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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Talking


Despite your social anxiety are you well spoken?

I am not a talker. I randomly stutter. I blank. I'm a nervous nelly. Although I don't feel nervous, lately I've noticed how nervous I come across.

And I can't finish a sentence. I tend to just trial off.

I can't tell anecdotes properly because I'm always second guessing myself and I would forget certain events.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Despite your social anxiety are you well spoken?

No : |


Quote:

I am not a talker. I randomly stutter. I blank. I'm a nervous nelly. Although I don't feel nervous, lately I've noticed how nervous I come across.

And I can't finish a sentence. I tend to just trial off.

I can't tell anecdotes properly because I'm always second guessing myself and I would forget certain events.

I don't stutter but I do all the other stuff. I blank, sometimes trail off, always second guess what I'm saying.


I like to think I have a decent vocabulary, especially when it comes to business jargon, and maybe that comes across in my written communications at work. But in regards to my verbal communication I'm a hot mess. Luckily I don't have to speak too often at work, just conference calls once in a while.

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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 10:32 PM
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I tend to be a good speaker when I mesh well with the person. However, there will be times when irme and a certain person don’t click and my will to keep the conversation falls off. I still will politely go on but once I can find a way to leave I do so .

How can you lose when you're doing you ?
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 12:34 AM
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Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Despite your social anxiety are you well spoken?
No. I do alright writing (as long as you read whatever I wrote after I edit it a million times to make it seem like my brain isn't a tornado of random garbage). IRL, I do not much like to talk even to people I know well and I always feel like whatever I say is wrong or stupid or poorly worded (and it often is). And whenever I am talking to someone I don't know my mind goes blank even if they just ask me a really simple question.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Despite your social anxiety are you well spoken?

Sometimes, but it depends on the situation. I speak better in a one-on-one conversation, and if I know the person well. In the context of groups of people, especially people I don't know well (or at all), I become very self-conscious. Sometimes, my mind just becomes empty and I can't think of anything. If I'm with a group and one or more people are dominating the conversation, I tend to falter and generally stay in the background. I don't know if this is a negative quality or not. I'm not an actor and I'm not generally interested in taking a spotlight, if that makes sense.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 06:26 PM
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With me it totally depends how I'm feeling. I remember this girl started talking to me on the tram a year or so ago and I felt very embarassed. I was actually having trouble catching my breath and my throat was locking up - that's what happens when I get really nervous in public.

It's very strange because on another day if the same thing happened I would have been okay. I can usually talk to people just fine. Of course when I'm manic I will literally start talking to anyone.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-26-2020, 02:20 AM
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Nah, my voice constantly glitches
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 11:21 AM
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i had a nervous disorder when reading in front of the class at high school,. it was bad and my voice would tremble when i read
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-28-2020, 06:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Despite your social anxiety are you well spoken?

I am not a talker. I randomly stutter. I blank. I'm a nervous nelly. Although I don't feel nervous, lately I've noticed how nervous I come across.

And I can't finish a sentence. I tend to just trial off.

I can't tell anecdotes properly because I'm always second guessing myself and I would forget certain events.
Most people with SAD experience at least one of the difficulties you described. It's normal. It's unfrequent to be well spoken when you are socially anxious, even if you have good writing skills. You say you don't feel nervous, but you probably are. It's not always easy to spot underlying anxious thoughts. When you are speaking, how is your breathing? Your heartbeat? Are you sweaty?

When you are speaking, some parts of your brain may be busy dealing with anxious thoughts such as "I'm not telling it right, I must be boring", "I'm so nervous it must look ridiculous" and so on. As a result, it's harder for your brain to focus on what you want to say, let alone think of the best way to say it.

Plus, the anxious thoughts you have tend to create a vicious circle: having anxious thoughts about blanking is probably the best way to blank at some point.

Are you looking for ways to improve?
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 09:02 AM
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I'm good with words but I mumble frequently enough and don't like eye contact much. I try to listen more effectively. Seems like people are more interested in just talking and expressing themselves than they are in listening and paying attention, though.
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 09:47 AM
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I've been told I seem reserved. On rare times I've come across as more or less eloquent, but that's not very often. The most common thing is I seem vaguely autistic or something. For worse, when I'm truly uncomfortable and on full alert, I just come across dickish.
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
With me it totally depends how I'm feeling. I remember this girl started talking to me on the tram a year or so ago and I felt very embarassed. I was actually having trouble catching my breath and my throat was locking up - that's what happens when I get really nervous in public.
Panic attacks are the worst.

Last edited by zkv; 08-06-2020 at 09:49 AM. Reason: one 'come across' too many
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 11:03 AM
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Not at all. Conversation is an art I find challenging. The whole balance of maintaining the proper amount of eye contact, contributing interesting ideas, complying with social norms, and not offending others is difficult for me. If I'm thrust into a conversation I have not prepared for, I trail off or struggle to string my ideas together. My usual method of coping with this is to provide concise answers and shift the focus of the conversation to something/someone else, however, I understand this is far from ideal and sometimes kills conversations. Moreover, I just don't "vibe" with most people so it's difficult for me to find common ground.

I do listen fairly well. I also can be a much better writer than conversationalist when needed. It is much more enjoyable when I have the time to craft a response.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 11:23 AM
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It depends on who I'm talking with and if I'm nervous, I mostly do alright around people I know pretty well but when I'm meeting someone for the first time my mind just goes blank and I can sense the awkward pauses between thinking of what to say.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 05:12 PM
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Depends on how threatened I feel by the present circumstances. If I'm in an exposed position, with people all around me that I can't keep an eye on, and I don't the know or yet trust the person I'm talking to, then no, I'm not very good at talking. I tend to drop entire words out of sentences for no particular reason. Like, if I'm ordering a coffee, I'll say something like, "Can I get a large *blank* with two cream, please." And then people will have to ask me to repeat myself. And I sometimes don't catch what other people are saying because I'm too busy scanning the area for threats.

The less physically vulnerable I feel, and the better I know and trust the person I'm talking to, though, the better I am at communicating. I can be quite well-spoken and I'm always sensitive to social cues, so I find that once people get to know me they're much more likely to enjoy talking to me and start telling me all kinds of crazy things. That's usually when people discover I have a sense of humor, too. Which seems to catch people off-guard.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 06:21 PM
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No. I can't even talk well when I'm comfortable. Talking is always exhausting for me and takes a lot of energy. My memory isn't very good either. I literally forget what people are saying mid-sentence. So I just give one word answers and they're like alright he doesn't wanna talk. I really do, though. I just don't know how.
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zkv View Post
Panic attacks are the worst.
Yeah, I didn't actually think of that as a panic attack but I guess you're right - it sort of is. It used to happen a lot - when I was asked to talk in front of groups etc, take a class at work - it's an awful feeling.

Doesn't happen to me as much nowadays but that's probably only because I don't put myself in as many difficult situations.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-08-2020, 09:18 PM
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I'm good with words but I mumble frequently enough and don't like eye contact much. I try to listen more effectively. Seems like people are more interested in just talking and expressing themselves than they are in listening and paying attention, though.
So trueeee. And I find myself
Not Even wanting to talk to many people in fear that I’ll be saying something important to me and they will disregard everything I said to talk about something else. It sucks.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-09-2020, 04:35 AM
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I've kind of learned that not giving a shi-t makes my anxiety less
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