the common denominator of my fears - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-23-2008, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
baby you're a lost cause
 
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the common denominator of my fears


is the total loss of control of the situation.

If i have an answer, if i know what action to take, then i'm usually okay.

The most horrible situations are the ones where you find no way of dealing with your surroundings.

It's always the same questions: "what if this happens, what if that happens, what if people ridicule me, what if people are aggressive and impatient towards me, what if he/she rejects me, what if i'm asked something i don't know the answer to, what if we have to go out to a bar/club, what if the teacher asks everyone to introduce themselves, etc etc etc"

What they all have in common is that you have no good or even acceptable ways of dealing with the situations, so it will always be a negative experience.

Those sickening situations where you are like a deer in the headlights, not only are those situations horrible to be in, they are horrible to even think about.So you avoid every situation where they can possibly occur.

-----------------

So what can you do?

You can only try to be as prepared as possible, to think out possible scenarios beforehand, think about things that might occur and how you are going to deal with them.

Then you have to "psyche" yourself up, you have to find the right state of mind to go into the situations, you have to be "loose", you have to be a little CRAZY.

Because if you're alread half frozen with fear going into the situation you will most likely fail.

i dunno man...who knows...ya know??
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-23-2008, 01:14 AM
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I understand what you are saying. I always think out what paths certain socializing can lead to, and the unknown areas that have potential anxiety provoking situations are always the worst. Like if I go to visit my friend, will he invite other people over that I don't know? Will his roommates be there? Will I have to try my best to socialize? All that sorts of stuff...it can drive you nuts.

I think that the best way to tackle these situations is to go in with a very flexible game plan. Perhaps have an idea of what you might expect, and how you can deal with it, and also realize that there is potential for sporadic events beyond your control. When these events come up, I think that just trying to roll with the punches is the only thing you can really do. Easier said than done, but I don't see any way around it other than further social isolation.

Once you give up all hope is when you have truly lost.
-A great friend
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-23-2008, 03:08 AM
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I try to not think about it or else the outcome will be negative.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-23-2008, 07:11 PM Thread Starter
baby you're a lost cause
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6 View Post
I try to not think about it or else the outcome will be negative.
That can be true.

But personally i find that the outcome is equally as often negative when i try to "wing it" in a situation.

i dunno man...who knows...ya know??
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