What do you do to enjoy a lonely life without friends? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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What do you do to enjoy a lonely life without friends?


I'm totally a weirdo. I have no friends. I don't have any pictures that capture with anyone, any places, even selfie. I don't go to any restaurant, anybody's wedding, music concert, festival, shopping mall,... any places that crowded and need someone to go with. I can't do anything that requires more one person. I'm totally freaking lonely and don't know what to do any more. Please share your story, your experience. It might help me.
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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 07:27 PM
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Well I would say music concerts actually. If you can get over the anxiety there they are a great way to lose yourself and you don't really need to go with anyone else.

I hate shopping malls so much I like watching content about their destruction lol.


Not really but I never liked the fake/bright lighting and not a big fan of most shops.

(I mean I do like abandoned places and urban exploration though but yeah.)

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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 07:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Doraemun View Post
I'm totally a weirdo. I have no friends. I don't have any pictures that capture with anyone, any places, even selfie. I don't go to any restaurant, anybody's wedding, music concert, festival, shopping mall,... any places that crowded and need someone to go with. I can't do anything that requires more one person. I'm totally freaking lonely and don't know what to do any more. Please share your story, your experience. It might help me.
I'm not going to sugar coat it for you Doraemun (you're a fan of Doraemon too, huh? He's so cute! haha) but a lonely life without friends is hard. We weren't meant for extended periods of solitude. That's just not what evolution intended for us humans. Going out by yourself might be helpful, it's good to at least get some fresh air and have a walk around. It might be helpful if you have a hobby or two that does not involve purely sedentary behavior like movies or TV. Something that really excites you. Though if you are depressed, I imagine that hardly anything might interest you, that's sort of my case right now. I used to really enjoy video games, and now it just feels like I'm using games as a means to distract myself from my negative thoughts and loneliness.

The one thing I can tell you is that you're not alone in feeling this way. Tons of people in this forum (and outside) feel just the same as you right now. It is rough right now, but it will get better. I don't have proof that it'll get better, but you have to have faith. Get out of your shell once in a while, try to meet new people... you will experience rejection, but probably also some acceptance.

And always remember, if someone rejects you, it is not because there is something wrong with you. They may have just failed to see the positive qualities in you. Even though I hardly know you, I'm sure you have many good qualities going for you, reasons that people would want to be your friend. For example, you may be kind, a good listener, perhaps even funny in a certain way.

Don't give up! We're with you all the way.
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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 08:09 PM
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mostly escapism of various kinds. reading, games, music, films/series, personal fantasies


this reduces me to a mere consumer unfortunately, except for my own fantasies of course lol. and the industries for all of those things kind of disgust me. but i only steal from them, i seldom support them at all.


in the past i took up going for very long walks, hiking a lot, going to the beach, etc etc. that's just out of my reach at the moment. but there are more wholesome solo activities available.

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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 10:44 AM
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Hey there


You are not a weirdo. Why not take a selfie by yourself? Must you have a friend to take a selfie with? Maybe that is just a desire you wish you can experience. It is understandable.



It all depend on what you want. Do you want friends or are you fine without them? It seem like you want friends. To enjoy a life alone is to be comfortable being alone. You can have the things you like such as hobbies to keep yourself busy. If you do wish to have a friend or friends you can talk to someone online who is around your local area as a starter. I was planning to do this just that I became scared knowing I would be speaking to local people online instead of someone around the world. Then there is the whole thing about meeting them in person which I am not ready to do at all due to circumstances and safety. Maybe try local friends online. Create a profile, go with people you may feel like you could click with.



Also: From my experience recently on checking out online local friendship websites I'm finding it hard to find a decent friend who are around my age group of 23-33 with me being 27. The people I seen I don't feel like I can vibe with them because I am a shy kind of person. {Not to mention having SA and hard to open up and having nothing interesting to tell people} When you are shy and quiet you tend to go with people who are like you. Even sometimes by appearances. Honestly I'm not a super model or attractive but I don't think I can have a friend that is highly attractive. I tend to aim for the average joe because I am average. The same with shyness. If one look shy that is the person I would more in likely to message. Just familiarity. I tend to judge by appearances and personality to see if I am a good fit. {It isn't nice but that is how I do it. It is like school. The popular people sticking with the popular, the nerds with the nerds, the shy with the shy etc etc.}


I hope I gave you some insight. I don't think I am much of a help. If you want friends there are options. Maybe use Social Media to your advantage with kick starting your friend search if it can be of help to you. Before people had to go out and do things to make friends which still apply to this day but Social Media can really help. Just be safe with it. And lastly you would have to be willing to go and meet them which is another scary thing all together. Until then start of slow.


Good luck.
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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 02:21 PM
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youtube. lots of youtube. it's like having friends but they're in a screen


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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 03:18 PM
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Personal interests or online communities.

I didn't have friends most of my life and have few friends now. I got through the years because I was absorbed in different things that excited me, and some could be shared with a broader anonymous community. Often I forgot I was even alone because I was so deeply distracted.

Other stopgaps are radio shows and podcasts, where you're listening to people talk in real time. Or being on Twitter where the world is blabbing constantly all at once. It helps me when my own life feels too quiet.

It is hard though. Companionship is crucial to wellbeing.
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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 03:46 PM
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I often like to go to the city and walk around. I can even enjoy getting the train or tram sometimes - I like to be amongst all the people, even if I'm not necessarily talking to them.

Going to the library, the shops etc - I often talk to people in there or people I run into in my building. Plus of course I'm on the phone often quite a few times with my wife throughout the day dealing with whatever's going on.

Other things that people said are good too - Youtube, radio, TV, movies.
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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Doraemun View Post
I'm totally a weirdo. I have no friends. I don't have any pictures that capture with anyone, any places, even selfie. I don't go to any restaurant, anybody's wedding, music concert, festival, shopping mall,... any places that crowded and need someone to go with. I can't do anything that requires more one person. I'm totally freaking lonely and don't know what to do any more. Please share your story, your experience. It might help me.
We could actually hang out. But you most likely live in a country far away from here... I am nearly in the exact same situation as you. Only a few years older. Don't even know why I still keep showing up at work.

"Rome will lose the faith and become the seat of the antichrist." ~ Our Lady of La Salette
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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 05:01 PM
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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 06:41 PM Thread Starter
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@brianlee99
I've been like this for a decade. I used to have a few friends, but all just come and go. I lost faith in friendship and don't want to push on it to make new friend or maintain it. It's hard to open my heart after a long time living like this. And it's difficult to have someone understand me, a weirdo like me, except someone in the same situation. Start a new friendship in real life is hard for me, and for people are getting old. And rejection always pulls me down, I don't want it happen again. And you have a topic that you said you feel worthless and repel everyone. I feel the same as you do.

I'm a fan of Doraemon - a Japanese manga character. He's lovely and he's a imagined friend of my childhood. I also love ct. I kiss them all the time.

I have my PS4 and sometimes I play through days without getting bored. But real life always pulls me back and I have to earn money and deal with debts.
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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
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@EndTimes

I would love to hang out with you. It easy to know each other when we are on the same boat. But I see most of people here from Europe or USA. I'm from Southeastern Asia... So far away... But you have powerful visa of Europe, Asia always in your hand. You should travel to here someday.
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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 08:49 PM
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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 10:14 PM
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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 10:16 PM
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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:07 PM
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@EndTimes

I would love to hang out with you. It easy to know each other when we are on the same boat. But I see most of people here from Europe or USA. I'm from Southeastern Asia... So far away... But you have powerful visa of Europe, Asia always in your hand. You should travel to here someday.
Yes, most on SAS are from EU or US. But non lives near the place I live. I certainly could go to Asia one day. Visa wouldn't be the problem. But I fear going to far away. I was thinking of going to Russia, St. Petersburg next month. But I don't think I will have the balls to go. Specially because I will have to travel alone.

I also think we would get along because we have the same problems. You always get better along with people who share the same struggles. The other reason is you don't need to be "ashamed" because the other is in the same situation. I was invited to go to a restaurant with other pharmacists. Only reading the invitation already made me refuse.

It says the following : "Places are limited. Notify us if you wish to attend so that we can reserve a seat for you and your partner ..."

No way I am going there and be the only one without any partner

"Rome will lose the faith and become the seat of the antichrist." ~ Our Lady of La Salette
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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:25 PM
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Trying to stay as busy as possible helps beat back those lonely feelings. The responses in this thread have been good. Like going for walks or keeping a pet. Having hobbies and entertainment like video games. Nothing can really make up for having friends though. We as SA sufferers often have no choice but to deal with a lonely life. If you're a spiritual person that can also help with feeling of emptiness.

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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Well I would say music concerts actually. If you can get over the anxiety there they are a great way to lose yourself and you don't really need to go with anyone else.

I hate shopping malls so much I like watching content about their destruction lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zov7PEXdVZk

Not really but I never liked the fake/bright lighting and not a big fan of most shops.

(I mean I do like abandoned places and urban exploration though but yeah.)
Interesting. I used to love going to malls. In those days, malls were very popular and the atmosphere was always pleasant with people roaming around. I found it comforting to be around people who didn't know me. I have a completely different thing going on with getting lost in a crowd as opposed to being scrutinized by people who I'm gonna have to see every day.

Anyway, one of the malls I used to go to had a huge glass dome over one of the areas for people to sit and hang out. So it was natural light in many areas.

/WYSD
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 01:51 PM
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Interesting. I used to love going to malls. In those days, malls were very popular and the atmosphere was always pleasant with people roaming around. I found it comforting to be around people who didn't know me. I have a completely different thing going on with getting lost in a crowd as opposed to being scrutinized by people who I'm gonna have to see every day.

Anyway, one of the malls I used to go to had a huge glass dome over one of the areas for people to sit and hang out. So it was natural light in many areas.
I'm not a fan of malls, either. It sounds like a great place to hang out even by yourself on paper. Lots of shops, food court, the architecture... but the thing that kills it for me is seeing people at their mall with their close friends, or they're all texting or calling a friend anyway so it's not like they are actually alone. It just makes me feel even more depressed and ashamed for being alone. It's like, I'd rather just have stayed at home instead of constantly being reminded of how much of a loser i am.
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 02:01 PM
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I'm not a fan of malls, either. It sounds like a great place to hang out even by yourself on paper. Lots of shops, food court, the architecture... but the thing that kills it for me is seeing people at their mall with their close friends, or they're all texting or calling a friend anyway so it's not like they are actually alone. It just makes me feel even more depressed and ashamed for being alone. It's like, I'd rather just have stayed at home instead of constantly being reminded of how much of a loser i am.
I second what you are saying. I feel exactly the same.

"Rome will lose the faith and become the seat of the antichrist." ~ Our Lady of La Salette
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