Some advice from someone who has been cured - Social Anxiety Forum
Thread Tools
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-03-2020, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
Cured of SA
Kinable's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Nevada
Language: English, Spanish
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 906
My Mood: Angelic

Some advice from someone who has been cured

Social anxiety disorder is an illusion that only you can see. It's your perception of how the world sees you, your interpretation of the future, your thoughts floating around in people's heads. The illusion that everyone's eyes and attention are on you at all times, however this couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, in the eyes of everyone you're just another person in the crowd of people. Everyone has their own thoughts and their own concerns going on in their heads, the illusion is you believing they're about you. Sure, maybe someone sees you and forms a quick opinion or thought like "I feel like I've seen that person before" or "I like that shirt he's wearing", but almost immediately after they go back to what they were thinking or start a new train of thoughts unrelated to you.

Don't believe me? Think about how you see and judge random people you see. Think about how you see and judge people you know. While a person with SA is more likely to think about people longer, ultimately you stop thinking and judging them and move on with your life. If you're worried about random people you don't know judging you, you really have nothing to worry about. Even if they are thinking about you, they don't know you and thus can't pass accurate judgement. It's usually just a quick thought that leads to another, afterwords you are no longer in the person's thoughts and probably never will be again. You are the only person thinking about that embarrassing thing you did that you think everyone is judging you about, you are the only one still thinking about it. Haven't you seen someone mess up before? Notice how you forgot up until I had you remember? It's the same with other people, you're not as special as you think, you are not the center of the universe.

Another illusion is that you are living in a different time compared to everyone else. People with anxiety are always living in the future, worrying about things that haven't happened or probably won't even happen. It is pointless to worry about something that isn't currently happening, especially if you aren't even sure it is like someone thinking about something stupid you did. You're the only one who thinks that or will think of that unless it is brought to people's attention. Stop assuming you know what everyone is thinking, we each have our own thoughts and concerns that primarily affect us. I'm not thinking about the way my neighbor is dressed today, the little slip up a random person made while walking the other day, or judging a person walking down the street I don't know. Wake up from this world you live in that nobody else can see and come to the real world where people are actually nicer and couldn't really care less about how you look or do things like how you don't do the same to others.

This last piece of advice needs to be read with an open mind. If at any point when reading this paragraph your attitude completely changes to negative, notice it and try to think about why it happened. I cured my anxiety without the help of therapy or medication, what worked for me might not work for others. If therapy and meds aren't doing it for you or you don't want to take that route, there is still someone who can help you. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself, someone who loves you no matter what, even if at the moment you don't feel the same. Someone who knows the exact problem you are having and why you are having it, someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses who will use them to your advantage to help you. I'm of course talking about God. I was agnostic for 23 years of my life but that changed when I met God. He helped me cure my depression after my SA and so much more even after that. He is real and if you are thinking "Why has He allowed me to suffer if He loves me?" it's because of actions you yourself are currently taking. It wouldn't really be free will if God controlled all your life choices so they don't end up being bad. You have free will, God will show you the problems in your life by bringing them to your attention and guides you along the path to solving those problems. Ask Him for help but don't bargain or test God, don't say something like "I'll believe in you if you can cure my SA" or "If you are real, do this so I can be sure". If you want to meet God, you must be willing and open to the idea of Him existing. Your grudge with Him assuming you have one because of how your life currently is, is misdirected. For the sake of not making this thread any longer, if you have any questions on this feel free to let me know here on via PM.

ôLet the wise hear and increase their learning, and let those of good comprehension seek guidance." - Proverbs 1:5
Kinable is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 03:15 PM
SAS member
fire mage64's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Virginia
Language: English, and hopefully fluent Japanese one day...
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 3,363
My Mood: Cool
Totally agree with you!

I would also like to add that sometimes it's okay to laugh at yourself. Maybe you really DID look like a fool when you slipped on a banana peel and fell into the swimming pool! If I judge you secretly in my mind for not seeing the brightly colored object, it is my personal response and has nothing to do with your self worth .

This is a bizarre example but there are so many times where someone can and does judge you but you should let it go because you are not the judgement. Feel free to self deprecate a little (but don't forget self compassion) and say to yourself, "man that was dumb haha! What was I thinking?". Maybe someone will even make the same mistake proving that you both are part of the imperfect human race.

My faith in Jesus also helped to shift the focus away from me and think more about others. The purpose of life is less about some performance you put on to get a perfect score at the end and more about serving others and being humble. What is your focus - on your negativity and flaws, or using the way you were designed and your own experiences to help other people in a way that's unique to you?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
fire mage64 is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 11:10 PM
SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 82
Most people with SA know this but cannot apply this to social interaction.
samboychippies is offline  
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 01:27 AM
SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ohio, United States
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 5,385
^what samboychippies & fire mage64 said. i know the skills but i cannot utilize them.
T-Bone is offline  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2020, 11:49 AM
SAS Member
SwtSurrender's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 5,416
Wow, this is really good, I haven't thought about it from this perspective before but I have had some similar thought processes about social anxiety disorder being very similar to being a paranoid and delusional person. Did you have an epiphany or something? All the meds and therapy I did, and could never come up with the solution this well. Or maybe I have somewhere in my brain already come to such a conclusion since I seem to understand your post and be shocked at the same time. The way you wrote it even, it's so well-written it felt like reading a psychology article. Way to go!

Patricia: What...? What's your rating? 'Cause you really don't have a very good feel for people, honey.
Annie: You're using a service that gives you pretend friends.
- Maniac
SwtSurrender is offline  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 02:55 PM
Social Anxiety Coach
Ashley SAB's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Posts: 40
My Mood: Breezy
Originally Posted by Kinable View Post
Social anxiety disorder is an illusion that only you can see...
Well said. I completely agree with all of this.

Most people with SA know this but cannot apply this to social interaction.
Meditation. Single biggest tool to help. I avoided it for years. Glad I actually started doing it. Takes consistent practice but the benefits are huge. I still do it to this day and probably will for the rest of my life because it's such an enjoyable and beneficial expereince.

I recorded a few insights at the beginning of my healing journey on Youtube if you'd like to see them feel free to check them out here:

And a Website where I offer Social Anxiety Mentoring[/url]
Ashley SAB is offline  

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome