Unable to let go-getting worse - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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Unable to let go-getting worse

This was improving some years ago and I thought it would get better as I aged but it hasn't, in fact it has only gotten worse. I simply can't forget about conflicts that I've been having with people. It keeps running through my head over and over again. Spiking my SA stressing me out. Yet when I'm actually with those individuals, it's mostly fine. That's when I see my grudges and worries are mostly nonsensical.

I really don't know how to deal with it anymore. Maybe I'm destined for a lifetime of this mess. It's horrible.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-01-2021, 04:57 PM
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I have the same issue. It's mostly fine when you see them because certainly you don't want to look too much like the puzzy face.

Forgive and forget is generally what most sensible people tell you to do. However, there are toxic people and major events that no matter how much you try, the old wounds keep regurgitating not matter how much your try to move on.

It does take time to get over certain things, no?, and in certain cases years if not decades may be the time needed to get over it.

In some cases, I also feel the reverse of GUILT, and amazingly that is similar to resentment and is difficult to erode with time as well.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-04-2021, 06:17 PM
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I also ruminate for years about conflict and embarassing events I have experienced. This rumination is why I am so avoidant of others. The shame I feel during the rumination is agony.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-04-2021, 10:42 PM
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Are you taking any active steps to make it better?

I found my SA only got worse and it only turned around when I sought help.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-05-2021, 03:26 AM
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This is common, especially for people with anxiety. Also for people who are consistently on the receiving end of people holding grudges. I'm bad at this too.

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-05-2021, 07:34 PM
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Would talking to someone about it help? I know it's not much help sometimes even when you do talk about it. I had a recent experience with a car accident that consumed me for a solid 2 months and when talking to someone about it, they sort of phrased it in a humorous way. Actually indirectly pointing out that I'd been fuming for so damn long and could possibly be whiny about it now. Or perhaps I should complain even more.

Its good to gain space from what bothers you even if it means someone rephrasing it though it's not often that it happens. Ever since quarantine, it's all too easy to fume with the time spent alone. Hopefully, you gain some space, some perspective about all this.
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