The stress of having friends! - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 322

The stress of having friends!


Inspired by that thread "the stress of having no friends" I have the opposite. Friends wanting to meet up for a drink of dinner or anything else. I hate it, if they decided to ignore me for the rest of my life I would be perfectly ok with it. Now as it is it only happens about 5 times a year that they want to socialize because they actually have a busy life (unlike me) but even that is still too much for me. I always look for excuses not to go. I feel very anxious for days before the meeting happens (probably because they accomplished so much and I'm one who compares all the time)

They are really good friends though, I've known them since high school and I'm way past school but I just don't feel like seeing them...ever. In my opinion we've grown too much apart, they have kids and a wife, I still live with my parents jobless. I've got literally nothing to talk about, except for the past which I rather forget because I'm very nostalgic and it brings me down regularly.
Back in the school days I had fun because we were all equal, we were all students but once I graduated the feel good life evaporated , they grew up, got goals and ambition and I left standing on the spot trying to figure out what I like/dislike. I found literally nothing to go for.
For me life has nothing to offer and I keep that for myself because if I opened up about that I think they would try to get me in therapy or something. I don't want therapy, I don't think it can be helped that I think the way I think. I just got born unlucky and I patiently wait till I'm old.

I feel very very uncomfortable in public especially when I'm with someone else, I had hoped by now that they would have given up contacting me but alas. I often fantasize of living on a remote Island all by myself.

Wanted this of my chest because they texted me to meet up so the anxiety is kicking in. I already excused myself though but knowing them they can't take no for an answer...

Who can relate?
conantheworthless is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 08:06 PM
SAS Member
 
Courage777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: California
Language: English, español, 日本語(少し)
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 28
My Mood: Inspired
I saw your title and I immediately clicked on it. I don't hang out often with my college friends. When I do I've started to feel uncomfortable because I've felt they've taken advantage of me. I'm always the one driving up to them (they live about 30 miles away) and will not drive to me, telling me it's too far. So in that respect I am frustrated. I am working on myself right, caring more about myself, me me me me. I'm starting to learn to appreciate who I am and what I have (even if it's not much). In your post I hear resignation and self-pity. That also frustrates me because it reminds me of me. I too feel that sometimes, but I'm trying to work towards getting out of here. It's never too late to make that shift. It doesn't matter how long it takes, I want to keep striving. No matter how many times I fall.
Courage777 is offline  
post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 04:29 AM
In Liquidation
 
Blue Dino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,095
From what I've learned... you are only as good as a friend as you are looked up to and respected by them.


Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
Blue Dino is offline  
 
post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 03:23 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 2
Angry

me too its really hard


im 16 im at high school like you but i dint know a lot of people in my school but actually yes i know them all but the problem is that im always afraid of talking to peolple maybe cause i dont have enough self confidence to talk.
I ve been through a lot of humiliation and judgments when i was a child and even now Im always afraid of what people thiink of me cause yeah they made me be like that they always humiliates and called me names because of my appearence which i emproved a lot these period and I think that im so pretty and i ve got a good face but thats not enough there is something in my mind holding me from alking to people and making relationships and freinds.I cant forget my past and my very sad childhood full of humiliation.
No one know me is offline  
post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 05:40 PM
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,716
OP, I know how stressful friend can be but hold on to them. One day you will need them and you will be glad you still have them. Meeting up once in a while is an investment really. Try to see it that way.
Lisa is offline  
post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 322
I don't know, you are probably right but the bad feeling I have for days afterwards isn't worth it. I mean meeting friends should be fun, for me it's not fun I feel like a loser afterwards. My negative thoughts have completely taken over my brain. In a way I think those friends have already given up on me, like my parents have, I can't blame them I just don't make any progress at all. I'm not even trying, I just wait all day to go to sleep rinse and repeat. My motivation is totally shot.

36 years old... unbelievably depressing, I deserve what I'm going through, I have done nothing to try to become a self sufficient healthy optimistic person.
conantheworthless is offline  
post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 10:23 PM
SAS Member
 
Shy extrovert's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 283
I love my friends but sometimes there is the stress of thinking no one listens. It's more a problem I used to have and I may even be guilty of this and not know. When friends go on for 40 mins of what should be a 5 minute story that is all about their experiences and when you have a cool idea that you just gotta share and they seem distracted and distant when you want to share
Shy extrovert is offline  
post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 02:00 AM
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,716
Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I don't know, you are probably right but the bad feeling I have for days afterwards isn't worth it. I mean meeting friends should be fun, for me it's not fun I feel like a loser afterwards. My negative thoughts have completely taken over my brain. In a way I think those friends have already given up on me, like my parents have, I can't blame them I just don't make any progress at all. I'm not even trying, I just wait all day to go to sleep rinse and repeat. My motivation is totally shot.

36 years old... unbelievably depressing, I deserve what I'm going through, I have done nothing to try to become a self sufficient healthy optimistic person.
No one deserves what you go through. And most people never do anything to get better. They don't have to (by luck) and they probably couldn't endure what you go through. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Lisa is offline  
post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 03:03 AM
SAS Member
 
Harveykinkle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Greendale
Posts: 201
I wasn't like my other friends and I always knew it. They could be together a week and feel relaxed and happy. For me even the best of times were a mixed bag. The anxiety always held me back or caused me to stutter. Because of that there was a relief in being alone again. Like I could finally breathe. It sounds awful but the thing is that it wasn't about them, just my own personal limitations and problems.

There's no way to explain that to people. You feel bad for how you make them feel while feeling bad because you're trapped inside yourself with almost none of who you are being able to get out and connect with another person.
Harveykinkle is online now  
post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 03:15 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 43
Posts: 8,115
My Mood: Angry
Arrow

Where Joy come from?


$$$$ Money ££££
twitchy666 is offline  
post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 05:51 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 479
You sound ungrateful. You are blessed to have friends that still want to meet up with you.

But I understand your situation. I wouldn't want to meet with people if I haven't accomplished much and feel low about myself. Also I wouldn't want to be a debbie downer.
melancholyscorpio is offline  
post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 05:58 PM
You tell me
 
Rains's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2,008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa View Post
Meeting up once in a while is an investment really. Try to see it that way.
I kind of see it like that too, which I guess is a very weird way to view social stuff, because it's supposed to be a natural, intuitive, fun thing. But when you're highly introverted / socially anxious it's anything but, and you kind of have to remind yourself that there are long term pay offs for the short term costs. Also if it's really that stressful you should probably seek some kind of treatment.
Rains is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome