What are every single SA core beliefs you have? throw them all! you might even find a core belief you didn't know know you have. If you don't know how to find your core beliefs look up "cbt laddering technique" excersise to find your core beliefs.
- people get socially uncomfortable from me when i'm anxious
- people don't like me
- i make people socially uncomfortable
- i make people get into awkward situations with me
- other people have no interest in me
- I'm seen as strange/weird
- my presence is not enjoyable to people
- I am incapable of forming meaningful connections to people
- I am not worthy of love or acceptance
- I'm a nuisance to people
- everything I say and do is painfully awkward
After working on laddering to identify my core beliefs. I learned my SA all boils down to i think i'm low (not good enough) or unworthy basically me not liking myself. This made me realize this isn't true because we are metaphysical and abstract. I wrote down things i like about myself and realize i'm actually a likeable person after.
What i do now is keep on paying attention to my likeable traits and grow my affinity towards them by seeing proof constantly like if people laugh at my joke or mild progress i make with my intellectual traits.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF
- smart and highly creative
- extroverted eventhough my SA made it seem like i'm introverted. I tought i was an introvert for the longest time.
- naturally great in business
- very approachable eventhough i'm tall. I have a nice energy
The reason you don't like yourself is becuase you're paying attention too much the negative traits and identified yourself with them. What makes you "you" is what you want to be
^ that's great,
. Glad you've gotten some benefit from it.
These go beyond SA, obv:
- I make other people uncomfortable (because of the kind of person I am)
- most people do not understand/relate to me (because of the kind of person I am)
- some people are afraid of me (because of the kind of person I am)
- many people don't like me (because of the kind of person I am)
- some people want to hurt me (because of the kind of person I am)
- people are unpredictable
- some people are dangerous (to a person like me) and I can't tell who is just by looking
- I can't rely on support/assistance from other people, I have to solve my problems on my own
- I'm ugly
- I'm a freak
- I undateable/will probably never have another relationship
- I'm essentially unemployable
- I have usually disappointed the people who care about me
- it's better for other people if they don't get attached
This is a rant, so feel free to skip it:
One final belief:
- it would be better for myself, and for other people overall, if I were dead
I know the point of CBT is to demonstrate that these beliefs aren't objectively true, but I think for the most part they are. (We can quibble a bit, but there's little effective difference between speaking in absolutes and speaking in terms of something being almost certainly true. If I'm unlikely to experience the opposite of a core belief, then the belief is effectively true even if it's not absolutely true.) You'll note, also, that I use modifiers like "many" and "some".
I think core beliefs are often effectively true for some people (ie. in the sense that the belief is unlikely to be disconfirmed through exposure therapy) because the person is objectively different in a way which produces the effects they experience that lead to the core belief (eg. they're not neurotypical, they're physically different/part of a visible minority). That's one of my objections to conventional CBT (and one of the reasons it often doesn't work).
I do think it's a good idea for people to eliminate irrational beliefs when they do have them, however, because they are quite common, and I have eliminated some of mine (ones that were not objectively/probabilistically true, like "I don't deserve love", which, imo, is never true). So I still encourage people to try/use CBT. I just think some people need more than that.
The focus of my own therapy research has been on how to adapt to environments in which negative conditions like the ones I listed above are true (ie. on increasing resilience). Example: Given that most people will be made uncomfortable by my presence, what's the most adaptive way to respond? I don't think it's realistic to operate therapeutically from the fiction that we are all basically "just like everyone else". That doesn't work very well for people at the extreme ends of the bell curve (who are often the ones most in need of effective therapy).
i choose to think of these as core facts rather than core beliefs:
• no social skills
• always makes mistakes
• can't relate to others
• makes others uncomfortable
• unable to form connections or relationships
That actually looks like a good video - I'm going to try and watch it later.
I know I need to try and challenge some of the beliefs I have about myself. In my case I know for a fact that if I just give myself a chance people usually like me - I tend to hide away and self-sabotage as I think the lady said in that video. (I only watched the start though)
The anxiety itself makes things very difficult though.
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
hmm here's some:
If I let people get close they will try to control me (also even if I don't but basically it's proportional, have to keep people as distanced as possible.)
Everyone is trying to force me to be someone I don't want to be, and nobody sees me the way I see myself.
My existence doesn't matter to other people only what they want me to be.
I could be more specific about some things, but I don't want to.
and then lots of thoughts of people viewing me in various negative ways like being childlike etc. Which again is usually true until people get to know certain things about me/my attitude.
+ knowing people like me are seen as losers etc and that I can't get close to people for this reason as well, unless they're similar to me in certain ways.
edit: I also often assume people dislike me, I'm surprised when they don't (or don't seem to,) and I often think people are just being polite if they're nice to me.
I usually identify with people others express a dislike for, and then if they don't express similar feelings to me I get confused and I don't trust them. Although in a lot of cases it's because they don't really know me.
Originally Posted by YouTube comment
Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.
People see me as stiff and serious
People find me uncomfortable to be around
I m always only going to be able to make friends if at all with other SAers, which isn't true because I mess up friendships even with other SA people
Everyone finds me boring and too normal
I m too awkward to be around other people
I'll never be able to have a relationship if at all with someone who's not SA (I've had to SA girlfriends) I think I would still be a virgin if it hadn't been for them)
Socially I'll never be able to talk to people the way people in my family or friends I had can.
people are out to get me
i will hurt people
no one likes me
i cant remember thing
people think am a idiot
i hard work and needy
What I like about myself
-I am smart
-I am a hard worker, I am dedicated to my work
-I genuinely care about my work.
-I have decent ability in playing the guitar.
-I'm good at karaoke
-I exercise a lot and think maybe my body looks good ? maybe....
What I don't like
-I'm apparently still too boring to hold a woman's attention
-Which leads to a whole bunch of self doubt issues.
-Married life is a big deal to me, and since that looks like its going down the drain all the positives I mentioned above seem less important.
- People are staring at me
- People always want to laugh at me
- I can't talk to this person because they will just judge me negatively and not like me
- I'm going to continue letting x do y, no matter how much I don't like it, rather than stand up for myself, because I will just cause an argument and make them resent me.
- I'm boring, strange, and unattractive
"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."
"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."