"Social Anxiety disorder"? Who knows...
I don't know where to start. Over the past year I thought I was a text book example of social anxiety disorder. I also believed I had depression. Recently, I was rejected for a research study on social anxiety disorder; they couldnt diagnose me as being SA. I'm prescribed lexapro for depression, but I never really had all the distinct symptoms of depression. Just bad feelings and low self worth. When I'm see the full list of depression symptoms, almost none of it applies to me. I
All of the characterizations of social anxiety described the way I acted. I thought I was pathelogically shy, the way someone can be a "pathelogical liar". I had been somewhat withdrawn from social settings. But was I painfully shy or bitterly reclusive? I'm begining to think the latter. I believe the "idea" of social anxiety influenced my behavior.
But anyway, I went to a It might be the case that I really don't have the personally profile of sa. It might sound mellow dramatic, but think of the movie "Memento". The lead character in that movie ends up tricking his mind into believing he has no short term memory. I think allot of pyschology/culture leads people into beleiving similar things. You almost want to believe in terrible condition, because then its a situation you can relate to. Regarding social anxiety , I knew allot of the "shyness" is was really emotional frustration. I have fits of "shyness" like the way you would have fits of rage. Shyness is the distortion of your emotional perspective; you can't interact socially the way you want to, I think. So instead shyness is like throwing a fit; because you can't interact in a positive way where you be energized.
I know I've had the symptoms for most of my teen years and early adulthood, but I feel like considering myself as sa now would be inappropriate. I think I definitely have a personality flaw, but I no longer feel the "shyness" and anxious feeling are somehow ingrained into my psyche. When I truly feel enthusiastic and motivated in a situation, shyness never registers in mind. But I don't know why I can't be motivated in life. I don't know why on a subconscious level I don't "get it".
I got lost on the road to self discovery, and I reached the limits of psychiatry, which is after all, just a modern religion. All religions have their qualities, but ultimately people project their own meaning in them. People see what they want to see. Not to sound like Tom Cruise, but psychiatry is the same. I learned the hard way not to expect to much from prozac and lexapro, I need a new perspective. Going to a new shrink is not going to put my life into perspective the way it needs to be.
Maybe lsd would help there...(i'm NOT really serious about that, but I understand why non-stoners would be attracted to it).