What do normal people talk about on dates and such? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 06:52 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Encore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 207

What do normal people talk about on dates and such?


I got set up on a blind date for tomorrow and I'm actually scared. We're going out to a Hookah Bar. Knowing how any kind of long public interaction goes for me I was wondering if you guys had any experience.
Encore is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 07:20 AM
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 61
I've never been on a blind date so I'm really a bit unqualified to give advice, but...

I think I'd ask some questions about their background and what they do, but try to respond to the answers a bit so it's not just an interrogation. As in, 'Oh you're studying pyschology, I read an interesting article the other day about [blah blah]'

Oh you're from [blah blah], I went there once and blah blah] happened.

If they're at all human, they'll be nervous too, so don't freak out if the conversation is a bit awkward at first.

Good luck.
ShortestRaymond is offline  
post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 09:25 AM
SAS Member
 
TheVoid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,006
You got to ask a normal person

Sorry never been on a blind date. Just not my thing
TheVoid is offline  
 
post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 10:09 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 18,907
Hmmm.. Maybe pretend your date is your sibling. You've known them all your life, it's only natural for you to be out with them and chit chatting about things.

Just keep thinking to yourself "how would I talk to (insert comfortable person here)?" and do that. Talk about anything - play off your surroundings (comment on the establishment you're in, your server, the weather, whatever).

Smile, loosen up your shoulders, unfurrow your eyebrows, and don't go into it with any expectations. And as has been mentioned already, your date will probably be nervous themselves. It's only natural.

Good luck.. Let us know how it goes.


Just Lurking is offline  
post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 01:07 PM
SAS Member
 
shyvr6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Posts: 31,311
My Mood: Bitchy
Try to get to know her of course and give detailed answers when she asks you a question. Stay away from the one word or closed ended answers. Also, ask follow up questions and when the topic is starting to get to get dry, then change the subject. Act confindent even if you aren't and try to be relaxed and have fun.
shyvr6 is offline  
post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 01:16 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 401
Quote:
Originally Posted by Encore View Post
I got set up on a blind date for tomorrow and I'm actually scared. We're going out to a Hookah Bar. Knowing how any kind of long public interaction goes for me I was wondering if you guys had any experience.
Take yourself to a restaurant alone. Sit at a table next to a couple. When you sit down at the table do not look at the couple directly but listen in on them. Take notes on what you hear.

I did this yesterday on college campus while in the cafeteria area. I deliberately sit next to groups of people and listen to what they talk about while pretending to study or read.
SaigeJones is offline  
post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 01:27 PM
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 614
Think of some interesting things about your life and rehearse talking in detail about them. Don't worry too much about them not being interesting. It doesn't matter, you have to talk about yourself- a hard lesson I'm trying to learn myself.
Solitario is offline  
post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 05:46 PM
SAS Member
 
Grim619's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Upstate NY
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Posts: 164
Whenever you are talking about something always try to elaborate. Doing that can make things turn into jokes and prolong the conversation. We all know 1 word answers are bad lol...
Not like i've been on A date or anything but I notice if someone says something to me in person and I elaborate on it even if I don't really give A crap the conversation continues.

Cool you're going to A hookah bar... Those places are really relaxing

It can't rain all the time.
Grim619 is offline  
post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2009, 06:06 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: PA, USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,799
There are a lot of different ways to approach conversation. Try getting to know what she likes, since that will give you stuff to talk about later. There's so much I could say that I'm not sure where to start. Expect things to be awkward at first, since the two of you don't really know one another. And if you give your opinion and she doesn't say anything back right away, don't get too stressed about it, as she'll probably just be contemplating what she's going to say next as well.
sanspants08 is offline  
post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 02:35 AM
SAS Member
 
OrganizedChaos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Portland, OR
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 104
Well, when you first meet, never spark a conversation talking about something that is serious or intense. Just start off casual... such as whats in the environment, how they look, what they're wearing, etc.. And if you can, wordplay is perfect. So sometimes you don't have to talk about any particular subject at all, just play around with the conversation a bit.
OrganizedChaos is offline  
post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 11:31 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: gulf coast. somewhere in there
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 545
Be friendly, casual, and inquisitive. Ask a lot of questions. Show some interest. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I would be excited if I were you.
flapjacker is offline  
post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 04:04 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Posts: 6,814
Act like you normally would. Don't worry about what to say because most the time all that stuff comes naturally. If it doesn't come naturually to you then either you or your date aren't getting to know eachother more, in which you simply ask questions about eachother.

It's really that simple. Sometimes you don't have to speak a word and they still want to hangout with you next time. That's something I'm learning myself. It dosen't matter how you act or what you say as long as your polite and kind. It's not in your hands whether or not THEY decide to hangout again. So just focus on spending time together, having fun and next time you feel like hanging out give them a call. If they don't go then they don't go but I'm sure it's not because of you.
bsd3355 is offline  
post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 04:10 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Posts: 6,814
The most logical and simplest advise I could give anyone is to look at the situation as your getting to know someone. Next time you hangout look at it the same way. SA or not, you will build a bond if you spend time together. It's best to try and get to know the person 1-on-1 basis without others because it'll increase the bonding faster. Building bonds and getting to know eachother takes time but the more time spent together the stronger it becomes. Eventually, if both are participating it just happens and you become friends.

