Many times I wasn't or am not. It depends on the day too that I'm asked. Today I am because the weather is nice and I think the meds might be working. But there are/were definitely times where I was not happy to be here. It sucked.
I WANT to live on a fundamental level (because the human mind is hardwired to survive above all else) but I am not particularly happy about my existence. It would be more accurate to say I wish I had never existed. I want to live but if I'm being honest, I'm not really having a good time and there are many circumstances in my life that make me utterly miserable at least as often as I'm happy.
But I mean, when I do have good times when I can forget all the bad stuff (temporarily) they are nice. It's just that the bad stuff is always gonna come back and it's the kind of stuff that is eventually going to not be able to be "kicked down the road" (so to speak) anymore. Eventually, it's gonna be time to pay the piper and I'm broke (in more ways than one).
Pretty much the same still (figured I'd update since sometimes my moods change drastically in a month or so).
Not particularly keen on the thought of experiencing the process of dying so I don't want to die. I'm just not in a good place as a living creature and can't see any acceptable future for myself as something that could possibly happen. So I am obviously living in constant anxiety over that and many other things. Which isn't a happy place.
No, every day is low-level torment. If I had an easy, reliable way out I would have taken it years ago and on almost any given day since. I expect it to get worse, not better, as I get older and my health deteriorates. There's no magic bullet to fix things, either - I envy those posters who fixate on one thing like virginity or their hairline. No, my issues are with the world - I hate it for so many reasons along with almost everyone in it, myself included. I'm outraged that I was even born, I never asked to be here and I'm not given a way to leave. I'm supposed to bear this existence while my mind unravels and my body rots to the point of shutting down.
Not really. It’s not like anything useful is happening in my life. I’m pretty much disabled according to society except for the fact that I’m more or less functional on paper.
According to research people tend to choose pain over boredom and that's pretty much how I view my existence choosing pain over the boredom of non existence.
Interesting, one man pushed the button 190 times "I'm not sure what was up with him" Prof Wilson said :spit
Existence in general is pain though, the 3 most common things most of us have to do at some point for an easier life are painful ie: school, work & exercise & that's even without relationships, accidents, disease, mental illness, murder, rape etc the list is endless.
So in my opinion it's easier to see why people would choose pain over boredom cause that's the point.
Thank you, that is incredibly kind of you to say, I appreciate having everyone from SAS here as well. This is the only place left online that I actually talk with people.
At times, absolutely not happy to be alive, and I ask myself why keep sticking around then? But other times, calmer times, I do have moments when, yes, I can say I feel something akin to happiness. It's pretty fleeting but it shows me happiness is possible.
I have no experience of not being alive, but sure, it is better to be than not to be. It's not that every day is a merry-go-round but we always can have something pleasant like a cup of coffee.
Yes. Its better then the alternative. But this has been a challenging and difficult life for me in many ways. Some do to bad choices I made and others just to I was not dealt a good hand in life with my genetics and family I was born into.
But I can still have fun and find joy on occasion and that is enough to keep me going everyday
Much as I complain about my life, my looks, my relationship status, my family life, my personality, I m happy to have life. Is it the life with a wife, a job, a house ? or a mansion, two dogs, days spent on the beach? No, but its a life, imperfect and boring as it is, its a life. Do I sometimes wish I was alive as someone else sure but I'm Chad and this is the life I have and it could be alot worse.
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