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What are some things you had to learn the hard way?

3K views 42 replies 30 participants last post by  iAmCodeMonkey 
#1 ·
Well, they say there's never anything new and this thread has probably been done before. I meant to post it yesterday and a few days ago and sometime last week and a month ago and many times before that. And I might have even actually posted this exact thread before and just didn't see it because I knew if I took the time to look through all my previous threads, I'd get distracted with something else and forget what I was gonna post.

So...question/topic is as stated. I can't count the number of times I have had to learn the hard way because I thought I knew everything and really (really) didn't. I also don't read directions and do everything wrong and then wonder why. I don't read user agreements and don't know what I signed up for.

I often just keep making the same old mistakes over and over and never learn. :lol

I hate it when I know something bad is gonna happen but I ignore my instincts and it does and I get mad because it happened even though I knew it was gonna happen and I didn't do whatever I should have done to make it not happen. Like spilling hot coffee all over my desk because I sat the cup on the edge of the coaster and it turned over. Or when I'm chopping something with a sharp knife and I know I'm gonna get cut but I push my luck and it happens. I can't be mad at myself because who does that? So I get mad at the knife and call it a "Stupid POS!"

I eat things that don't agree with me and then wonder why I did that. And then I do it again and wonder why I did that again. And so on and so forth.
 
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#3 ·
!

Nothing in life is free.

Even if this something doesn't have monetary value or cost, everything in life has a cost. It just isn't always tangible.

I tend to agree with Thomas Hobbes on things about us human folk. :)
 
#5 ·
-I learn the hard way with friendships. People are not going to stick around. A true friend is going to check up on you. Those that stick around. I'm finding out that people can come and go out of your life. Your truest one will stay. Sadly people take these people for granted.


-Going back to people that hurt me emotionally. I'm usually that loyal friend that stick around. Would rather talk it out. Still care. I'm tired of this. It takes too many mental blows for me to "get it." To leave people alone for good. Nobody want peace.


-Make the most out of life. Life is short. I'm 27 years old. Time to really ask myself what do I truly want in life. What is important to me. A life purpose won't come to you. You have to create it and go after it. I have big ideas and yet I'm not going after it. As a result I don't have anything.
 
#7 ·
-I learn the hard way with friendships. People are not going to stick around. A true friend is going to check up on you. Those that stick around. I'm finding out that people can come and go out of your life. Your truest one will stay. Sadly people take these people for granted.

-Going back to people that hurt me emotionally. I'm usually that loyal friend that stick around. Would rather talk it out. Still care. I'm tired of this. It takes too many mental blows for me to "get it." To leave people alone for good. Nobody want peace.

-Make the most out of life. Life is short. I'm 27 years old. Time to really ask myself what do I truly want in life. What is important to me. A life purpose won't come to you. You have to create it and go after it. I have big ideas and yet I'm not going after it. As a result I don't have anything.
Hmm...Are you my twin? :con
 
#9 ·
That language feels pretty useless when it comes to communicating with people.

That I'm the cause of most of my problems.
Definitely that one.
 
#11 ·
have i learned anything?

i guess i learned how to survive on my own as someone that hardly talks, has different values from most, routinely discriminated against, etc (in other words, as a minority).

learned the various weaknesses of supposedly healthy, normal people and that human value isn't diminished by merely having a difficult life/problems etc. struggle produces value.

having values/spirituality/morals is something i had to claw at and collect without guidance.

friendship is also a hard one. how to put aside people's failings and my failings. eh i can't quite do that.

the pain/complexity of relationships, that people are after things which are hard to understand. status anxiety, money, etc etc. that my feelings go up and down, that i blame my partner (when i have one) for my failings, various relationship things. etc

learning to find the beauty in every day. seems like I went through all those years disconnected from even simple pleasures. also how to not get overwhelmed by guilt and other emotions till they sweep me away. I guess that's about staying in the moment.

 
#14 ·
Karma doesn't exist. Good things happen to bad people and vice-versa, and often there is no justice. I realized this when I was 18 or 19, and it actually made me become atheist.

You can do everything right and still lose. Hard work does not always pay off - Luck, genetics, and the kind of family/social environment you are born into all play a much larger role than we want to acknowledge. I think the best thing you can do if you have bad genes and are mired in intergenerational poverty, is to stop reproducing and end the cycle... Watching the movie Parasite only affirmed this for me. If you were the parents in the Kim family (the poor one), how the fck could you justify having kids as they had? You know you are dooming them to a difficult and disadvantaged life, and yet you still decided to birth them. Why?
 
#18 ·
Karma doesn't exist. Good things happen to bad people and vice-versa, and often there is no justice. I realized this when I was 18 or 19, and it actually made me become atheist.

You can do everything right and still lose. Hard work does not always pay off - Luck, genetics, and the kind of family/social environment you are born into all play a much larger role than we want to acknowledge.
As a fellow atheist I agree with you a great deal.

People are cruel and will be cruel and abusive to you just to make themselves feel good and there is no God that will provide justice and even the score for you.

And like you said a lot of life is completely out of your control. You don't choose your parents, the time and place your born into and your genetics to a great extent control the way you look and your personality. Some people win the generic lottery. Born with movie star good looks and outgoing personality people love being around.

So you have to play the hand your dealt in life the best you can. I kind of see life like a poker game or a game of blackjack. You can be dealt some bad cards but if you play them right you can still have a chance to win!
 
#15 ·
Bee in mouth = bad.
 
#17 ·
Follow up on your promises, but don't give them out to just anybody. Don't display your vulnerability for anyone to take and twist around as they please. Nobody nor anything will save you from yourself (ex; religion, fairy tales). Any good or bad thing shouldn't be taken for granted since the good fleets and the bad can be 'better' when realizing that things can get worse. Don't accommodate nor expect from anyone, especially if you aren't meant for it. Laugh, otherwise if you start crying you might not stop.


All I can think of right now.
 
#21 ·
Pretty much most of the motivational/inspirational quotes you see.

Reality is tough, brutal, unfair, and it sucks. Those quotes mostly ignorant and are living in la la land. Or they're just telling you what you want to hear in order to profit off of you.

"Treat others the way you want to be treated" is something I fell victim to the most and repeatedly. :(
 
#22 ·
That life is what it is. We're put here, we do what we do, then we die. In the end, nothing really matters. So do what you want, while you can.

And, a cliche it may be, but the outside world mirrors your inner self. Being more confident and outgoing with people will change the way people view you and respond to you.

That last point is something I've experienced since being on a medication that has controlled my SA to the extent that I'm free to act the way I want around people.

When your inner world shifts, you'll notice the world around you changes, too.
 
#23 ·
I would say that anything of any value that I've learned was very difficult. It's just how life is - learning how to deal with growing up, leaving home, getting girlfriends, breaking up with girlfriends, dealing with friendships, getting married and learning to live with another human being in that situation, having a son - that would be easily the hardest, learning to deal with everything that involves - the list is endless.

Most things in life aren't easy - it's usually bloody hard.
 
#33 ·
"Just be yourself" is as likely to make people hate you as like you. More often, ime.

There isn't someone for everyone. Some people are undateable.

Standing up for yourself often makes things worse, not better. (The more I stood up to my bullies, the more numerous and violent they became.)

You can't change peoples minds just because you have a better argument and facts on your side. People can find a way to believe anything they want.

Most people give terrible, useless, and sometimes dangerous advice. Doctors included.

No one actually knows how you should live your life. But most people think they know and are happy to tell you.
 
#34 ·
You can't change peoples minds just because you have a better argument and facts on your side. People can find a way to believe anything they want.
This is (generally) true and probably good advice to people who are substantially stressed by arguing with others (it is often a waste of energy and health to spend your time arguing with stubborn people). But people do sometimes change their minds eventually. But it will usually take hard lessons and honest reflection for them to see their mistakes. And especially for them to admit them. But many people never change. That's true.
 
#35 ·
"Your attempts to conciliate your duality will only bring you pain and suffering."

https://www.culledculture.com/chilling-adventures-of-sabrina/

(I also started watching this show recently and found that quote was a good way of summing it up.)

Tbh I was never intending to watch this show (because the original wasn't that great despite being about witches and I was informed that talking Salem would not return,) but weirdly even my brother has been watching it because he brought it up and was like 'I never thought I'd like it because it's about a 16 year old girl but actually it's good.' I had really low expectations for it but just randomly decided to watch it after I ran out of other episodes of stuff that doesn't require complete focus to watch, and saw it there on this streaming site. They seem to have split Salem into two characters though lol. I guess it's like Buffy but without the same group dynamic (but I'm only several episodes in so far.) But yeah that makes it a lot better than the original so far.
 
#36 ·
I rarely learn anything the hard way. I hold my middle finger up to hard ways in general.... which only encourages more hard ways to come my way. I've been in some pretty ****ing hard ways but they don't seem to have a lasting effect in terms of teaching me a lesson. :blank
 
#38 ·
Speaking for myself personally -

1. The way things seem is not always the way things are and how much you know can drastically alter your perception of reality. (I mean that's probably obvious for most people but I had to learn it the hard way)

2. I have occasionally (maybe often) assumed that certain people were bad people because I did not understand why they did what they did. I have (somewhat) learned to listen more and judge less.
 
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