wonder if they were there for some other reason.
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post #23 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-25-2020, 09:32 PM
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What do you do to enjoy a lonely life without friends?


I go to work and when I’m not working I’m at home. When I’m at home I write & record music otherwise I binge TV series...that basically sums up my life.

I agree with others that if you want to change things there’s nothing wrong with going to local gigs alone, you don’t have to talk to anyone just check out the bands and if you do at least there’s the music to discuss with them. Also, pets work wonders for people getting them out regularly, reducing loneliness, & working again as a conversation starter if you want to talk to strangers or meet new people. One can also travel alone as well
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post #24 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 08:08 AM
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The ugly truth is that a lot of the time I was around people I was stressed out and less happy than when I was alone. Because I'd feel like I wasn't being fun enough, cool enough, I was wondering if they actually liked me or if other people around us thought I was a loser, and so on. I had to try so much harder and it was like I couldn't exhale till I was back on my own.

But being alone all the time with no friends that care about me now still sucks. The other day I had a dream where I ran into an old friend and tried to sit by them and they told me not to because we weren't friends anymore. Not entirely sure if they'd do that in real life but still. Then today I dreamed that a different old friend was being nice to me. Which is kinda painful since that friendship doesn't really exist now. It's like, brain, just stop it, dream about a cute actress or pet dragons or something, stop reminding me of the past.

tldr; I play video games and do other distractions and tell myself that I'd be stressed if I was with others which is true.
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post #25 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 09:15 AM
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Enjoy?


I don't know how to enjoy a lonely life. I get by with distractions and goals—and while I do enjoy doing these things when I can, I can't say I'm "enjoying" life.

IMO, we're meant to be social by design. Being stuck the way I am is probably doing me more harm than good.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #26 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 12:38 PM
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I've learned english, programming (C, Pyhton, a bit of assembly and Unity), hardware and electronics, metal work (lathe, mill machine). I manage to get hobbies that doesn't require another person.
I also listen to a lot of music and watch many things on youtube;
I try to find a good side being lonely. Just keep my mind busy.

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post #27 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-26-2020, 06:58 PM
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I'm totally a weirdo. I have no friends. I don't have any pictures that capture with anyone, any places, even selfie. I don't go to any restaurant, anybody's wedding, music concert, festival, shopping mall,... any places that crowded and need someone to go with. I can't do anything that requires more one person. I'm totally freaking lonely and don't know what to do any more. Please share your story, your experience. It might help me.
In addition to having no friends, I also have no hobbies, no independence because I don’t drive and have to rely on others and no one really to talk to other than posting online and my therapist. I shop online for stuff I really don’t want or need just for something to do. I watch hockey sometimes and reruns of an older show I like but that is all...no current tv shows or movies. I also daydream. A lot. About the life I wish I had.
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post #28 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 08:59 AM
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@10k how long did learning programming take you??? Is it ongoing? Did you start from scratch?
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post #29 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 05:04 PM
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IMO, we're meant to be social by design. Being stuck the way I am is probably doing me more harm than good.
If we're meant to be social, then why we can't just do it like everyone else? That just confirms that I am mistake, because I enjoy being alone instead of socializing...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #30 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 12:08 AM

 
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post #31 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 12:56 PM
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I did try to be social. Too many "friends" has agendas. I am pretty self-sufficient, on quite a few things. A lot of people who were around were looking for something, not someone to talk to or be friend's with. They needed my things, not me. Also, I like peace and I don't enjoy drama.
I find that my interests are often different. I like doing researches, music, walking in nature.
There are a few people with whom I can connect, but materialism has taken over and bland and fake connections are not to bother with.
I can't say I don't get to feel bored and lonely, but I can try to just get busy with something and my brain forgets that I live in a parallel world to the people around me. I love what's real and there's too much fakeness and deception.
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post #32 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 08:56 PM
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@10k how long did learning programming take you??? Is it ongoing? Did you start from scratch?
You pretty much never stop learning programming. Even experienced programmers come across things they don't know. But once you learn the basics of one language well, you can easily apply that knowledge to learning a new language. I kind of think of it as if you know one romance language - e.g. Spanish. French would probably be easier for you to learn that someone who is not familiar with any romance languages due to similar sentence structure, word origins, etc.