Plus, it's a given that if the person hangs out with you all the time they want to so what else do you have to worry about?
bsd3355 is offline  
post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 04:43 PM
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 614
...and one more thing: don't "just be yourself".
Solitario is offline  
post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 04:49 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Houston, Tx
Gender: Male
Posts: 82
Interested is interesting. Just ask questions about them and seem genuinely interested and more than likely they will return the sentiment. Be cool though.
PrawnConnery is offline  
post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 07:58 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Encore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 207
Thanks for the advice. I like her a lot. Can't wait to take her out again if possible.
Encore is offline  
post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 08:27 PM
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Encore View Post
Thanks for the advice. I like her a lot. Can't wait to take her out again if possible.
After all that advice and that's all you're gonna tell us?
Solitario is offline  
post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2009, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Encore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 207
lol... Shes beautiful, I don't know why I couldn't tell her that. I like her but its hard for me to express it. It was kind of weird tho. Maybe she was a little bored at some points or maybe we're just feeling each other out. I'm trying to learn how to express certain things but it was great seeing that Im not so abnormal after all. I felt comfortable sometimes I get to rambling but over all it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
Encore is offline  
post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-15-2009, 02:24 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Encore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 207
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShortestRaymond View Post
I've never been on a blind date so I'm really a bit unqualified to give advice, but...

I think I'd ask some questions about their background and what they do, but try to respond to the answers a bit so it's not just an interrogation. As in, 'Oh you're studying pyschology, I read an interesting article the other day about [blah blah]'

Oh you're from [blah blah], I went there once and blah blah] happened.

If they're at all human, they'll be nervous too, so don't freak out if the conversation is a bit awkward at first.

Good luck.
It was kind of stilted but I get the point. I think normally I let that [blah blah] kill me. She seemed like the person with SA a little bit. I'd like to read that article if you by chance have a link.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheVoid View Post
You got to ask a normal person

Sorry never been on a blind date. Just not my thing
lol badump... tsk....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Lurking View Post
Hmmm.. Maybe pretend your date is your sibling. You've known them all your life, it's only natural for you to be out with them and chit chatting about things.

Just keep thinking to yourself "how would I talk to (insert comfortable person here)?" and do that. Talk about anything - play off your surroundings (comment on the establishment you're in, your server, the weather, whatever).

Smile, loosen up your shoulders, unfurrow your eyebrows, and don't go into it with any expectations. And as has been mentioned already, your date will probably be nervous themselves. It's only natural.

Good luck.. Let us know how it goes.
The only female I have like that is my mother lol. The whole natural nervousness thing really was true though, Thanks for the advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6 View Post
Try to get to know her of course and give detailed answers when she asks you a question. Stay away from the one word or closed ended answers. Also, ask follow up questions and when the topic is starting to get to get dry, then change the subject. Act confindent even if you aren't and try to be relaxed and have fun.
Im not used to acting confident all the time but its something I'll practice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SaigeJones View Post
Take yourself to a restaurant alone. Sit at a table next to a couple. When you sit down at the table do not look at the couple directly but listen in on them. Take notes on what you hear.

I did this yesterday on college campus while in the cafeteria area. I deliberately sit next to groups of people and listen to what they talk about while pretending to study or read.
This is brilliant. Im gonna go do this today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solitario View Post
Think of some interesting things about your life and rehearse talking in detail about them. Don't worry too much about them not being interesting. It doesn't matter, you have to talk about yourself- a hard lesson I'm trying to learn myself.
I tried to use detail and feeling to describe my mundane life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grim619 View Post
Whenever you are talking about something always try to elaborate. Doing that can make things turn into jokes and prolong the conversation. We all know 1 word answers are bad lol...
Not like i've been on A date or anything but I notice if someone says something to me in person and I elaborate on it even if I don't really give A crap the conversation continues.

Cool you're going to A hookah bar... Those places are really relaxing
Hookah was great. Definately something i want to do again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sanspants08 View Post
There are a lot of different ways to approach conversation. Try getting to know what she likes, since that will give you stuff to talk about later. There's so much I could say that I'm not sure where to start. Expect things to be awkward at first, since the two of you don't really know one another. And if you give your opinion and she doesn't say anything back right away, don't get too stressed about it, as she'll probably just be contemplating what she's going to say next as well.
I learned to be more comfortable with silence. I don't think you can hold nonstop convo for 2 hours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrganizedChaos View Post
Well, when you first meet, never spark a conversation talking about something that is serious or intense. Just start off casual... such as whats in the environment, how they look, what they're wearing, etc.. And if you can, wordplay is perfect. So sometimes you don't have to talk about any particular subject at all, just play around with the conversation a bit.
I like the idea of word play. Im going to practice simple conversation with people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjacker View Post
Be friendly, casual, and inquisitive. Ask a lot of questions. Show some interest. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I would be excited if I were you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by bwidger85 View Post
The most logical and simplest advise I could give anyone is to look at the situation as your getting to know someone. Next time you hangout look at it the same way. SA or not, you will build a bond if you spend time together. It's best to try and get to know the person 1-on-1 basis without others because it'll increase the bonding faster. Building bonds and getting to know eachother takes time but the more time spent together the stronger it becomes. Eventually, if both are participating it just happens and you become friends.

Plus, it's a given that if the person hangs out with you all the time they want to so what else do you have to worry about?
Sometimes it takes time sometimes its instant but I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Solitario View Post
...and one more thing: don't "just be yourself".
Im always meself but I agree. I cant let SA cripple me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrawnConnery View Post
Interested is interesting. Just ask questions about them and seem genuinely interested and more than likely they will return the sentiment. Be cool though.
Thanks listening improves the conversation triple fold.
Encore is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why can I be normal around some people?? 5655 Coping With Social Anxiety 7 07-10-2011 09:14 PM
Normal People... HOW DO THEY DO IT? raspectre School and Studying 8 04-08-2010 12:10 AM
People with SA are blind: We don't see what normal people see ItemEleven Frustration 30 02-06-2010 02:58 AM
How do you talk about the normal stuff we talk about here in real life? Classified Coping With Social Anxiety 2 12-28-2009 07:43 PM
Is it normal to have nothing to talk about? ricemike Relationships 4 11-03-2006 12:28 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome