Do you ever watch someone make a fool of themself on a reality show, upsetting others, and frustratedly think, "how can they not realise what they're saying??". It strikes me that I probably do these kind of things all the time, and its what leads to a lot of the problems I have with alienating people.

Something I've had going around in my mind forever is, how do I come across to others? Sometimes I veer from being super-aware of how I'm behaving and tryig to control it, and other times I just don't care. With both situations I can experience negative reactions, though more with the former.

I would love someone to follow me around with a hidden camera so that I can watch it back and see how I come across to people, and maybe learn from my mistakes. I have tried it with a dictaphone (I know about privacy laws - I didn't break any, honest!!) but it doesnt bring out the facial expressions and body language.

Using the dictaphone gave me a more detached view of myself. I did learn that I'm very 'concrete' - I don't tend to flow with a conversation and can kill the moment by rigidly focusing on one topic or trying to 'be right'. Sometimes I sound pretentious or stuck up. I've been trying to correct this, but I know it happens when I'm experiencing SA, like an automatic reaction.

Anyone else tried this? I guess this kind of feedback is the type that people without SA probably get from other people.

The video might make for painful viewing but it may also be very informative. Anyone in Aberdeen, Scotland with a video camera and time on their hands??

Ross

Does that mean you won't come and film me?



Ross

Thats ok, just use the 'zoom' button.



Ross

I've always been the type who wanted to be right or prove my point, or be witty or a one upper. If I took a step back i'd probably find myself to be self centered and a bit arrogant. I would never want to see myself on film, i'd cringe. I'm learning that socializing is more about going with the flow, blending, staying on the surface and being positive. Just trying to stay conscious of not being a devils advocate or getting too philosophical, when just chit chatting.

Wow I do this all the time, and yeah I know I lose people when I do it. I once had a psychometric profile done of me that came up with "candidate is likely to take a contrary stance to team opinion - likes to go against the flow". I realised its true, but I have no idea why I do it.

I guess I'm just a contrary kind of guy.

Ross

Alot of the time, I'll say something to someone and it'll come off the wrong way. Almost, in a mean way even though I had no intention. Alot of the time people will say stuff to me like "I'm just joking with ya" when I'm fully aware of it, I guess the looks on my face and my reaction makes them think I can't take a joke. My father says that I'm always "debating" everything with him like I have to win or something. Even though I don't intentionally do this, he's right but its too late to realize it once I've said what I've said.