I have a degree in computer science but I still find myself taking online courses or reading to learn more about some language or technology. I would recommend checking out resources like Udemy, Udacity, General Assembly, freeCodeCamp depending on what you're interested in. There you can check how long the courses are and get an idea of how long it'll take to learn this stuff.
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post #33 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 06:11 AM
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Originally Posted by ShotInTheDark View Post
If we're meant to be social, then why we can't just do it like everyone else? That just confirms that I am mistake, because I enjoy being alone instead of socializing...
Why are you a mistake? It's going to be a mix of both nature/nature to get to where we are. Biologically, I see us as social beings. Just as well, our genetics can plague us as disadvantaged to this "condition".

Speaking as an introvert, I clearly don't ALWAYS want to be around people. If anything, I only seek it when I "need" it.

There are times, however, when I've been jealous of others—jealous of their bonds, their ability, and their conditions. SA will affect different folk with at varying levels—sure—but I'm only human.

At some point, even I get lonely. I find it natural to want to belong or for a longing. Clearly not for everyone, but natural, it is.

If it's any consolation though, I've got my own issues regarding feeling defective. I'll probably post on that later today...

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #34 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 06:26 AM
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I can relate and have zero friends and know I never will.It's extremely depressing. I do not enjoy life at all.
At least my cat is my friend.
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post #35 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 07:50 AM
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It's generally not an absence of friends that causes me to not enjoy. It's my circumstances in general. I'm just not in a situation where anyone would want to be. If I had any friends, they'd be as miserable as I am hanging out with me.

So I focus on whatever escapism I have available to me and hope that will be enough to take me out of the harsh reality for long enough to get some relief and enjoy some of my time. Of course I'm fully aware as I'm doing this that it's all temporary. This is not going to go to a good place. But I'm beyond that. I have been beyond the ability to go anywhere good for many years and I've known it all that time and just kept doing whatever I could to create a bubble of blissful ignorance around myself that I could exist in. Because it's the only way I can exist.
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post #36 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 08:08 AM
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Giving myself projects to work on. I'm currently working on fixing up a cheap 4wd I bought to make it adventure worthy. Stuff like that is satisfying to me.
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post #37 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 09:32 AM
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I socialize with strangers, or people at work/school. I'm fairly introverted so this works relatively okay for me...but sometimes it does bother me that I have basically no friends b/c I want to do things that I know would be better with others. Like traveling.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #38 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 01:05 PM
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post #39 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 11:39 PM
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I fill up all my time with projects. I find it helps to have specific goals. (Some of mine: trying to: develop better psychotherapy, understand the mechanics of gender identity, and invent a new subgenre of fiction.) I'm always reading and thinking and writing stuff down and trying to solve different kinds of problems. I've written quite a bit of fiction, but I've been doing more research lately. I'm working on a nonfiction book.

I also watch a lot of movies and try to keep up with the more interesting shows. (But I never have enough time to watch stuff. :/ ) Plus there's my transition to think about, and learning about the experiences of other trans people on YT. And I talk to my online friend and post on here when I can.

There's never really any moment that I'm not doing something that interests me. I never get bored. I honestly never have enough time to do a fraction of the things I'd like to do. But despite that, I wouldn't say I enjoy my life. I get really lonely. I'm sad all the time. I really don't like living this way and miss having people to talk to IRL. I'm a hermit out of necessity, not preference. I just do the best I can to bury the loneliness so I don't think about it. But it's always there, gnawing away like any other kind of pain.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #40 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 01:02 AM
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I do get a bit lonely sometimes - but I think I've become much more picky about who I want in my life as I've gotten older. I still have a few old friends interstate - people I've known for a long time. Down here I spend a fair bit of time on my own - but I can always call my wife - we talk often a few times a day. She understands me completely and is very supportive. I'm very lucky to have her really - it would be a lot more lonely without her, that's for sure.
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