she wants to meet but my anxiety and nerves wont let me... - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-02-2010, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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she wants to meet but my anxiety and nerves wont let me...


Okay so I met this girl on a forum about two years ago and we started talking on Yahoo messenger after that and got along very well. We stopped talking for a few months but then she found me on Facebook, I friended her and we started talking (through there) again.

We always talked about how fun it would be to meet (thinking it would never happen on my end). She is from Romania and is in the US on a work visa through the end of october and is working where I vacation every weekend in the summer. Well she asked if I would be here this weekend and if I wanted to hang out and I said yes so she gave me her mobile number. Now she wants to meet up tonight and i'm freaking out. I dont think I can do it. My stomach tightens at the thought of her texting me soon wanting to know what we should do tonight... I want to meet her but not at night.

Okay,
1. I dont want to meet her by myself.
2. I hate going out by myself at night.
3. I have no one to go with me to meet her (only my parents and their friends are up here) and that is a big issue.
4. Meeting someone, especially who I met online, scares me more than anything.

What do I do? She isn't going to be here much longer and works during the day..I dont know when the next day she has off is and I doubt it'll be tomorrow or on a weekend day. I hate this.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-02-2010, 05:51 PM
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I've gone through this myself but except on shorter terms. I was only talking to the person for about 2 weeks and then I met them, and needless to say it went horribly because of my anxiety. Have you made her aware of your anxiety? That might help how you feel and she'd understand more if you didn't meet her. I also know how it feels to meet someone from the internet, but I don't think internet predators wait 2 years to finally get someone. :S
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-02-2010, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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I've gone through this myself but except on shorter terms. I was only talking to the person for about 2 weeks and then I met them, and needless to say it went horribly because of my anxiety. Have you made her aware of your anxiety? That might help how you feel and she'd understand more if you didn't meet her. I also know how it feels to meet someone from the internet, but I don't think internet predators wait 2 years to finally get someone. :S
No I havent and I don't really want her to know because, from my experience, people knowing ahead of time you have mental issues never turns out well since most people dont understand and think you are weird. I also like to appear as normal as possible as long as possible because it makes me feel more confident.

About the 2 years - we talked on and off for 2 years and neither of us never actually thought we would have a chance to meet since she lives in Romania and when she has worked in the US before its always been in NY and far away from me. Now that its possible and her wanting it to happen I'm flipping out and scared to death. I dont do good one-on-one especially when it's a stranger.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-02-2010, 06:41 PM
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Ah, well, I'm not really sure what else you can do. If you don't feel like you'll be comfortable meeting her, the only thing you can really do is make an excuse and not go. When I met someone online, I tried to explain to them about my anxiety, they didn't even know social anxiety existed. I still talk to them, and they're coming to terms with it and it's not like they treat me differently or anything.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-03-2010, 09:01 AM Thread Starter
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its alright, AD, she took a very long nap last night so she never texted back until this morning.

bad news is she gets off work around 5 pm tonight and i have plans at 6 pm to go watch the Redskins game at a local crab place (not that I care at all about football haha just the crabs). the good news is when she texted me this morning i told her i already had plans at 6 and said if she didnt mind did she want to meet us there. she said she could she just needs to know where the place is at. i dont know for sure so i told her i would ask and let her know. no text since but i'm sure she'll text back after i let her know the address. i'm glad it woeked out this way because

1. we have something to talk about if the conversation lulls or goes awkward.
2. i have people i know around me and hopefully i'll feel more comfortable. the only thing i worry about is them asking her 20 million questions. my mother already asked if she was gay and if that was why i was meeting her i told her i didn't know if she was and that wasnt why i was meeting her, it shouldnt matter. she is a nice person and that should never make a difference. she is gay and i knew that from the beginning but i didnt want to hear the lecture of how "youre not gay, honey, i dont know why you want to meet lesbians" and blah blah blah.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-03-2010, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
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Cool, that is the best way to do it I think. A place where there won't be as much pressure to entertain her.

Mmmm, I just had crab last night and it was awesome.

Yeah, parents like to be in denial about these kinds of things lol
Exactly. Its weird because the first thing she asks if I mention a new friend is if they're gay... usually if the potential friend is a girl she asks quicker. I dont know why it matters so much. Just because theyre gay doesnt mean theyre attracted to everyone they meet and want to screw everyone they see lol

I just found out the game is at 415 and we are going to be there at 4....she is getting off early at 330, taking the bus home, changing and taking the bus there. I'm very nervous and my dad isn't making it better. He never does. He's always so pessimistic and negative about me meeting new people and it makes me more nervous and anxious.
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