Social Hangover - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Social Hangover


Does anybody else feel really anxious not only before, but after spending time with other people? Even with my oldest and truest friend, my thoughts start spiraling once she's left. I think about whether I said something stupid or if she thinks I'm boring. It's super annoying because it takes a lot of courage for me to actually even hang out. Like why can't I finally feel successful after spending time with another person, rather than criticizing myself for not being perfect or always knowing what to say? What do you all do to cope with this feeling?
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 04:54 PM
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Yes!!! So much yes!!

This is me every time I do social stuff, though I'm slowly getting better. I used to have a close friend who also felt the same way, and it became almost funny because after we'd spend time together it was almost guaranteed that one of us would text the other apologizing for something that the other one hadn't even given a second thought to. I think it helped me move through my fears to talk it through with her. Also I saw how her fears were soooo totally different from anything I'd seen, that it helped me put my own fears into perspective. Usually the things that she was panicking about I hardly remembered, so I think that's likely the case with my perceived mistakes as well.

With my close friends I'm pretty open with them about it. I tell them that it's a fear of mine, and to please be honest with me if I say or do something that upsets them. That helps me relax a lot, because I trust my friends to follow through and tell me if I did something wrong. If they choose not to tell me then there's nothing I can do anyway. I've also explained to my close friends that sometimes I just need to ask just to reassure myself that everything's ok. They've been wonderfully patient with me asking, and it helps me calm down a lot.

It makes sense that high anxiety would be the result after pushing ourselves into doing something that doesn't come naturally to us. I try to plan something calming and grounding for when I get home from something social, which helps me escape some of these feelings. Usually it's just a "comfort food" type snack and a tv show or music, but it helps take my mind off the spiraling thoughts.

Thank you for your post, I can definitely relate!
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