The self pity thread - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-12-2020, 02:45 PM Thread Starter
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The self pity thread


Where did it all go wrong for you? When did you realize the rest of your life was going to be pretty mediocre at best?
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-12-2020, 05:43 PM
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A brain infection here, a couple rejections there, some religious baggage here, miscellaneous childhood trauma and voila, one donistired. Honestly though, I've been feeling slightly more hopeful than I normally do. Just tryna take life in stride and get better at my own pace, which is generally pretty slow.

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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-12-2020, 11:44 PM
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Went wrong for me when I was born, obv. But I didn't realize my life was going to be terrible until I hit puberty.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 12:11 AM
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I try not to make life decisions, but it seems like I'm making then all the time and don't even realize it. I guess I'm one of those where life isn't mediocre, it just feels too much. I probably break down over spilled milk a lil too much, I don't know. And then I spill the milk again wondering why it spills all the time.
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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 01:11 AM
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Being born, honestly. I was never normal, I have hundreds of memories of screwing up in some unique way, or not knowing something that was common knowledge. If I had to guess, it would be some degree of autism + subpar IQ. By adolescence I'd realized I was never going to fit in, nor did I want to. Of course, that eventually led to... where I am now. No marketable skills, no connections, no money, suicide on the mind on a daily basis, and of course no realistic prospect of improvement since all these issues just snowball endlessly. At least I don't seem capable of feeling lonely, like most people would in my position.
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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 01:57 AM
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Probably should have known when I was a kid and didn't play well with others... I always only ever wanted one best friend, no other friends, and I didn't like playing with more than one person at a time. And I loved playing alone.

I guess I kind of knew when I was 12 and almost killed myself because of daily bullying in middle school and church. I felt back then that things wouldn't get better. Too bad I didn't realize that they could get worse. Still, high school overseas was better and I had some hope for the future... At least the bullying stopped, but what I didn't realize then was the result: I developed severe trust issues and basically closed myself off from everyone. Then I went to a religious university where I knew for sure that I wouldn't fit in at all. I spiraled hard in those years, and STILL got rejected by every girl I was interested in. Made some other unfortunate realizations. And that's the first time I knew for sure that the rest of my life was not going to be great.

But we all have to make do with what we've got. And that's my daily goal.

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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 02:58 AM
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Well I don't think everything went wrong - but there have been a lot of problems. (and still are)

I'd say things got a bit twitchy in my mid-teens and then again very early 20's. I distinctly remember standing looking at the river over in Perth one time and thinking to myself what on earth am I going to do. That sensation still comes over me quite often all these years later.
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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 12:29 PM
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Hm.
well, if we go with the butterfly effect, probably doing religion at age 11 was not very healthy.
Doing love at 25 was probably worse though.
I don't know. Maybe it's bad genes expressing their dysfunction.

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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 07:41 PM
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The first day of preschool, which would be 1984 I guess. I was scared of people before that, but I had hope and thought that once I went to school maybe I'd figure out socializing. Then that first day I was so overwhelmed and shut down deciding that not speaking was the only way to survive it, and am still working on recovering from that day.

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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-14-2020, 05:46 PM
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It took me a long time to realize I made poor choices that got me where I am. So I try hard not to feel sorry for myself but yeah sometimes I do end up reflecting on it. For me its hard to pinpoint. Maybe it was when I made the poor choice I made but my family needs me and the choices I made lead me here, they lead me to meeting the people I met, to being here for my family, helping them through life.

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post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 10:50 PM
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Stopped Trying


It went wrong when I stopped trying to be better. I made mini achievements that should've kept me going but I kept coming across people that kind of made me realize a really bad truth....

At that point, it just distressed me. All the motivation is gone now. I need something drastic to give me life again.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 12:08 AM
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I'm too weak for this world and yes is all my fault. Probably the first day of kindergarten is when I first realized that my mom wasn't going to be there to hold my hand/protect me so I needed to "man up" and be strong but I didn't know how and still don't.
Life hasn't always sucked for me though. I just have a way of ruining every good thing that comes my way. At this point the only motivation l have is to earn enough to eat and keep a roof over my head. I'm done trying to be someone I'm not.
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post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 03:04 PM
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It's been sort of a snowball effect. A million individual flakes of snow, harmless on their own perhaps, coalescing into an untenable present. And I mostly have myself to blame for my myriad of poor choices and timidity in facing my fears.

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post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 07:21 PM
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It's just one aspect of my life.... relationship.

I should just be satisfied with my career and give up on the idea of a happy married life. I deluded myself into thinking a beta-man like myself could maintain a someone's attraction for an extended period...of course she's not feeling the spark anymore. As an SAer I'm inherently boring....worthless as a mate. Mates are supposed to be exciting right ? All those years I thought the relationship was going somewhere ? borrowed time.

I will just delve into my work and become one of many lone scientists...yay...such a fun life.
It's better to have loved and lost ? I doubt it. I wish I didn't know this pain. To think I came so close to being married ? only 6months to go. Take a chance people say. Take a leap of faith....utter nonsense.

Married, me ? an SAer with awkward social skills...what false expectations. I deluded myself into thinking my SA had improved enough to lead a married life. ha. What a joke.
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post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 01:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VIncymon View Post
It's just one aspect of my life.... relationship.

I should just be satisfied with my career and give up on the idea of a happy married life. I deluded myself into thinking a beta-man like myself could maintain a someone's attraction for an extended period...of course she's not feeling the spark anymore. As an SAer I'm inherently boring....worthless as a mate. Mates are supposed to be exciting right ? All those years I thought the relationship was going somewhere ? borrowed time.

I will just delve into my work and become one of many lone scientists...yay...such a fun life.
It's better to have loved and lost ? I doubt it. I wish I didn't know this pain. To think I came so close to being married ? only 6months to go. Take a chance people say. Take a leap of faith....utter nonsense.

Married, me ? an SAer with awkward social skills...what false expectations. I deluded myself into thinking my SA had improved enough to lead a married life. ha. What a joke.
I think you're framing this the wrong way. Most relationships and marriages fail, often after a very short period of time this is just modern life. It applies to most of everyone even most celebrities. Who are supposed to be attractive or something.

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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 02:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I think you're framing this the wrong way. Most relationships and marriages fail, often after a very short period of time this is just modern life. It applies to most of everyone even most celebrities. Who are supposed to be attractive or something.

And those that dont fail, what miracle are they doing?
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I think you're framing this the wrong way. Most relationships and marriages fail, often after a very short period of time this is just modern life. It applies to most of everyone even most celebrities. Who are supposed to be attractive or something.

And those that dont fail, what miracle are they doing?

I know right ? I don't do well in dating manipulation games. I've watched the videos online, read the content ....but I can't execute them properly.


I'm beginning to feel like all dating and romance is based more on manipulation than anything else...something that's obviously more difficult for people with SA, we barely understand the basics of social interactions....much less how to pull master moves.

PS. I haven't made any gender specific general statements. Despite my current situation, I am trying, not to make any gender specific angry statements.
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:59 AM
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I think in marriages that don't fail, it takes two people who both have to be fully capable of putting up with relatively lengthy periods of complete BS and just tuning it out because they know that the majority of their lives won't be like that (or they believe the good times are worth the bad times). But of course, if one or the other of them holds a grudge, it's not going to work and they're still going to resent it even when times are good.

I think most people expect other people to be perfect and I think most people are far from perfect and I think most people fall in love with an illusion and then want out when they really get to know the person they married.
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 07:03 AM
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And those that dont fail, what miracle are they doing?
Yeah I have no idea lol I've never been in a serious relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VIncymon View Post
I know right ? I don't do well in dating manipulation games. I've watched the videos online, read the content ....but I can't execute them properly.


I'm beginning to feel like all dating and romance is based more on manipulation than anything else...something that's obviously more difficult for people with SA, we barely understand the basics of social interactions....much less how to pull master moves.

PS. I haven't made any gender specific general statements. Despite my current situation, I am trying, not to make any gender specific angry statements.
I feel like if you need to do that it's probably doomed to fail. Maybe most people just aren't compatible with one another. There was this couple in my school who got together when they were like 12 or so and I found one of them on Facebook at one point in my early 20s and they were still together not sure if they still are now but they were always weirdly close so I guess that happens rarely. They were kind of together all the time and probably just had a connection most other people don't.

Some marriages last a really long time too so it's not impossible just uncommon, and if you have social issues like SA etc it's going to be more difficult though that's probably more in the early stages of relationships unless you don't ever get comfortable with your partner.

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Originally Posted by YouTube comment
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 10:00 AM
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The most difficult thing I've found about marriage is that I go through phases when I look at my wife and I really don't like her and I say to myself, what the hell am I doing married to her but then I just sort of ride that out and another phase comes around in which I think she's amazing and I love her. I don't know if that's because I'm a moody flighty person or if that's human nature. Throw in cohabitation which, in itself, can be a pandora's box, and it's no wonder marriages don't always work out.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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