small talks? im ok, but long talks? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-01-2019, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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small talks? im ok, but long talks?


Analyzing why I feel so frustrated socially (that is to say completely), I realize that I can do small talks with coworkers but after a month of it, I feel stuck because I can not start "long talks", because I can no longer ask basic things that come out in youtube videos, i just speak about work (will it be because I have no more social life?), I also have no sense of humor.

So far I never started a conversation and I already heard at least 3 times that I am the quiet of the place and every time I hear that I feel a tremendous sadness, I feel like giving up.
It seems to me that I will not last more than 2 months in a job, every time I hear that they talk about my silence, an attack of anguish and anxiety is triggered.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-01-2019, 08:51 PM
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Im the same way. Im the quiet person at work and I always feel like its uncomfortable during lunch time. Idk if its uncomfortable for them but it is for me cause of anxiety lol. Idk how to go beyond work conversation and small talk either. Even when theyre talking about things I know about like a tv show I dont have much to say. Its like I physically cant bring myself to carry a conversation, it sucks.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 01:05 AM
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I mostly have trouble talking about myself, being fear of judgment. And mostly things you talk about beyond small talk is talking about personal things about yourself. Or coming up with on the spot compatible banter, which I am horrible at. Something it seems like most other people are in perfect sync with with each other.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.

If I fail to adapt to the fault of others, it is my fault.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 03:46 AM
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People pointing out that you are "quiet" ugh why do you feel the need? I'm also interning right now and I can't count how many times I was told that I am quiet. I think you should just look at the people around you and analyze them. They don't even really care about what words come out from your mouth. They aren't really interested. Everyone is busy thinking about themselves. They don't even care when they say that you are quiet. They just talk for the sake of talking. And they don't even fully listen to each other. For me, realizing these makes me feel less anxious.
I believe some people are quiet because they don't feel comfortable enough to speak. They can just speak without thinking when they are around people that they are close to & comfortable with. I think the reason is fear of being judged, thinking those people wouldn't care about what I say. Which is caused by low self esteem I guess. If you think you don't actually want to be quiet, you want to talk but can't for various reasons, then there must be a cause for that. And if there is a cause, there is also a solution.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beargi View Post
They don't even really care about what words come out from your mouth. They aren't really interested. Everyone is busy thinking about themselves. They don't even care when they say that you are quiet. They just talk for the sake of talking. And they don't even fully listen to each other.
I partially agree, they probably don't care and when they say "you are quiet", they probably don't say it in a bad way.
I don't mind people calling me quite, i believe this to be true, most of the time I find people's talks to be boring.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 11:02 PM Thread Starter
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The qualification of quiet guy has generated me a rejection because I feel that it is the cause of the failure of my life, if it were otherwise, I would not be now with almost 30 years thinking of love as if I were a teenager.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-03-2019, 02:37 AM
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I don’t know why some people look at being quiet in a negative way. Not everyone is an extroverted type who enjoys long conversations with people they barely know. I would prefer being around quiet people than those who feel the need to talk about anything and everything!

In my last workplace I was seen as being quiet but I just wasn’t interested in chatting about trivial nonsense that wasn’t work related. I find I need to have a connection, an interest or ‘click’ with someone to put in the effort of making conversation. Perhaps it might be the same with you 🙂
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 09:00 PM
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Honestly for me no talks are the best way...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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